"William Graham" <weg9@comcast.net> wrote in message

Big cat. I can just see it.

Top Reasons to Own an Ashera.
1. You can snicker every time you see a neighbour walking their dog and you
notice all the dogs cringe when you walk by.
2. You can rent the Ashera out to anybody who has a squirrel problem, a rat
problem, a dog problem a coon problem, in fact *any* kind of animal problem.
3. The neighbours surrounding your house speak very nicely to you the few
times you see them and they keep their noisy kids inside all the time.
4. That pain in the a.s neighbourhood kid who bothers you so much doesn't
come around anymore. In fact, nobody ever hears from him again.
5. You've got your very own manure factory for beautifying your garden.
6. You've got your very own fur factory for knitting sweaters.
7. You don't need to waste money on bullets for your rifle when you go
hunting, the Ashera will fetch your game animals for you. However, you stop
hunting when you realize that the local bear population is being decimated.
8. You always wanted to live in a secluded part of town and to your joy you
realize that most everybody is moving away... far away.
9. The garbage pickup men never miss your house anymore, the mailman is
always in a good mood, the pizza delivery boy refuses to accept tips and the
local electrician and plumbers guild puts your house on reduced rate status
for the foreseeable future.
10. And the best reason for owning an Ashera?
       Your wife who used to mouth off to you at every opportunity, is
suddenly really, really, REALLY, nice to you and says she wants to invite
her hot sister to visit after she promises to tell your  mother-in-law to
move to another country.

Top Ten Reasons NOT to Get an Ashera.
1. You're almost broke every week from buying a dumptruck full of kitty
litter.
2. The local petfood supplier parks a tractor trailer full of cat food
outside your house once a week.
3. The town managers assign you your own garbage truck for disposal of used
kitty litter.
4. The local vet has you direct deposit the rest of your paycheck to his
account.
5. When your Ashera wants to play, you have to spend 90 minutes donning your
bear rated protective armour.
6. When your Ashera comes into your room at night to share your bed, you get
shoved off it onto the extra mattress waiting for you on the floor.
7. When the Ashera starts purring, you rush to get the earplugs and make
sure there's no glassware anywhere that will tip over from the vibration.
8. You have to hire a six person team to twice a week vacuum up all the cat
hair.
9. When you walk your Ashera, you leash it to your car and let it pull you
around, but you're getting really tired of having to keep bolting the bumper
back on after it gets torn off.
10. And the best reason for NOT owning an Ashera?
       You have to keep patching the holes in your house made by hunters
who have come to shoot the leopard that they've heard has been terrorizing
the local countryside.