I am your cat.

I like choices.

I like to wake you up at 4 a.m. to be let out
  so I can set up a sex-chorus under your bedroom window.

I like to barf up hairballs on the TV remote.

I like to leap into your lap for lovin' when you are eating soup.

I like to make you buy a box to fill with stuff I can crap on.

I like to bring you dead rodents.

I like to knock your delicate stuff into the floor.  

I like to interrupt your conversations with aimless yowling.

I like to scratch at the door and then run away when you open it.

I like to leap on the bed and play patty-cat when YOU are getting sex.

I do not want to become driving gloves,
  but I am not mentally equipped to figure out
    how close I am getting to exactly that fate.

I do not really like having  rubber body mallet applied to my head,
  but it WILL slow me down.

Catch me if you can, dumbass, ya ha ha haOW CHOW CHOW CHOW!!!!!!!