Got this from a friend.

Yes, it IS exaggerated, but...<g>

--

veronica the cat lady

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right hand thumb and forefinger on either
side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding
pill. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close
mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
right arm (to avoid wound on left arm) and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in best arm, holding rear
paws tightly with hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with forefinger.Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front,
and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold
head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop
in pill, put down ruler, and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for
later gluing.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow through straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, then drink
one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and
remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat on cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply
whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw
T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve the ------ cat from tree across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving
to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13) Tie the little ------'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning
gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of
steak fillet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints
of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect the "cat from hell" and call local pet
shop to see if they have any guinea pigs available.