I've seen several posts lately involving the odor and/or cleanliness
of Kitty.  I recieved the following while living in the Harrisburg
area of PA, USA, and now feel it is time to pass along this gem.
Enjoy

PS  Sparky update...I'm back from my trip.  She is still with us, and
her condition has not changed.  She is not in pain, just old and
hanging on.  I'll keep you up to date as things progress, and thank
you all for your kind comments.

=================
How To Bathe A Cat
(Note:  Jeffery LaCroix is a veterinarian with an office in
Wilmington.  He writes a column for the Morning Star called "From Paws
to Tails."  Here is his response to a letter regarding bathing a cat:)

     Dear Dr. LaCroix:  I've heard that cats never have to be bathed,
and that they have some sort of special enzyme in their saliva that
keeps them clean.  This doesn't sound believable to me because there
are definite "kitty" odors on my couch and dirty cat paw prints on our
white hearth.  Is this true about the saliva?  If we do decide to give
"Nice Kitty" a bath, how do we do that? - NSP, Wilmington

Dear NSP:  Fortunately for you, several years ago a client gave me a
written set of instructions about cat bathing which I am privileged to
share with you:

Cat Bathing As A Martial Art:
A.  Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack
of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength.
Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield.  Don't try
to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him.
Pick a very small bathroom.  If your bathroom is more than four feet
square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the
sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower.  (A simple
shower curtain will not do.  A berserk cat can shred a three-ply
rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

B. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the
skin from your body.  Your advantage here is that you are smart and
know how to dress to protect yourself.  I recommend canvas overalls
tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves,
an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

C. Use the element of surprise.  Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if
to simply carry him to his supper dish.  (Cats will not usually notice
your strange attire.   They have little or no interest in fashion as a
rule.)

D. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival.
In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub
enclosure, slide the glass door  shut, dip the cat in the water and
squirt him with shampoo.  You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds
of your life.

E. Cats have no handles.  Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and
the problem is radically  compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him
for more than two or three seconds at a time.  When you have him,
however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and
rub like crazy.

He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing
himself off.  (The national record for cats is three latherings, so
don't expect too much.)

F. Next, the cat must be dried.  Novice cat bathers always assume this
part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at
this point and the cat is just getting really determined.

In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been
through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to
your right leg.  You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach
for your towel and wait.  (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up
clinging to the top of your army helmet  If so, the best thing you can
do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.)  After
all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just
reach down and dry the cat.

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg.
He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will
spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you.  He might even
become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster
figurine.  You will be tempted to assume he is angry.  This isn't
usually the case.  As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through
your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to
bathe him.  But at least now he smells a lot better.

Dr. Kathleen T. Doherty
Vice President of Research
Holleran Consulting
2951 Whiteford Road
York, PA 17402