I had posted earlier about my cat Chowder who was having walking
and balance problems and had just
peed the bed a couple nights ago.

She was FeLV positive which I knew when I adopted her off of PetFinder via
a adoption program through a vet clinic about a hour away from where I live
now.

It is with a heavy heart that I announce
that she was helped to sleep one last time.

When I took her in for her vet appointment, a clinic that specializes in
cats only, the vet very quickly knew what was wrong.

She felt her belly and said one of her kidneys felt like a tumor was growing
there and it was twice the size it should be.

Also her eye was starting to cloud up and looked like part of her pupil was
covered in a white cotton looking growth.

The vet said it appeared that the cancer had spread to her eye and brain.

That would explain most of the neurological balance and walking problems.

I had never had to take a animal in to be put to sleep. I lost it when the
vet told me what was best.

While they watched my 3 y-o daughter,
I went back with Chowder.

They placed her on a soft towel and I held her head as I told her how much I
loved her over and over and asked that she forgive me for what was about to
happen.

She really didn't flinch much when they gave her the injection in her leg so
she must have really lost a lot of feeling back there.

I was staring at her eyes the whole time and again I lost it the instant I
knew she was gone.

I only had her 2  1/2 months.
She was about 2 years old.

When I got her I was told she could live up to 2 years being positive with
FeLV.

The vet said when cats contract it in their mothers uterus, they don't live
near as long than if she had contracted it when she was a adult.

I am just beside myself.

I did not expect this visit to be "the one."

I thought meds, maybe a ear infection, but not this.

Her bowls are still sitting out with food and water. Her litterbox is
untouched.
I still have a bag of her food. I still smell her. :(

I told the vet afterwards after watching the pet shows on Animal Planet, and
watching animals before they are put to sleep, that you would think you
would get desensitized to the death process. The vet said it never gets
easier. The vet even choked up herself.

Still crying.....

I must go now.

TTYL :(

I LOVE YOU CHOWDER.
See you again one day.

S.O.S.