Thank-you to all who responded...it really helped!

Here is a poem I wrote just now:
maybe it was my grandmother's...
maybe i just bought it at a rummage sale...
or maybe it was found in the basement of an apartment i once lived
in...
but it was perfect.

just an old, antique plate...
a small one.
i had placed it beneath a potted plant,
(clay pot).

just perfect for the cat.
and i washed it well.
then i washed it again.
and it became the feeding plate for every cat
who's been within these plaster walls...
ever since i got out of the army,
back...
in some other era.

once...
even a guest
(not knowing)
ate from that small plate.
that's the cat's plate, i yelled.
she just laughed and said,
it doesn't matter.

one day i heard the news...
a friend had died.
i looked at the calender and thought...
he didn't even make it 'til spring.
and i looked to my buddy, the cat...
that good old whitecat now in his 18th year...
and we curled up in bed.
my God, how skinny you have grown lately.

it was a week later when i heard the howl...
we rushed him to the vet:
it doesn't look good...
but we should keep him overnight for observation.

we walked home and opened the door.
we already knew the answer.
a friend was doing dishes:
sorry, he said as we looked at the pieces from the broken plate.

whitecat made it 'till spring.
__________________________________________
and in another post (same thread), he wrote:

Well I sure have changed and mellowed out in my old age...
I used to have a lot of anger in me and wrote everyday for 15 years...
the anger eventually went away and I stopped writing...

Recently I have started writing again...but no longer from a
perspective
of anger!
_______________________________
And Catgirl writes:

philo, it is said that (by who I can't remember just now!) "from pain
comes beauty".  Your writing brought tears to my eyes.
That is a great expressive way to honor Whitecat.  Thank you for
sharing it.  It also lets those of us who have been through this know
that we are not alone in our feelings.

Yeah, you old military codger you... LOL... my hubby too was toughened
by the military, and some heavy time in Nam... but he said it was life
changing in many ways, not all negative... One thing he brought out of
the military was an absolute love for all things innocent.  Humans
aren't innocent in that sense, he meant other life forms.  By nature,
those other beings are totally innocent.  This big, handsome, hunky
tough guy cried like a baby when we lost Moki cat at 15... and another
little girl at 19... dog at 10... another dog at 3... cried shamelessly
and without a shred of embarrassment.  And not afraid to show
tenderness in front of other people towards cats, dogs, and other
beings... he saves honeybees from drowning in water... carries spiders
outside, etc... He's still a "tough guy", very respected among his
peers and nobody "messes" with him, ha ha... But he received that
unexpected "gift"... from being in the military!  Love on, philo, and
thank you for being you.