Cat Diary

FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m.  Oh, boy!  Dog food!  My favorite!
9:30 a.m.  Oh, boy!  A car ride!  My favorite!
9:40 a.m.  Oh, boy!  A walk!  My favorite!
10:30 a.m Oh, boy!  Getting rubbed and petted!  My favorite!
11:30 a.m Oh, boy!  Dog food!  My favorite!
Noon-      Oh, boy! The kids!  My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy!  The yard!  My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy!  To the park!  My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy!  Dog food!  My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy!  Pretty Mums!  My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy!  Playing ball!  My favorite!
6:30 a.m. Oh, boy!  Watching TV with my master!  My favorite!
8:30 p.m. Oh, boy!  Sleeping in master's bed!  My favorite!

FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal.  The only thing that keeps me going is the
hope of escape, and the mild scolding I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the
stairs.  In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I
once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try
this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into
their hearts.  They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.  I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event.  However, I could hear the
noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my
confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is
and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches.  The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.  He is
obviously a half-wit.  The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an
informant, and speaks with them regularly.  I am certain he reports my
every move.  Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety
is assured.  But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.