Well it's typical winter in the UK, so that means lots of rain, all at
once and the road outside is a river. Worse still, the porch has a
floating cat basket in it. This means I have to go outside with a towel,
net the outside cat Dirac, and drag his soggy wet carcass inside. He
usually roosts under the car when it rains but last time it rained
properly he was forced to climb into the engine bay to aviod being
inundated.

Now the indoor/outdoor Schrodinger was abandoned by his last oweners -
one moggy cat with a pechant for fighting the terrier wasn't able to
cope when he was replaced by a pedigree Persian. He goes into paroxisms
of rage if I so much as look at another cat, and the green monster of
jealously bites deep if I pick another one up. His sulks can last for
weeks (well until chow time anyway).

So I have a wet soggy cat on my lap being dried. He detests all living
things apart from me, whom he merely hates. He want's outside but
there's several inches of water. His claws are applying maximum pressure
at the correct psychological point - ie I'm just short of clomping the
little darling one but he's still drawing blood. Every now and then
though he sneezes just to make the point. Hey if you actually were
prepared to live inside there wouldn't be a problem would there?

I have Schrodinger sitting three feet away singing his displeasure at
top volume into my left ear. When an 18 pound half wildcat/domestic
cross wants to imitate an opera star it's painful. He doesn't appear to
have stopped breating out for the last ten minutes. He certainly hasn't
shut up anyway.

Cats. Who'd have the bloody creatures anyway.