Cats, unlike dogs, are quite "low maintenance." While dog owners have
to regularly take their pets on walks, clean up after them when they
crap, give them mounds of food, shout at them to stop barking every
fifteen seconds, and determine exactly where their dog has buried
little Franky's index finger, all cat owners have to do is supply
pellets for the cat to eat and sh.t in (NOTE: these pellets should be
probably different from each other). Many cat owners, upon receiving a
new kitten, dump a few hundred pounds of cat food into a wheelbarrow,
unload a canoe full of cat litter into their bathroom, and then sell
their house and move away. The cats seem to actually prefer this over
repeated human contact.

As mentioned above, cats enjoy being alone. They seem to shun all
social interaction as they innately despise all dogs, other cats,
humans, robots, complex carbohydrates, and everything contained inside
your house. The only time a cat will ever make a personal appearance
is when you're carrying something heavy and thinking to yourself, "I
hope that stupid cat doesn't run in front of me." At that point the
cat will spontaneously teleport immediately in front of you and attach
itself onto your right leg, causing you to trip and fall down. When
you go to look around for the cat, it will be long gone, having
teleported back underneath the couch it first spawned from. Cats live
to see humans being injured, and if they had their way, the entire
human race would be trapped in a never-ending series of personal
tragedies that are often featured on "America's Funniest Home Videos."

Since cats loathe all forms of human contact, you will often find them
lurking in dark areas of your house, watching you and plotting complex
schemes which will lead to your untimely demise. Although many people
are not aware of it, mainly because I just made it up, cats were the
inspiration for the "face hugger" alien featured in the movie
"Aliens". The main difference between the two races is that while the
face hugger implants eggs into your stomach lining, a cat would much
rather prefer to merely tear out your stomach lining.