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Cat Forum / Health and Behavior / November 2003Help! My cat is trying to live somewhere else.
I got a cat back eight months ago ( adult, 4 years old, from cats protection). He's been a bit of a juvenile delinquent since I got him - bites , scratches, runs away. I've done my best to love him and feed him and give him a lovely warm home, a box, places to stay and places to play, and a bed to join me on at night if he wanted ( which he does), my whole house and my life revolves around his needs and I thought all was well. Whilst he isn't overly friendly to me he seemed happy enough and will even let me cuddle him occasionally. For the past four weeks though he hasn't been home as usual and today he disappeared all day. I had to go our looking for him. I called for him, checked all his known walks and hide holes and was fearing the worst. However, I found him next door! New neighbours moved in about four weeks ago. They have a cat and installed a cat flap. Apparently my cat has been a regular visitor ever since. There have even been fights between their cat and mine , and it seems mine is always wondering in. Well today they were out and he wondered in and didn't bother to come back , despite my calling him all afternoon and most of the evening. So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me? What can I do to make him want to stay with me? Why don't you try keeping your cat inside your home? That will probably solve the problem of it visiting your neighbor's home and fighting with their cat. Furthermore, it will solve the running away problem. > I got a cat back eight months ago ( adult, 4 years old, from cats > protection). [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me? > What can I do to make him want to stay with me? > I got a cat back eight months ago ( adult, 4 years old, from cats > protection). [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me? > What can I do to make him want to stay with me? Where are you? > > I got a cat back eight months ago ( adult, 4 years old, from cats > > protection). [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > > Where are you? I own a smallholding in the SW of England. My cat goes out because he chooses to. If I tried to keep him in he would scratch and chew the house to bits ( it was hell the first six weeks he was here , when he couldnt go out) I love him to bits and I would love him to be friendly but he seems to be more friendly with next door. I dont know what to do. > > Where are you? > > I own a smallholding in the SW of England. I assume there are no busy streets and that you feel he is safe outside? > My cat goes out because he chooses to. If I tried to keep him in he would > scratch and chew the house to bits ( it was hell the first six weeks he was > here , when he couldnt go out) My cats would choose to tear up the whole house just for fun if I allowed it. Instead, I've trained them. He could be trained, too. However--if you feel he is safe outside, this is your cat and your decision. If he is not safe outside you will find out soon enough, eh? > I love him to bits and I would love him to be friendly but he seems to be > more friendly with next door. > I dont know what to do. Well, following your thinking regarding the cat's free choice, all you can really do is suck up to him. <G> Be nicer to him than the neighbor's cat. Get a new cat (if you can handle two) who stays inside so that your boy has someone to play with indoors. One great option would be to adopt a cat from a no-kill shelter who has always been an indoor cat, then you would have no problem with him or her trying to get out. There are plenty of lovely and affectionate adult cats available. Predictability is one of the things that makes adult shelter cats better choices than kittens. Granted, sometimes the shelter staff knows more about some animals than others. You could also adopt from a private party who can assure you the cat is indoor only. If cat company is really what your boy wants, you can give it to him at home. > > > Where are you? > > > > I own a smallholding in the SW of England. > > I assume there are no busy streets and that you feel he is safe > outside? There is no traffic and he is as safe as he can be outside. I know he enjoys going out. he looks forward to me getting up every morning to let him out. I do bring him in when it gets dark - and he does come when called at night( even if I do sometimes have to wait a short while). >>>> Where are you? >>> [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > I do bring him in when it gets dark - and he does come when called at > night( even if I do sometimes have to wait a short while). See, you are "home" to him. Karen "Karen" <kchuplis@alltelPOP.netGOAWAY> wrote in message > > > See, you are "home" to him. That, and as someone pointed out, the fact that he sleeps with him, means that he is already attached and will only get more loving. Sometimes cats, like people, require some time to "blossom." > Karen > > > > Where are you? > > > [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > I do bring him in when it gets dark - and he does come when called at > night( even if I do sometimes have to wait a short while). Well then all you have to do is love him up some more! Think like a cat. Maybe a new catnip scratching pad or post? << I love him to bits and I would love him to be friendly but he seems to be more friendly with next door. I dont know what to do. >> Are your neighbors happy, unhappy, or indifferent about your cat coming in their house? I guess if you give him free roaming privileges (and I know that is the norm in the UK), he'll go where he wants to go as long as your neighbors also allow him in. Candace (take the litter out before replying by e-mail) See my cats: http://photos.yahoo.com/maccandace "One does not meet oneself until one catches the reflection from an eye other than human." (Loren Eisely) > Are your neighbors happy, unhappy, or indifferent about your cat coming in > their house? I guess if you give him free roaming privileges (and I know that > is the norm in the UK), he'll go where he wants to go as long as your neighbors > also allow him in. Well, until they realised I was worrying about him going miossing, I think they were either happy or indifferent. they certainly didnt kick him out. Now, I think though they are closing the cat flap ( which is how he gets in) when they go out, because Mick is coming home more. I am considering installing a cat flap in case he comes home whilst Im out and I have closed the door. There are plenty of out buildings he can use right outside the house but its not the same as coming in is it? I dont usually lock him out in any way. If I am in home the door is permanently open , Its only if I have to go down the bottom fields or out to town and Mick doesnt come come back when I call him - so a cat flap would do for that. > > Are your neighbors happy, unhappy, or indifferent about your cat coming in > > their house? I guess if you give him free roaming privileges (and I know [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > town and Mick doesnt come come back when I call him - so a cat flap would do > for that. Very good idea! Maybe it was the only thing that attracted him to the neighbor's.. the possibility to get in the comfort of a house. Hope it works. Elaine > So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me? > What can I do to make him want to stay with me? Some cats just like to be around other cats. Perhaps he needs a kitty friend and has decided your neighbor's will do. Even if they fight, they might get along sometimes, too. Like siblings. :) ------------------------------------------------- ~kaeli~ Jesus saves, Allah protects, and Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich. http://www.ipwebdesign.net/wildAtHeart http://www.ipwebdesign.net/kaelisSpace ------------------------------------------------- > > So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me? > > What can I do to make him want to stay with me? [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > Even if they fight, they might get along sometimes, too. Like siblings. > :) Now, this is an interesting one. When I took him on I was told his previous owner had given him up because he was fighting with the other cats in that household . They also said he would have to be an only cat because of his behaviour and the fact he couldnt get on with other cats. Ever since he arrived I have wondered if he was lonely for cat friends because he walked round the house opening up all the cupboards and doors looking inside. In fact he still does that but I have taken it as one of his odd behaviours ( he has many such quirks). Also, whilst no one seems to know or will tell me, I suspect he has been badly treated in the past. He is very frightened of being touched, even cuddled or stroked, or his coat brushed. He will join me in bed ( he has his own box in the wardrobe too, which he wanted) but only when he thinks I am asleep. He will jump up quietly, and slide up to sleep by my side. I thought he was improving and becoming a happy cat ( he seemed very listless and depressed when I first got him) and he was always only a few yards away from home , even when hiding in the garden , untill recently, when it seems he decided next door was better. >>> So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me? >>> What can I do to make him want to stay with me? [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > yards away from home , even when hiding in the garden , untill recently, > when it seems he decided next door was better. If he sleeps with you, you are doing the right things. He is just visiting. Especially if you are gone during the day, he wants company. I have a cat who gets after my other two all the time, and yet, I still think she would be lonely without them and more bored. I think you should just go on loving him up and accepting his visits. Karen > If he sleeps with you, you are doing the right things. He is just visiting. > Especially if you are gone during the day, he wants company. I have a cat > who gets after my other two all the time, and yet, I still think she would > be lonely without them and more bored. I think you should just go on loving > him up and accepting his visits. I have one like that - my Rowan is often antagonizing my other kids, yet I get the feeling that if I were to suddenly lose the other two, she'd be very upset and lonely. I wonder if some cats didn't learn the "right" way to interact with other cats and fight with them even though what they really want is just that - interaction. I know I suspect as much with Rowan. I got her at only 8 weeks, but she was a pet store pity purchase (she was sickly and in need of mothering) and an obvious BYB-kitty. I don't think she had any of the proper socialization between 0-8 weeks of age and after she came home with me, immediately ruled the roost with my laid-back male. She's just a dominant cat whose definition of interaction seems to be "to bother or annoy". LOL ------------------------------------------------- ~kaeli~ Jesus saves, Allah protects, and Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich. http://www.ipwebdesign.net/wildAtHeart http://www.ipwebdesign.net/kaelisSpace ------------------------------------------------- > Ever since he arrived I have wondered if he was lonely for cat friends > because he walked round the house opening up all the cupboards and doors > looking inside. In fact he still does that but I have taken it as one of his > odd behaviours ( he has many such quirks). They all do this, or at least every cat I have every had! It's just curiosity. >>New neighbours moved in about four weeks ago. They have a cat and installed >a cat flap. Apparently my cat has been a regular visitor ever since. I'm sure they're giving him treats, letting him eat their cat's food, play with his toys, playing with him, giving him catnip... Maybe you should just tell them not to feed him or to install a locking cat door that only their cat can open. You could also just share your cat with them. I shared my cat with neighbors at my condo. Everyone spoiled him rotten. Maybe after a while the newness of the neighbors will wear off and he'll spend more time with you. You could also totally spoil the neighbors cat just to get back at the neighbor and your cat ;-) >From: "mich" m_m_mouse@hotmail.com >So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me? >What can I do to make him want to stay with me? Is he neutered? ________ See my cats: http://community.webshots.com/album/56955940rWhxAe Raw Diet Info: http://www.holisticat.com/drjletter.html http://www.geocities.com/rawfeeders/ForCatsOnly.html Declawing Info: http://www.wholecat.com/articles/claws.htm > >From: "mich" m_m_mouse@hotmail.com > > >So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me? > >What can I do to make him want to stay with me? > > Is he neutered? He is neutered. I don't think he is unhappy with you.. he only likes to expand his territory. A dominant cat. It is strange that the neighbors don't complain of his visits if he attacks their cat. I suppose the catfights are really more play. If they are feeding him, ask them not to. Explain your worries that your cat will become independant of you. Elaine -- My cats: http://www.PictureTrail.com/gid906206 Article fran?ais sur le d?griffage http://chakashiva.tripod.com/degriffage.index.htm > I got a cat back eight months ago ( adult, 4 years old, from cats > protection). [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me? > What can I do to make him want to stay with me? > I don't think he is unhappy with you.. he only likes to expand his > territory. A dominant cat. It is strange that the neighbors don't > complain of his visits if he attacks their cat. I suppose the catfights are > really more play. > If they are feeding him, ask them not to. Explain your worries that your > cat will become independant of you. I wasnt even aware he was going there until he disappeared all day and I couldnt find him ( they have a cat flap and apparently he just walkes in!). They told me when I was out looking for him and asked people to check their stores and sheds in case he was locked in. I was a bit upset because I didn't know what he was doing. They dont seem to mind . But then, I dont think they know how many visits he may be paying , since they are out all day. I am here most of the time , and the cat used to come home roughly hourly to see me , or he would sit in the garden. he always came home for breakfast, and was in by 11.00 am for most of the "afternoon" snoozing in corner or his box. Its only recently he's taken to disappearing all day - and obviously he is snoozing next door having got in through the cat flap whilst they are out. > > I don't think he is unhappy with you.. he only likes to expand his > > territory. A dominant cat. It is strange that the neighbors don't [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > If they are feeding him, ask them not to. Explain your worries that your > > cat will become independant of you. I thought I would just put an update on this. I fitted a cat flap for Mick. He already knew how to use it, and since he got the "key to the door",it seems he doesn't want to go out and when he does he comes back every hour to see me! He also spends most afternoons indoors now ( although that may be due to a weather change). If I go out and close the door, I put the cat flap on to let him in but not to allow him back out. He seems happier now. As a side effect it seems most of his delinquent behaviour ( scratching, biting, etc)seems to have disappeared in the last couple of weeks too. He certainly isn't visiting next door as regularly. >>> I don't think he is unhappy with you.. he only likes to expand his >>> territory. A dominant cat. It is strange that the neighbors don't [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > He certainly isn't visiting next door as regularly. Good deal! > > > I don't think he is unhappy with you.. he only likes to expand his > > > territory. A dominant cat. It is strange that the neighbors don't [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > He certainly isn't visiting next door as regularly. Well you found the perfect solution. Great news! I remember you were thinking a bit about returning him. Glad you've reconciled with your cat. :-) Show us some pics sometime. Elaine Hi Mich , I'm glad its worked out OK. I find Kim spends most of the time inside in winter. She rarely leaves the garden for longer than half an hour , even in summer. Alison > I thought I would just put an update on this. > I fitted a cat flap for Mick. He already knew how to use it, and since he [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > He certainly isn't visiting next door as regularly. > New neighbours moved in about four weeks ago. They have a cat and installed > a cat flap. Apparently my cat has been a regular visitor ever since. There [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me? > What can I do to make him want to stay with me? About 8 years ago my brother moved, with his 2 cats, from New York City to California. In his first apartment, he shared a terrace with the apartment next door. One of his cats liked to go out onto the terrace, and if the neighbors left their door open she would go inside their apartment. She started spending more & more time at the neighbors (who didn't have a cat) and my brother was getting upset. He really took it personally, thinking she didn't like him anymore. My brother was only in the apartment for 6 months, when he found a new place to live. The neighbors said they would like to keep his cat, and he let them. I think he was still upset with her. It might have been a blessing in disguise, because he eventually moved in with his girlfriend who had two cats, so they ended up with a total of 3 instead of 4. I think the cat was happier being an only cat, and having two humans making a fuss over her. Liz > I got a cat back eight months ago ( adult, 4 years old...)... > I've done my best to love him and feed him...Whilst he [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want > me? What can I do to make him want to stay with me? You've got a George! George is the name of a cat my MIL had living her her neighborhood for many years. We didn't know his real name, so when my neice started calling him George, the name stuck. He acted like more of a 'neighborhood cat' rather than a 'personal cat'. He claimed everyone, would go into any house or approach any person in his 'sphere of influence'. He was obviously well-fed and healthy, we just couldn't figure out who his owner was. After at least five years, we found out who *owned* George and found he was a rescue cat that had been a stray for at least his first year, then adopted. He never could seem to stay right at home, but he always returned there after his adventures were over. His owner said he was terribly frantic and destructive if he was confined, and the vet recommended letting him be an indoor/outdoor cat. I guess the theory was that if he learned to survive for a whole year without human intervention before rescued, George must have learned a few 'rules of the road'. Anyway, the last I heard, George was at least 12 (so far as the owner and vet could ascertain), healthy, happy, and still roaming, but had reduced his visits to the closest two neighbors on either side of his home - he wouldn't cross the street anymore. ~Shelly~ > You've got a George! George is the name of a cat my MIL had living > her her neighborhood for many years. We didn't know his real name, so [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > reduced his visits to the closest two neighbors on either side of his > home - he wouldn't cross the street anymore. So I have to wait for him ( mines called mick) to get old and a bit lazy and fed up? <g>. I have to be honest and say I have thought of sending him back to the cats protection because I cant stand the worry of not knowing where he is like this. And because I got him for company as much as for anything else. If he isnt here, I may as well not have him. >> You've got a George! George is the name of a cat my MIL had living >> her her neighborhood for many years. We didn't know his real name, so [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > And because I got him for company as much as for anything else. If he isnt > here, I may as well not have him. You haven't had him that long. Maybe you could make arrangements and just go get him sometimes if he is gone too long. He will understand taht you want him home for company. Also, some really intriguing cat tree in the house might persuade him to stay home more. Also, the colder weather may get him to stay in more. Give him REALLY good treats too. Karen > > You've got a George! George is the name of a cat my MIL had living > > her her neighborhood for many years. We didn't know his real name, so [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > And because I got him for company as much as for anything else. If he isnt > here, I may as well not have him. Again, Mich-- go see about rescuing an adult, spayed, female cat that has always been indoors. They can be the sweetest creatures on earth. But keep your boy, too. He will change all the time, getting more attached to you. Patience! And get a little girl! >From: "Mary" rosefan@email.com >Again, Mich-- go see about rescuing an adult, spayed, female cat that >has always been indoors. They can be the sweetest creatures on earth. >But keep your boy, too. He will change all the time, getting more >attached to you. Patience! And get a little girl! I think that's a great idea! ________ See my cats: http://community.webshots.com/album/56955940rWhxAe Raw Diet Info: http://www.holisticat.com/drjletter.html http://www.geocities.com/rawfeeders/ForCatsOnly.html Declawing Info: http://www.wholecat.com/articles/claws.htm > >From: "Mary" rosefan@email.com > [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > I think that's a great idea! > ________ Thanks! :-) Bet there are lots of indoor kitties who need just the kind of company mich has to offer! > So I have to wait for him ( mines called mick) to get old and a > bit lazy and fed up? <g>. No, I didn't say that. George was a cool cat, your cat sounds just like him. > And because I got him for company as much as for anything else. If he isnt > here, I may as well not have him. Well, remember that you may have had a specific role set for him to play, but did you inform *him* about your expectations? Probably not, unless you speak fluent cat. Look at it this way, he's not an employee that you can say "My way or the Highway" to, he's more like a kid. When people have kids, they generally know they get what they get, there's no way to guarentee their kids will be as smart as the parents want, as healthy, or have the same tastes in music. But parents and kids learn to live with each other and love each other as individules. Maybe you could give it more time and see how things turn out? ~Shelly~ > So I have to wait for him ( mines called mick) to get old and a bit lazy > and fed up? <g>. [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > And because I got him for company as much as for anything else. If he isnt > here, I may as well not have him. Please do not give up on him this early. My Shiva was a one year old barn cat when I got her. She was shy and didnt cuddle at all or very little. After a year of having her I expressed my worries to my guy about her staying always wild. He told me she'd come around and every year since then she just opens up more and more... and we discover all the time such a special cat with an adorable personality. Cats can take a long time to adjust and to change. Imagine a little bit the hurt your cat will go through if you send him back to the shelter. It would be better though if you did settle something with the neighbors. They must find a way to block his passage. I am sure they would not appreciate it if their cat did the same. Very best of luck with Mick, Mich. Elaine << I have to be honest and say I have thought of sending him back to the cats protection because I cant stand the worry of not knowing where he is like this. Well, that seems mean to me. If you need a friendlier cat, get another one, and maybe Mick will hang around your house more. If the neighbors like him, tell them he can be your "shared" cat but don't take the poor guy back. It sounds like he is enjoying his life. Candace (take the litter out before replying by e-mail) See my cats: http://photos.yahoo.com/maccandace "One does not meet oneself until one catches the reflection from an eye other than human." (Loren Eisely) >> I got a cat back eight months ago ( adult, 4 years old...)... >> I've done my best to love him and feed him...Whilst he [quoted text clipped - 29 lines] > > ~Shelly~ We had a cat that "visited" a lot. At Halloween, at least two kids would say upon seeing him in the house "that's our cat". He always came "home" at night. Karen > I got a cat back eight months ago ( adult, 4 years old, from cats > protection). [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me? > What can I do to make him want to stay with me? Hi Mich , Maybe you're trying too hard. Cats don't generally really like to be cuddle, they preferrred to be stroked and brushed. Cats that are allowed out tend to be more independent , that's their true nature. Ask you neighbour if he could fit a magnetic cat door , it would mean there cat would have to use a collar though , you could offer to pay for it . if they dont want to do this , they could resort to using an aversion to keep your cat out . I feed my cat several small meals a day at the same time and she comes in like clockwork . I suggest you read Claire Bessant's ,The Cat Whisperer, lots of ideas of how to communicate and bond with your cat from www.amazon.co.uk A small holding , eh? lucky you ! I live in the S.E , West of London and small holdings are for lottery winners :-(( Alison |
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