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Cat Forum / Health and Behavior / September 2005Dmitri has crossed the rainbow bridge
I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. I guess he just passed away in his sleep during the night. He had very early stage CRF, so I expected to have him around for another year or two. I'm absolutely devastated. He showed no symptoms of CRF, and last night, had a big dinner of rabbit and rice. My uncle is on his way over now, and we're taking him to a crematorium. I had already made the decision to cremate when the time came, and having that decision already made was helpful. (Though no arrangments were made...I called my vet and got an emergency # and called that and they could arrange the cremation.) Looking back, I think Jack was trying to tell me this morning, and I've had the flu so didn't get up for awhile. He's acting weird, and then he got up and cuddled with Dmitri on the couch. It was so heartbreaking. Dmitri was the most loving cat in the world. He loved everybody, including all dogs. The vets always called him the little "Gentleman" because he was so polite and distinguished. More than anything, I hope there's truth to the Rainbow Bridge, and Sharik, my sweet golden retriever who raised Dmitri from a kitten, is waiting there for her baby. I miss him so. :-( Dmitri, 1989-2005 Loved by all who knew him.  SignatureTo email (remove annoying hyphens) j-u-l-i at e-c-t-dot-o-r-g > I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. > He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. > > I guess he just passed away in his sleep during the night. I'm so sorry, Juls, I know how much this hurts. I just lost my baby boy in 2004. Be good to yourself, and know that Jack is in a good place. > and know that Jack is in a good place. Sorry, I meant Dmitri. Jack will be lonely for him too. My heart goes out to both of you. > I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. > He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. I don't think Dmitri could have had a better friend. I hope you find comfort in the knowledge that you gave him a happy life. He was very fortunate to be loved- many cats die without ever being loved. I hope you'll find this site comforting- I know I do. http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html My condolences, Phil I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It is good, though, that he did not suffer and died in his sleep. You'll always have him in your heart. Gail >I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. > He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. > I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. > He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. > > I guess he just passed away in his sleep during the night. So sorry for your loss. He went peacefully - which is a blessing. I am sure he knows you loved him. -L. So sorry about Dmitri. The stories about Jack and Dmitri were just wonderful and it seems he passed easily which you can be glad about. Personally, I am counting with all my heart on that rainbow bridge. Barb Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time. ...> I guess he just passed away in his sleep during the night. ...> Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. Juls, I'm so sorry to hear this. I was here when you adopted Jack, and so enjoyed your Dmitri and Jack updates. Thank you for letting us know. I shared your happiness, and I share your sorrow. Gentle hugs to you and skritches to Jack. Annie Juls <checksig@none.com> wrote in rec.pets.cats.health+behav: > I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for > food. He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. I'm so sorry. Sounds like he went peacefully and without going through the roller coaster of progressive CRF. I can only hope the same for Kami. I've already been shopping for an urn early so I will have the perfect one without having to rush. She sends purrs to Jack. SignatureBrandy Alexandre® http://www.swydm.com/?refer=BrandyAlx Well, would you? > I'm so sorry. Sounds like he went peacefully and without going through > the roller coaster of progressive CRF. I can only hope the same for > Kami. I've already been shopping for an urn early so I will have the > perfect one without having to rush. She sends purrs to Jack. Thanks, Brandy, and everyone else for your comforting words. It really means a lot, and does help! I didn't want to lose Dmitri so soon, but I keep telling myself that it's a blessing he died the way he did, on his favorite spot on the couch, at home and without having to go through the hell. I've already taken him to the crematorium place and Jack is hanging in there. A few times he's gotten up on the spot on the couch, which isn't a place he goes. I guess he knows. Here's a picture I took a couple of months ago, so typical, heads together nuzzling. They were always loving each other (Dmitri is the black one) http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/dmitrijack/dj.jpg SignatureTo email (remove annoying hyphens) j-u-l-i at e-c-t-dot-o-r-g Juls <checksig@none.com> wrote in rec.pets.cats.health+behav: > Thanks, Brandy, and everyone else for your comforting words. It > really means a lot, and does help! [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/dmitrijack/dj.jpg Aw, he looks so sweet. Looks like our cat Charcoal when we were growing up. Very handsome face. He's a year younger than Kami--she was born in 1988. FYI, I just gave Kami sub-q. She hasn't eaten all of her food the last few days and today was only drinking water, threw up when she ate some food. Now she's just staring at me pissed off and... Kami-like. You were blessed. Really. I know it hurts, but it's better than the other way. SignatureBrandy Alexandre® http://www.swydm.com/?refer=BrandyAlx Well, would you? >> I'm so sorry. Sounds like he went peacefully and without going through >> the roller coaster of progressive CRF. I can only hope the same for [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > > http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/dmitrijack/dj.jpg What a sweet picture. Just think how happy you made both him and Jack by taking Jack in. Hug Jack for me. > I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. He > was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. Purrs for a glorious reunion for Dimitri and Shank! Best wishes for those who grieve. MLB > I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. > He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. Juls, I'm so sorry. For him, you, & Jack, of course. If Dmitri was in early stage CRF & showing no real symptoms yet, maybe there was also something else - hidden &/or cropped up really suddenly - going on which caused his unexpected (at this point in time) death? On the one hand, he died much earlier than expected - on the other (better) hand, at least he was feeling well right up through till last night. Cathy > -- > To email (remove annoying hyphens) > > j-u-l-i > at > e-c-t-dot-o-r-g > I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. > He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. Oh, no, Juls!!!!! I am so, so sorry. Dmitri was so special on this ng even before you got Jack and then the two of them were so precious to everyone. I am so sad for you and Jack. When you aren't in shock so much anymore, maybe you will be able to be thankful that he did die at home in his sleep. I have always hoped that would happen with my older kitties so I wouldn't be forced to make that "final decision." Maybe your sweet Dmitri gave that final gift to you intentionally...so you would not have to decide when. I'm sure he did. He seemed to always be concerned for your welfare. I am very, very sorry. You had a very special boy. Candace Juls, I am so sorry to hear about Dmitri. I hope the joy he brought you over the years helps you through this difficult time. You have my heartfelt condolences. Sue >I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. > He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. > I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. > He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. Oh nooooooo! Oh this just broke my heart. I am SOOooo sorry. The only thing I can say is that he was a gentleman even in death by going peacefully in his sleep and not making you make the decision. But it is just too too sad and my deepest condlences to you and Jack. Hugs and purrs. > I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. > He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. So sorry Juls. As others have said, it is far better this way - quietly, in peace and at home. It is the smallest of mercies but the most important. I had a black cat too, who passed away 4 years ago last month. He was the same age as Dmitri, too and like Dmitri he was loved by all. I prayed to the powers that be to make his final days slip away with grace. It wasn't to be. But a few weeks later a ragged, smelly, dirty, gas-passing, snoring cat with a broken tooth and half an ear found his way to my door. And he's blossomed into a beautiful, loving and sweet old gentleman. I know my beloved cat sent him to me. He was just what I needed to fill the hole in my heart and I was just what he needed as well. These things do happen. Dmitri is not gone. He'll always be there in your heart. Paul >I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. > He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. > > I guess he just passed away in his sleep during the night. Juls, I'm very sorry to hear about Dmitri. The story of Jack joining your family is one of my favorites from this newsgroup. -- Liz >I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. >He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] >Dmitri, 1989-2005 >Loved by all who knew him. I am so sorry for your and Jack's lost and send prayers and purrs for you both. I know what you are going through since we have lost 2 of our furbabies in the last year. God bless. http://members.aol.com/larrystark/ http://members.aol.com/larrystark/strays.htm I'm having a very hard time, and this is probably affecting Jack. The weirdest thing is that I had thought awhile back, I wish when Dmitri's time came, he would just slip away in his sleep and avoid any suffering. I thought somehow that would be easier emotionally, but it's not. I keep trying to think how much better for him this was, and how even in death, he retained his dignity. I guess it's just the shock of having a timeline in my head, having it mapped out, and thinking I had another year or two. I was emotionally steeled for all of that, but so grateful for the extra time. I'm a little worried about Jack. Maybe it's just his reaction to seeing me crying so much, but he seems a bit depressed. Not his usual bouncy, happy self. He slept most of yesterday (not like him), and then last night, it's as if he were looking for Dmitri to come bopping around the corner. He had this thing, when Dmitri was asleep and getting up, he would hear it. His ears perk up in a certain way, and he gets this excited look on his face, "Oh yay, Dmitri is up. yay, yay, yay!" So last night, he did that a number of times, his ears perking up the way they did only for Dmitri, and then this sad look of disappointment. Kind of like "Where is he?" Dmitri's vet just called, and that helped a lot. Even though I knew it was true, somehow having her say he didn't feel any pain and just slipped away in the night was comforting. I like her so much, and Dmitri really loved her. (Except when she did the anal squeeze!) She did ask how Jack was doing, and I explained, and she said lots of love (no shortage of that, he's been my rock) and make sure he eats. He is eating enough to survive (okay, he's 17 pounds, so he's got a little extra), but he's not wanting food 24/7 like usual. It's the first time I've ever seen him not really hungry. But he'll be okay, right? God, last night, he kept going to the walk in closet, which was Dmitri's favorite place to crash when he wanted total quiet. Their bed is in there. And he'd look and just sit there. Finally, he went and curled up in the bed. It was the first time since all of this he curled up into one of his funny positions, like he was comfortably sleeping. Today he's kind of fussy, and now just kind of sitting/lying in his tower bed, staring at the wall. My poor guy. I feel like Dmitri's spirit is going to send him another brother, a guy who really needs a good, happy home. Well, I know this was just a rambling post, but I feel better having typed it out. I think today is going to be a better day. Juls SignatureTo email (remove annoying hyphens) j-u-l-i at e-c-t-dot-o-r-g > I'm having a very hard time, and this is probably affecting Jack. > [quoted text clipped - 50 lines] > > Juls So sorry for your loss. Your Jack is mourning the loss too. My Tigger went thought this a couple of times. The first time I freaked out because she wasn't acting herself or eating as she normally did and I was afraid I was losing her too. We took her to the vet who said physically she was fine, she was just missing her best bud. You're right, there is another guy out there needing a good home and a good friend. Just take your time and you'll find him. W It's taking Sugar months to adjust to losing Grant. Between that and Pearl's heart trouble, she is stressing. Licking her hair on her arms thin. And not coming to bed at night but meowing and just being restless all night. Oddly enough, yesterday, I thought, I wonder if moving the bedroom around would help. So, I changed the room around and by golly it's the first night in months that she only meowed a little bit and then came to bed. I was thrilled when she laid on my feet (hasn't done that since Grant died). She didn't stay, but she did go lay in the window catnapper and seemed content. So, it's something to think about in a month or two. Making some changes might give you both a bit of a "fresh start" without being unfaithful. It took me actually about 4 months before I could think of Grant without crying but he really did have a crappy last two weeks and that all still upsets me. I hope that you get there sooner knowing that Dmitri never suffered. (((((hugs)))) > I'm having a very hard time, and this is probably affecting Jack. > [quoted text clipped - 50 lines] > > Juls > It's taking Sugar months to adjust to losing Grant. Between that and Pearl's > heart trouble, she is stressing. Licking her hair on her arms thin. And not [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > (((((hugs)))) Thanks, Karen. You know, the oddest thing just happened. I had neglected my garden for a few days (we had some rain, so wasn't disastrous), and I thought, I'll go outside and water and force myself to get some fresh air. I had planted a wildflower garden and when I went out there, it was full of monarchs. Must have been 7 or 8 of them. I'd never seen monarchs (or monarch lookalikes) out there before. It made me smile...Dmitri always loved butterflies and if a moth accidentally got inside, he'd chase it for hours. I never let them go outside, but I thought, maybe this fresh air will do Jack some good as well, so I took him to my vegetable garden where I've got some catnip growing and let him roll around in the catnip. Then we picked some and came back inside and he rolled around on it, then played with Dmitri's toy star on a string. It's weird, but it's almost like the cloud is starting to lift a bit. And then he was HUNGRY. There was a little bit of Dmitri's dry K/D diet left, and he started pouncing the bag, so I said, "Dmitri would want you to have that," and let him have some. I figure a little bit of it isn't going to hurt him, and he just chowed down like he hadn't eaten in days. (He hadn't really eaten much since all this happened, actually neither of us has) I don't know if my mood changed a tiny bit because of the butterflies, or if the fresh air did us both some good, or a combo, but that little jaunt outdoors seems to have really helped us both. I'm getting ready to make the plunge and wash and remove Dmitri's bowl and litter box. It seems silly, but I just couldn't bring myself to even clean the litterboxes, let alone clean Dmitri's and put it in the basement for now. I think your idea of making small changes is a good one. Juls SignatureTo email (remove annoying hyphens) j-u-l-i at e-c-t-dot-o-r-g > > It's taking Sugar months to adjust to losing Grant. Between that and Pearl's > > heart trouble, she is stressing. Licking her hair on her arms thin. And not [quoted text clipped - 29 lines] > Then we picked some and came back inside and he rolled around on it, > then played with Dmitri's toy star on a string. Oh that is wonderful. Maybe you can do outside visits with him regularly. > It's weird, but it's almost like the cloud is starting to lift a bit. > And then he was HUNGRY. There was a little bit of Dmitri's dry K/D diet [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > in days. (He hadn't really eaten much since all this happened, actually > neither of us has) Oh that made me smile. > I don't know if my mood changed a tiny bit because of the butterflies, > or if the fresh air did us both some good, or a combo, but that little > jaunt outdoors seems to have really helped us both. I'm sure it helped a lot. Both things. > I'm getting ready to make the plunge and wash and remove Dmitri's bowl > and litter box. It seems silly, but I just couldn't bring myself to > even clean the litterboxes, let alone clean Dmitri's and put it in the > basement for now. I couldn't vacuum for a month after Grant died. I felt horrible because all I had left was his hair. I couldn't put away his puff balls until I got his ashes back. Then it seeemed ok, to put them in the little chest with him because he really loved those purple puff balls. > I think your idea of making small changes is a good one. It does help, but it can be hard to do. (((hugs))) > Juls > I think your idea of making small changes is a good one. No no! Its too soon to make any changes. Think about it from his perspective. His best bud and companion is gone, he's confused because doesn't know where Dmitri is and why he can't find him. Cats are very sensitive to peoples' emotions- his emotional radar is picking up your sadness and depression- so, to him, there's something different about you, too. To him, his little world has suddenly changed drastically. I think making any changes, at least in the near- however minor, will only add to his confusion and anxiety. I think you should wait until he's gone through his mourning process and has come to terms with Dmitri's absence and his new life before you make any changes. Right now, Jack needs security- and the one thing that makes a cat feel secure the most is their regular routine with no changes. Phil > > I think your idea of making small changes is a good one. > [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > and the one thing that makes a cat feel secure the most is their regular > routine with no changes. I don't want to sound too anal (because I know I'm overthinking all of this...even my mom told me that today, but then she added, "that's just your personality, to overthink, so there's no changing it now..."). But I did go ahead and clean out the litter boxes. I took them outside and scrubbed them out, which is something I would have done today anyway because it needed to be done. But I put Dmitri's box in the basement, and then put Jack's back where it belonged. The one thing I did do was go ahead and put down some cat paper. That had been for Dmitri because he occasionally would miss and do a little dribble on the floor. I don't know why I did the cat paper, I just did. Was this too big a change? (Okay, here's the anal part) If so, I could go get the box out of the basement and grab some dirty litter out of the trash can outside. LOL. I'm serious, I would do it if it would help Jack. The boxes needed to be cleaned and until today, I couldn't even scoop. Fortunately, Jack was a lot less persnickety about the condition of the boxes than Dmitri was. What about the food area? Dmitri's plate is still there, but it was licked clean. Stay or put away? (They actually swapped back and forth on the plates, just because that's what they did.) At least last night I had the sense to put the cat bed back where Dmitri liked it...the floor of the bedroom closet. Jack always liked to swipe the spot from Dmitri, and I moved the bed and put it on my bed, thinking he might like to lie in it there. He wasn't interested. I put it back, and soon I found him curled up in a good sleep. His happy sleep. Sometimes I just think I'm going to die of the grief, I really do. And then Jack runs over and I'm reminded why I can't. I do know it gets better...I've been through this so many times before, losing a dear pet. But, god, it just never gets any easier. SignatureTo email (remove annoying hyphens) j-u-l-i at e-c-t-dot-o-r-g >>> I think your idea of making small changes is a good one. >> [quoted text clipped - 48 lines] > I do know it gets better...I've been through this so many times before, > losing a dear pet. But, god, it just never gets any easier. Well, like I said, I didn't even vacuum for a month. I left his toys exactly where they were until I could stand to move them. But a little thing like letting Jack enjoy the garden with you, I don't think that is a bad thing at all. I'd say being with him as much as possible is important. Sharing with him. Let your instincts guide you. > Sometimes I just think I'm going to die of the grief, I really do. And > then Jack runs over and I'm reminded why I can't. > > I do know it gets better...I've been through this so many times before, > losing a dear pet. But, god, it just never gets any easier. It's been less than 2 days so, of course, it's very hard right now. It will get better. Maybe you'll dream of him. I dreamt of my Cory about 3 weeks after he died and I knew he was okay then. I dreamt of him 2 more times after that. Maybe the butterflies were a message. I look for messages a lot when I'm grieving. You'll get better, Jack will get better. I think the litter box and plate being put away are fine. I think Phil meant bigger changes like moving the furniture around. It really does get better with time. Candace > It's been less than 2 days so, of course, it's very hard right now. It > will get better. Maybe you'll dream of him. I dreamt of my Cory about > 3 weeks after he died and I knew he was okay then. I dreamt of him 2 > more times after that. Maybe the butterflies were a message. I look > for messages a lot when I'm grieving. You know, I kind of took the butterflies as a message. There were so many and that wildflower patch never looked so beautiful. I keep picturing him chasing butterflies with Sharik over the bridge, and that does help. The presentation that PhilP posted about the bridge...too moving for words. > You'll get better, Jack will get better. I think the litter box and > plate being put away are fine. I think Phil meant bigger changes like > moving the furniture around. > > It really does get better with time. Thank you, I know it does, it always has...I guess I'm wanting instant relief, which isn't possible. I can't thank everyone enough for so much support and kindness. It's just amazing, and Jack sends love and purrs to all of you and yours. Juls SignatureTo email (remove annoying hyphens) j-u-l-i at e-c-t-dot-o-r-g > You know, I kind of took the butterflies as a message. There were so > many and that wildflower patch never looked so beautiful. I keep > picturing him chasing butterflies with Sharik over the bridge, and that > does help. The presentation that PhilP posted about the bridge...too > moving for words. I bet you're right. Candace > You know, I kind of took the butterflies as a message. There were so > many and that wildflower patch never looked so beautiful. I keep > picturing him chasing butterflies with Sharik over the bridge, and that > does help. That's just how he wants you think of him. The presentation that PhilP posted about the bridge...too > moving for words. I have it on a loop and play it for hours on my parted cats' birthdays. It sure brings tears to my eyes- but I always end up with a smile! Phil My 15 year old Sapphire died. She was Pickle's (2 year old) best little friend. They did everything together. In a few days I noticed Pickles was walking funny, like she forgot the rhythm of her walk. I called her and she came almost over and then lay down on her side. I was terrified and took her to the vet. She wouldn't barely show him the new walk but he took her temperature and it was elevated. He put her on some cortisone and said if she wasn't back to normal in a couple days he would run the blood tests and what not. Thank goodness in a couple days she was back to her usual self and has been fine ever since. All this was half a year ago. It seems she had to relearn all the routines she followed with Sapphire like where to go when I'm on the computer, what to do after breakfast, etc.. I believe she mourns in her own way as much as I do. -- Barb Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time. .. > I believe she mourns in her own way as much as I do. Every time this subject comes up I end up telling this story as proof cats do mourn. We had to have Fugazi PTS and that left her sister Isis- they had never been apart before (except in the holding pens when they were spayed) so we wondered how she'd take it. Anyway the first night she wasn't concerned Fugazi was an Olympic standard sleeper and Isis must have assumed she was asleep somewhere. However the next day she started to wander around the house, looking in all the sleeping places and calling softly like a mother cat calls her kittens. She went off her food as well (and this is a cat who licked her bowl clean before she crossed the bridge!) This went on for three days and on the third day, we heard a crash from the bedroom. Fugazi was a climber and Isis wasn't so when Fugazi had had enough of it all, she would retreat to a box on top of the wardrobe where she could sleep and not be disturbed by Isis. the crash was Isis, who had with great effort managed to get on top of the wardrobe and she ran to the box with an expression that said "You've gotta be here! Got ya!" Then she stared into the empty box and let out a sad cry and came back down. After that she was okay but it was as if she had to be sure that there was nowhere where Fugazi could be hiding from her Lesley Slave of the Fabulous Furballs > .. >> [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > down. After that she was okay but it was as if she had to be sure that > there was nowhere where Fugazi could be hiding from her First off my condolences to Juls. I remember readin a group recently about someone who had one of their cats PTS and bought the dead cat home to let the other cats sniff and see that their friend had passed on. After reading your post I wonder whether this would be a good thing to do generally as it would sort of let the other cat(s) know that the deceased kitty hasn't just disappeared. I'd never thought of it before but when one of mine crosses to the bridge I will definitely be bringing him back for the other 3 to see in the hope that they will understand. SignatureNiel H > I remember readin a group recently about someone who had one of their cats > PTS and bought the dead cat home to let the other cats sniff and see that [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > definitely be bringing him back for the other 3 to see in the hope that they > will understand. I'm not sure Jack understood that Dmitri was gone forever, because that first night, I could tell he was expecting Dmitri to come around the corner, or down the hall. He has a special ear perk for Dmitri only and the only sounds were the AC kicking on and off, but his ears would perk and he'd get this look of anticipation that he always got. He could hear Dmitri wake up on the other side of the house and always perked his ears, got a certain look on his face, and Dmitri would come walking down the hall, all sleepy headed. I would always say "There he is" in a weird voice, and Jack would run to him and kiss him. But Jack did view the body, and actually cuddled it. (and I have no idea what transpired while I was still asleep, though maybe nothing because Dmitri was a deep sleeper and didn't look unusual at all) That whole scene Sunday morning is a blur in my mind, but at some point, I looked over and Jack was on the couch, partially on top of Dmitri just cuddling. I just didn't know if he knew or not. Looking back, I might have done a few things differently that morning (like maybe not rushing to get Dmitri to the crematory in that first hour), but I was completely out of my head. SignatureTo email (remove annoying hyphens) j-u-l-i at e-c-t-dot-o-r-g > Slave of the Fabulous Furballs LOL, this really made me laugh out loud. Thank you. :) SignatureTo email (remove annoying hyphens) j-u-l-i at e-c-t-dot-o-r-g > > > I think your idea of making small changes is a good one. > > [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > > Was this too big a change? Not really- but (Okay, here's the anal part) If so, I could > go get the box out of the basement and grab some dirty litter out of > the trash can outside. LOL. I'm serious, I would do it if it would help > Jack. The boxes needed to be cleaned and until today, I couldn't even > scoop. Fortunately, Jack was a lot less persnickety about the condition > of the boxes than Dmitri was. Removing Dmitri's litterbox could send the signal that Dmitri isn't coming back. It might help or it might depress him more. Either way- don't move it back- at this point, that will only add to Jack's confusion. > What about the food area? Dmitri's plate is still there, but it was > licked clean. Stay or put away? (They actually swapped back and forth > on the plates, just because that's what they did.) If the plate is still there, I'd leave it and continue to put a little food on it because eating from both plates was part of his routine. > At least last night I had the sense to put the cat bed back where > Dmitri liked it...the floor of the bedroom closet. Jack always liked to > swipe the spot from Dmitri, and I moved the bed and put it on my bed, > thinking he might like to lie in it there. He wasn't interested. I put > it back, and soon I found him curled up in a good sleep. His happy > sleep. I'm sorry. I should have suggested not changing anything in my first reply- I guess I was a little more upset than I thought and wasn't thinking. It looks like he wanted the bed right where it was. I'm glad the move didn't upset him. I worry so much when a cat loses his companion and best bud- their emotions are so fragile and they're confused about what has happened. I don't want to do anything that will add to their confusion or interfere with the security of their routine. > Sometimes I just think I'm going to die of the grief, I really do. And > then Jack runs over and I'm reminded why I can't. Just try to be careful not to smooch him too much more or any differently than when Dmitri was here- cats pick up on your emotions. His life has changed drastically; he needs the security of knowing that you're still the same. > I do know it gets better...I've been through this so many times before, > losing a dear pet. But, god, it just never gets any easier. Every time I think of my dearly departed cats I always start off sad. Then I start remembering some of the really funny things they used to do and all things I loved about them. Pretty soon, I'm smiling and even chuckling a little. I think that's how they want us to remember them. So don't try to suppress memories- let them flow! The more you remember, the better you'll feel. Cats may only have nine lives- but they can live in your heart and mind *forever* as long as you keep their memory alive. Phil > Removing Dmitri's litterbox could send the signal that Dmitri isn't coming > back. It might help or it might depress him more. Either way- don't move > it back- at this point, that will only add to Jack's confusion. He did seem a bit upset when he first walked in to use it and Dmitri's red box was gone. He kept sniffing it (even though they had their own boxes, Dmitri had a habit of just using whichever one he felt like, which annoyed the heck out of Jack), but finally started digging holes and then doing his thing. But now I'm just trying to keep things as close to normal as possible, and that is helping. He slept again last night in Dmitri's bed, and it was another happy sleep. (where he's curled up on his back, his arms in the air) As soon as I got into bed, he was right there with me, but that's his usual routine. And this morning, he had two helpings of food, so I think his appetite is coming back. All good signs. And I didn't burst into tears first thing when I woke up... :) I don't know if I mentioned this before or not, but Dmitri's vet called me yesterday, and that was reassuring. She said the fact that he had gone to sleep on the couch and not in a hidy spot meant he was feeling fine. I hadn't even thought about that, but so true. If he wasn't feeling well, he went behind the bed. Even though I know he died peacefully, that was a good reminder that I hadn't missed something. SignatureTo email (remove annoying hyphens) j-u-l-i at e-c-t-dot-o-r-g > I think your idea of making small changes is a good one. > > Juls That is definitely a good idea. Too much too fast is...well...TOO MUCH! Anyway, I am sitting here reading this thread and my heart is just aching for you, Juls. I can barely tolerate the thought of losing Luna or Dudley, yet I know that someday their time will come. I hope I can handle it with the grace that you and Jack have! big hugs, Pam & crew <gentle snip> > Dmitri was the most loving cat in the world. He loved everybody, > including all dogs. The vets always called him the little [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. Juls, I'm so sorry. He knew he was loved. SignatureCheryl "The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath." - W.C. Fields I am sorry to hear about your loss. At least he went peacefully and with no pain. SignatureCat Galaxy: All Cats! All The Time! www.catgalaxymedia.com Panther TEK: Staying On Top Of Your Computer Needs! www.panthertekit.com >I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. > He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. I'm so sorry for your loss. Dmitri was obviously well-loved and had a great life with you. Stacia I'm so sorry. It must have been a shock for you. {{{Run free Dmitri}}} Alison > I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. > He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > Dmitri, 1989-2005 > Loved by all who knew him. http://www.wtv-zone.com/nywoman/PAGES/PAGE30.html > http://www.wtv-zone.com/nywoman/PAGES/PAGE30.html ::sob:: Thank you. :) Juls SignatureTo email (remove annoying hyphens) j-u-l-i at e-c-t-dot-o-r-g > > http://www.wtv-zone.com/nywoman/PAGES/PAGE30.html > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Juls I'll say, that was a major tear-jerker. The black kitty even looked like Dmitri. How are you and Jack doing today? Candace > > > http://www.wtv-zone.com/nywoman/PAGES/PAGE30.html > > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > How are you and Jack doing today? Hey Candace, Thanks for asking. We're hanging in there. I just know one of these mornings I'm going to wake up and find that cloud of doom lifted...I'm looking forward to that day! Jack's having a tough time, poor little guy. Today was the first day I saw that he's really lonely for his big brother. Just really lonely. And it just ripped out my heart. They had so many routines that were entertwined, and now he's having to go it alone. He keeps looking at the spot on the couch like he expects him to just appear there. But I did get him to play for a few minutes, and for those few minutes, he really enjoyed it. I made a teepee out of sale ads that were in the mailbox and wiggled a stick underneath. LOL. He's eating (not much by his usual standards, but enough to get by), and I put out two clean plates today, a dab on each plate. He went back and forth (they always played musical plates), and somehow that seemed to bring him some comfort. (Hat tip to Phil for that) He's sleeping a LOT, and seems to find his best sleep in the bed they shared. Actually, they stole it back and forth...as soon as one got up for a drink or potty, the other swooped in and took the bed. I'm glad I put it back in the closet floor where it belonged. So I'm really worried about him, yet I know we'll both get better, together. It just takes time. And when he's ready, I know Dmitri will send someone our way, someone who really needs a happy home and a big brother to look after him/her. Jack is super clingy and got really upset when I went outside to get the trash ready for pickup tomorrow. I'm going to put together a little memorial when Dmitri's ashes are ready and invite my mom, and a couple of aunts and uncles. One set of aunt/uncle I'm sure will think it's over the top (they aren't pet people), but I'll bet they come. The other set, well lets just say everybody on this group would love them. They've got cats out the yin yang, all rescues of one sort or another. And their daughter, my little cousin, was just accepted to University of Missouri, where she's going to study to become a vet. So we'll celebrate that too. She starts in Fall 2006 and I couldn't be more thrilled. So that's kind of giving me something to think about and try to make special. And I'll make a donation in his name to somewhere. I was thinking a no-kill shelter, but it's sounding like the hurricane effort may need help too. (I'm kind of avoiding tv right now because I just can't handle it) Tomorrow I'm going to try and actually do some work (I work from home fortunately) and get back into the routine as best I can. That will probably be good for both of us. Still lots of tears, but lots of kisses and hugs from a big gray puffball of love. Juls SignatureTo email (remove annoying hyphens) j-u-l-i at e-c-t-dot-o-r-g > http://www.wtv-zone.com/nywoman/PAGES/PAGE30.html This is a "keeper". Thanks for sharing. MLB >I got up this morning, and he didn't join Jack in the kitchen for food. >He was still sleeping on the couch, in his usual nap position. > >I guess he just passed away in his sleep during the night. I'm so sorry, Juls
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