On Sun, 26 Jun 2005 15:04:16 -0500, "CatNipped"

In his long life he's been an indoor/outdoor cat, and I'm thinking
it's skin cancer, as well, which is why I don't see a lot of point in
doing anything further.  The fact that his other ear is getting a
little scaly and has a dark blotch near the tip makes me think that
it's just a matter of time for the other one.

He's such an amazing cat and has survived so much--when he was six
months old he was hit by a car when I was out of town. A neighbor was
supposed to be watching him. A different neighbor took him to a vet
that wasn't mine, and even though he agreed to pay until I coudl get
back in town and confirm, that vet STILL didn't do anything. When I
got back two days later I OK'd surgery--his back left leg was broken
and had to be pinned back together, and his jaw wired, and he was
coming out of all of that when he started yowling in pain for no
reson. Turned out the vet had used him as a teaching case, unbeknownst
to me, and the student had put in a pin that was too long.  The pin
had extended up toward the sciatic nerve and the nerve had grown into
it, so they had to go back then and tease it all out surgically.  This
was at six months. Then at eight years he got the rickettsial
infection, which I nursed him through but left him with the
cauliflower ear, and only about 2 and a half years ago an
irresponsible renting neighbor -- an equine vet resident, of all
things--let his girlfriend's cat out. This cat loved people, hated
other cats.  Mac, at 17, was peacefully sunning himself on my front
stoop when he apparently was attacked and the other cat tried to kill
him. My other neighbors saw it, called me at work and I rushed him
home.  Once again I was sure he was a goner, and had even dug a grave,
but he made it through and has been great--and completely indoor--ever
since.  Now this seems to bother him so much, and he is very stiff
with what I think is arthritis, and much as I want to keep him alive
because he's always been such a fighter, I don't think it's fair to
him to make him endure any more. I think he stays alive for me, and
it's time for me to let him go.  I don't think he understands what
death is, though I had the kitty who'd been with him all his life put
down on New Year's 2001 for bad cancer.  I've been trying to sent
mental pictures to him of him playing with her when they were kittens,
and of chasing crunched up cigarette packs back when he was a kitten
himself, and I think maybe he is ready to go.  I've had him since he
was an embryo--his mother was an outiside stray I fed who, never
having been in my house one night ran int he door when I opened it,
jumped on the sofa and started giving birth. I moved her into the
closet; Mac was the first one out. I found homes for her and the other
kittens but kept him.

This is the hardest one ever for me, but I think it's time I thought
of him first.  After the last vet visit, when he peed in the crate (he
has never done that before) , I promised him he'd never have to go to
the vet again...he's had so much pain and still is such a sweet cat.

So I think, tomorrow, I make an appointment to have the vet come here
on Friday. It will give me time to really accept the idea, spoil him
and say goodbye, and after it's over, to grieve. I have three other
cats--17, 16 and unknown (another stray) but I think this will be the
hardest thing I've ever done or wil do.  It's time to let him go and
be thankful I had him at all.  He's taught me so much-- patience.
This guy will sit quietly for half an hour when he wants something,
not moving.  Faith. He has absolute faith that I will get the message
and either give him what he wants or at least give him affection.
Trust. He trusts me completely and totally, which is why I have to
give him this gift.