Berry: A compelling case for premium pet food
By Julie Berry

Today's question is for conscientious pet owners. Why buy kibbles at $40
per bag as opposed to $5? Why pay eight times more for food pets like less?

I usually feed my cats pricey, "scientific," hard-to-find cat food which
they receive with bland indifference. But once, when I ran out, I bought
Meow Mix, and they tore through the grocery bag and cat food bag to get at
it. Kind of like my husband with a new bag of chips.

But why, besides a passive-aggressive salvo at the cats, do we feed them
bland but pricey food? Is it for optimal weight maintenance, for hairball
reduction, or for anti-aging phytochemicals, as the bags suggest? Or for
the delicately phrased "reduced fecal volume?"

My reason numero uno is that cat food is a staple in the diet of my
crawling infant. It's his main source of protein.

Every day I try to keep it away from him. When baby is down on the floor,
cat dishes go up on the counter. When baby is up for his nap, cat dishes go
down on the floor. As you can see, this is a complicated system, prone to
error. I still end up with malnourished cats and a baby full of Iams.

I hesitate to admit this, because my very pet-oriented sister has told me
horror stories about how cat food is made -- the cheap stuff, at any rate.
It's made from fatty wastewater byproducts -- the fat that rises to the top
of the sewage water vat -- combined with animal meal which is "rendered" by
grinding up, cooking, and pulverizing road kill, euthanized pets, unsold
grocery store meat, and livestock parts unused for food.

If you think I'm lying, Google "animal food rendering," or visit the
website of the Center for Food Safety, for some light reading that is
guaranteed to turn you organic vegan in 700 words or less. I thought I'd be
able to make all sorts of jokes about pet food made from sewage but the
reality is just way too grody.

Dog chow from poo-poo water and pet carcasses? Can they do that? Of course
they can. Unrestrainedly. Humans are protected by a Food and Drug
Administration which restrains food manufacturers from mixing too much
sewage in our food. That's their job: restraint. "Not so much sewage, hon,"
FDA inspectors say to the ladies mixing hot dog ingredients in a tub. "No
more than 33 percent."

"No problem. Absolutely," says the plant foreman, hovering near. "Your
inspection is nearly done. Let me buy you a drink."

But I digress on hotdogs. The real point is that pricey pet food does not
obtain its ingredients in these vile, repulsive ways. It says so on the
bag: "Our food is not made from sewage, nor the body of your former pet.
Only from all-natural organic whole food ingredients harvested by well-paid
workers with full benefits."

What a relief! The bag doesn't exactly say "safe for baby," but then,
neither do hot dogs. I'm sure the nice people at the cat food company would
tell me if it wasn't. Anyway, he's their best customer. So I don't mind the
$40 price, because nothing's too good for my baby. Especially if it can
reduce his fecal volume.