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Cat Forum / Health and Behavior / February 2005Frustration with the husband over treatment/etc
Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past 24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. We had to take Jasper to the Animal 911 yesterday because our vet is closed on Sundays. The 911 place is VERY expensive. NO question about it. Tim wanted them to simply give supportive care over night so we could bring him to our vet today. I wanted them to do more tests (blood work and xrays because i wanted more immediate answers). He felt like it was too "convenient" that the specialist had an opening for us after they told us she likely didn't because she is so good and so in-demand. I thought he was being paranoid and I thought we were lucky. I also thought it was really important that Jasper not have to be moved. If we went Tim's route, we would have had to pick Jasper up this morning at 7:30 to take him to the regular vet. They probably would have wanted to do more testing there, which was not MUCH cheaper than the 911 place. Then, they would likely have said he needs to see a specialist and have an ultrasound, which is not something they could have done there with immediate results. So, we would have had to pack him up and move him once again. He clearly needed continual care overnight, at least tonight, until we can be certain he is hungry, eating, and able to keep food and meds down. So, we would have had quite a bit on our plate to work out. The way I saw it last night was...pay now but it would be worth it in the long run (hopefully!) Well, Tim had to work today. So he was not with me for any of this stuff today. But when I told him the quote for 3 days/nights at the clinic under the care of the specialist and the 911 overnight care...he kinda freaked out. (I was pretty much in agreement with him, but feeling pretty helpless and not sure what to do.) He had dinner at his mom's tonight who is a total dog freak. She has had umpteen zillion dogs over the years and always has at least 4 in the house at any given time (and a bird and a cat and a partridge in a pear tree...but I digress) So over dinner she tells Tim that she wasnt particularly fond of Animal 911 either...of course because of $$$. And that she and all her dog club people agree that you take a pet there in case of an emergency but you never have them do testing and what not. Great, Anita. Thanks for helping. GRR. He just calls to say he is on the way and informs me of all this and I reply with "well at least we didnt have to move jasper around. he was SO agitated and i really think that counts for a lot!" And he says "Whatever. I guess we just dont agree. But I am glad he is feeling better." Well...WTF is the point of telling me that other sh.t? What's done is done. I am well aware this is more than we ever expected to be spending, but life works that way sometimes. I am not saying we are rich by any means (jeez, i am a TEACHER, ya know?) but we BOTH have jobs and we BOTH have credit...so GET OVER IT. Ya know? And maybe from this experience we'll learn some stuff and do it differently in the future if need be. If Jasper can really end up coming home tomorrow...I say this was worth every damn penny. Hm. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. Interesting, too, in light of the long thread about the price for kitty. Pam > Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past > 24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. We had to take Jasper to [quoted text clipped - 40 lines] > spending, but life works that way sometimes. I am not saying we are rich > by any means (jeez, i am a TEACHER, ya know?) On the BEDS form - a NYS (although for all I know other states have them, too) survey/statistics deal that each teacher fills out once/year, there's room for 6-digits in the salary field. This has always cracked me up. but we BOTH have jobs and > we BOTH have credit...so GET OVER IT. Ya know? Yep. And maybe from this > experience we'll learn some stuff and do it differently in the future if > need be. If Jasper can really end up coming home tomorrow...I say this [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > Pam Well, FWIW, I'd also say it's worth every penny. But I would bet there are lots of disagreements in households - all over the place - about what level of vet care to go with/what route to take. Cathy > Well, FWIW, I'd also say it's worth every penny. But I would bet there are > lots of disagreements in households - all over the place - about what level > of vet care to go with/what route to take. I'd generalize this even further. Where there are finances to be discussed, there are disagreements =P It's just particularly traumatic when it comes to our beloved pets.  Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca > Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past > 24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. [...] > Hm. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. Interesting, too, in > light of the long thread about the price for kitty. Dear Pam. Perhaps you might point out to hubby that the way you are caring for Jasper might give him an idea of the way you might care for him should he get sick. What price love? >>Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past >>24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. [...] [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > you are caring for Jasper might give him an idea of the way > you might care for him should he get sick. What price love? Heh. Heheh. Egggggcellent point! ;);) Pam I like this response. My grandfather said something one time about me spending a $1000.00 on my dog for knee surgery and I told him OK then so when you get old and can't get around how about if we just take you out back and shoot you to. It would save us a whole lot of money!!!!!! He never said another word about it ever again. Celeste > > Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past > > 24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. [...] [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > you are caring for Jasper might give him an idea of the way > you might care for him should he get sick. What price love? <snip> > Hm. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. Interesting, too, in > light of the long thread about the price for kitty. > > Pam Well, Pam, if I had a penny for evey "discussion" like that I have had with my DH, I'd be a rich lady! ;) (Not even about cats, either!) I chalk it up to control/detail orientation/spendthriftiness/genius IQ./and a huge dose of ego. ;) Guys - whatcha gonna do?!? -L. > He just calls to say he is on the way and informs me of all this and I reply > with "well at least we didnt have to move jasper around. he was SO agitated [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > differently in the future if need be. If Jasper can really end up coming > home tomorrow...I say this was worth every damn penny. I know, I know, I know. After I read the price for kitty thread, I took the initiative and talked to DH about my feelings on vet care and costs. I felt it was important to let him know because we make mutual decisions about expenditures over $300 (arbitrary number), but to me this is a health cost, just like it would be if I had an unexpected illness. Not subject to mutual agreement. DH's basic stance was "let's not talk about it until it comes up," which on one hand seems silly (why not prepare?) but on the other seems wise (how can we discuss whether or not to treat a pet if the details of the situation, especially prognosis, aren't known?) ... well, at least I've explained my stance, which is important to me. > Hm. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. Interesting, too, in > light of the long thread about the price for kitty. Hey, it helps, right? Sometimes you have to get support where you can find it. Sounds like, whether he means to be or not, your husband isn't providing the emotional support you need right now. At least he DID say "I'm glad he's feeling better." Not all people would have bothered to say that. Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca > Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past > 24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. Doesn't he think you're under enough stress? I had a relative like that, always made a bad situation worse. Tell your husband not to look at the bill as the cost of x-number of nights at the clinic, but to divide the bill by the number of days in the years of happy life the treatment will give Jasper and you. On that basis, the bill breaks down to only pennies a day! If you want to really shut him up, tell him he spends more on coffee and buttered rolls for the same period of time! Phil > If you want to really shut him up, tell > him he spends more on coffee and buttered rolls for the same period of time! heh. not to MENTION his effin CIGARETTES at 5 bucks per pack! :) Pam -WHO IS HOME WITH JASPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > > If you want to really shut him up, tell > > him he spends more on coffee and buttered rolls for the same period of time! > > heh. not to MENTION his effin CIGARETTES at 5 bucks per pack! Now that could bug me... > :) > Pam > -WHO IS HOME WITH JASPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Excellent! He continued to drink & eat and keep it down, & is generally acting better? What are your instructions, re: his care, from this point? Cathy >>> If you want to really shut him up, tell >>>him he spends more on coffee and buttered rolls for the same period of [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > Cathy Indeed he did. He has already had a sip to drink here at home and has used the litter box as well. His care at this point is to give him 4 pills a day (oy!)...2 antibiotics, pepcid, and his steroid. This fun job of pilling him should last for almost 2 weeks and then if all is well...we're done with treatment. He'll be on a special diet...I'll have to look at the can cuz I already forget wtf it's called...but it is a prescription Iams canned food. And I think that's about it. In his (literal) hissy fits, he did manage to break a claw as well as crack one of his fangs. It's hardly noticeable though. ;) He looks grand to me! Pam > >>> If you want to really shut him up, tell > >>>him he spends more on coffee and buttered rolls for the same period of [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > to look at the can cuz I already forget wtf it's called...but it is a > prescription Iams canned food. And I think that's about it. Great! Here's hoping his recuperation continues to go well. :-)) My cat Debbie - whom I mentioned earlier - was on a minimum of 4 meds/day, for 4+ - 5 years, for her liver disease. After a while it got pretty routine. And, it worked! ;-) > In his (literal) hissy fits, he did manage to break a claw as well as > crack one of his fangs. It's hardly noticeable though. ;) > > He looks grand to me! I bet he does! :-) Cathy > Pam > > If you want to really shut him up, tell > > him he spends more on coffee and buttered rolls for the same period of time! [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > Pam > -WHO IS HOME WITH JASPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea!! We need photos and a detailed report. You may have dinner first if you like. :) >>> If you want to really shut him up, tell >>>him he spends more on coffee and buttered rolls for the same period of [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > Yea!! We need photos and a detailed report. You may have dinner > first if you like. :) Heh, I dont think Jasper is quite ready for a photo shoot. Though I have already brushed him a bit! :) He is VERY vain you know. ;) Reports later. Pam > Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past > 24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. We had to take Jasper to the > Animal 911 yesterday because our vet is closed on Sundays. <snip> It could be that your husband is worried and feeling helpless, and he's showing his feelings by bitching about the money. He didn't say no, which some spouses might have. The times that I've had to take a cat to an emergency clinic and they were admitted, the actual cost was lower than the estimate. The estimate usually includes everything under the sun. Signature-Kelly kelly at farringtons dot net "Wake up, and smell the cat food" -TMBG Possibly your husband does feel helpless and maybe a bit left out of the decision making regarding Jasper? It's awful enough worrying about a poorly puss without worrying 'together' and being united over treatment and how to fund it. Time for a good sit down and a long chat maybe? Regarding the fees, it's the same in the UK. We come under what is known as the Working Time Directive. This Directive now dictates the rules over hours of work and particuarly for night workers. Consequently - ALL the vets in my town now subscribe to one night clinic which is miles away. Apart from the distance - not many people can get there if they have no transport of their own. Taxi drivers don't want a sick or injured animal in their cars - so some anmals are being left to suffer till the local practice opens. I know this to be true as when I was at the night clinic a couple of months ago with my cat at 0100 hours - a person rang up who had discovered her cat injured. When she was told there was a £70 night fee before they even looked at the cat she freaked out and said she would leave it till morning. If the place has to be staffed at night anyway - why charge the extra 'night' fee? I have no problem with paying for a service but the place is staffed up as an animal hospital anyway so it's not as though they are incurring extra costs. It's worrying enough how to pay for treatment - without 'extras' such as this. sarah > Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past > 24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. We had to take Jasper to [quoted text clipped - 49 lines] > > Pam I agree with you (of course, :-) ). I think you really have to factor in Jasper's mental discomfort. Some people seem to be more attuned to such things than others.................. SignatureJean B. > I agree with you (of course, :-) ). I think you really have to factor > in Jasper's mental discomfort. Some people seem to be more attuned to > such things than others.................. I absolutely agree and it makes me feel SO good that Jasper is sitting on my lap purring right this second. I could not care LESS about the money we spent. Pam > > I agree with you (of course, :-) ). I think you really have to factor > > in Jasper's mental discomfort. Some people seem to be more attuned to [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > I could not care LESS about the money we spent. There sure is something magical about a recovered cat's purr that takes the sting out of a big vet bill, isn't there? ;-) I'm thrilled by every update! Phil
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