I've posted here before about my cat Isabel (Bizzy) who very often wouldn't use
her litterbox. We moved in October and for some reason, she seemed very happy
here; she could go outside more often and the litterbox problem disappeared
overnight.

I had her for 12 years. She'd been with me through my divorce, unemployment,
marginal employment and other crises. We were both in a really good place now,
though.

She was a gentle creature; even played with my cockatiel and they were funny to
watch together (and I always watched them).

A few weeks ago, she started sneezing and rubbing her nose. Always very vocal,
her voice was weaker. Her lymph nodes were noticeably swollen.

Blood work and needle aspiration were not conclusive and she was put on
antibiotics, which didn't help. Her lymph nodes continue to grow.

She was scheduled for a biopsy last week but by that time was sleeping a lot,
hard to wake up, throwing up slightly more frequently. I'd known 2 weeks ago I
was going to lose her and I'm glad I had some time to spend with her. We spent
time outside, sat in a rocking chair a lot and she snuggled closer at night.

I called the doctor prior to the biopsy and discussed chemo, etc., but I didn't
think she'd live long enough to get the pathologist's report and decided the
best thing to do was let her go before she started to suffer.

The day leading up to this was horrible. I sat in my office and just cried and
cried all the way down to the vet's.

We stood at a window in the vet's office while they set things up and she
looked outside and was still interested in things going on. I held her while
the vet gave her the shot. She was there, and in the next instant, she was
gone.

Oddly enough, that moment put me at peace. And except for right now, I haven't
had to cry so much. I'd never had to put an animal down, put I knew I'd done
the right thing for her.

This day comes no matter what or how long an animal who shares your life lives.
It's the risk you take and it's so hard.

I went through this little tale here because if you've ever doubted that you
could put your animal to sleep, that it would be too hard, it really is the
kindest, gentlest thing you can do for them. Who wouldn't want to go that way.

I loved her.I owed her that.