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Cat Forum / Health and Behavior / June 2007Help with clingy, needy cat
This is also about my foster cat, Hushpad. Hushpad's previous owners were a mentally ill woman and her husband who was hardly ever home. There were a total of 7 cats in an apartment, which was in serious disrepair. The woman was being committed, so the cats were turned over to the rescue league. I'm used to working with semi-ferals and cats that don't trust people. Hushpad is totally the opposite, which is good in a way. However, she is so needy and clingy I'm starting to think this will be an obstacle to getting her adopted. She follows me everywhere, is constantly underfoot. Whenever I sit down, she's on me. She can't just sit on my lap, she has to rub herself all over my face and against my neck. Also, she drools when she does this. I can hardly read anything while sitting with her. She doesn't get the message when I set her down. I try holding her so she will settle down, and that works temporarily. I can't have her in the bathroom while I'm getting ready because she does her rubbing thing while I'm brushing my teeth, and that just doesn't work. Recently, she's starting meowing pitifully while I'm in the shower. Today, she got up on the bathtub ledge a couple times, and I seriously thought she was going to jump in. Given last night's scare (see thread Scary episode last night), I was thinking she's going to get in the shower and freak out, flailing all over the place. I pulled the curtain and gently nudged her off the ledge. So, how can I get Hushpad to not be so needy and clingy? Most people want an affectionate cat, but I think this might be too much. My cat Loki tends to be a little needy, but after brushing him off a couple times when I'm trying to do something, he gets the idea. My cats will rub up on me for a little bit, but not constantly. Hushpad will do this for like an hour straight if I let her.  Signature-Kelly kelly at farringtons dot net Check out www.snittens.com circa Mon, 14 Jun 2004 17:45:24 GMT, in rec.pets.cats.health+behav, KellyH (Kelly@whatever.com) said, > So, how can I get Hushpad to not be so needy and clingy? Most people want > an affectionate cat, but I think this might be too much. My cat Loki tends > to be a little needy, but after brushing him off a couple times when I'm > trying to do something, he gets the idea. My cats will rub up on me for a > little bit, but not constantly. Hushpad will do this for like an hour > straight if I let her. I suspect it might just be a matter of time. It sounds like she has been through a lot, and perhaps she's just feeling clingy out of insecurity. Once she's rehomed, she might chill out a bit over time. And some people might like the idea of having a clingy cat- even as clingy as Hushpad is. :-) Laura SignatureExperience is the name every one gives to their mistakes. -Oscar Wilde > circa Mon, 14 Jun 2004 17:45:24 GMT, in rec.pets.cats.health+behav, > KellyH (Kelly@whatever.com) said, [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > And some people might like the idea of having a clingy cat- even as > clingy as Hushpad is. :-) I'm going to second this. When I got Ming from the shelter, he was about as clingy as Hushpad. Not as constant as what you describe (he didn't actually follow me into the bathroom; he'd wait outside), but if he was awake, he was on me. Headbutts, purrs, rubbing, the whole routine. As he settled in, his bouts of neediness subsided. He's still affectionate, but not nearly as frantic about it as he was at first. Now, two months down the line he's much more secure and less of a pest. Katrina > Now, two months down the line he's much more secure and less of > a pest. Cheeks was like this at first--after being a little circumspect the first couple of days, no doubt deciding whether or not we were going to make a meal of her. To me, her affection came through as just plain gratitude. She hated being in the shelter, all crowded in with other cats sharing her bed and all over her. She stretched and stretched when we first let her out of the carrier. She is still very affectionate, although not always underfoot. It is hard for me to understand why people would complain about an affectionate pet. Usually the complaint is that cats are *not* affectionate. Why have a PET if you don't want to *pet* it? It might be better to leave the pets to those who enjoy them than to have a pet you don't want to touch. > Cheeks was like this at first--after being a little circumspect the first > couple of days, no doubt deciding whether or not we were going to make a [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > you don't want to *pet* it? It might be better to leave the pets to those > who enjoy them than to have a pet you don't want to touch. I am not complaining. The purpose of my post was to seek some help in assisting this cat to become a more well-adjusted cat, suitable for adoption by the general public. Being affectionate is one thing, but rubbing against your face while you attempt to perform a task, such as reading or brushing your teeth, is another. I can recognize that a potential adopter might not appreciate *that* level of affection. I was thinking along the same lines as some of you, that she may adjust her neediness once she is in a regular household. That was why I started letting her out of the room to spend some time in the rest of the house, but that backfired on me. She seems to be going through some redirected aggression, and I cannot trust her around my cats right now. Hushpad attacked Loki again today. I was letting them smell each other while holding the door open a crack. Everything looked good, no signs of aggression, so I opened the door. Loki went in the room and Hushpad was watching him. I kept an eagle eye on her, looking for ears going back, tail wagging, etc. Next thing I knew, she flew into a rage after him. She had him cornered. Luckily, I had a carrier in the room and Loki, who likes to go in carriers, got in as soon as I opened it. Signature-Kelly kelly at farringtons dot net Check out www.snittens.com circa Mon, 14 Jun 2004 19:27:18 GMT, in rec.pets.cats.health+behav, KellyH (Kelly@whatever.com) said, > I was thinking along the same lines as some of you, that she may adjust her > neediness once she is in a regular household. That was why I started [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > him cornered. Luckily, I had a carrier in the room and Loki, who likes to > go in carriers, got in as soon as I opened it. She may consider your foster room to be _her_ territory now. It might explain the attacks. Laura SignatureExperience is the name every one gives to their mistakes. -Oscar Wilde >She seems to be going through some redirected >aggression, and I cannot trust her around my cats right now. Hushpad >attacked Loki again today One thing I learned with my cats is that re introductions shouldn't be rushed or else you are back to square one again. I think a minimum of 24 hours of total separation is a good start. -mhd In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.health+behav", "KellyH" <Kelly@whatever.com> artfully composed this message within <news:q_mzc.41795$0y.32697@attbi_s03> on 14 Jun 2004: > I am not complaining. The purpose of my post was to seek some > help in assisting this cat to become a more well-adjusted cat, > suitable for adoption by the general public. My first thought reading your first post was that some people would really like this in a cat. My second thought is that given her history, she would probably prefer to be an only cat. She demands attention, and she gets upset with the others who she probably smells on you. SignatureCheryl > My first thought reading your first post was that some people would > really like this in a cat. My second thought is that given her > history, she would probably prefer to be an only cat. She demands > attention, and she gets upset with the others who she probably smells > on you. Unfortunately, I can't ask her previous owners if something like this ever happened. If she is prone to this type of redirected aggression, then you are right, she would be best as an only cat. *sigh* We have quite a number of only cats at the shelter, it's so hard to get them adopted. Signature-Kelly kelly at farringtons dot net Check out www.snittens.com circa Tue, 15 Jun 2004 00:30:57 GMT, in rec.pets.cats.health+behav, KellyH (Kelly@whatever.com) said, > > My first thought reading your first post was that some people would > > really like this in a cat. My second thought is that given her [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > are right, she would be best as an only cat. *sigh* We have quite a number > of only cats at the shelter, it's so hard to get them adopted. Keep in mind that she has been through a lot; given that she came from a home with seven cats in it, I'd say that might indicate that she can manage in a multi-cat household. Laura SignatureExperience is the name every one gives to their mistakes. -Oscar Wilde > Keep in mind that she has been through a lot; given that she came > from a home with seven cats in it, I'd say that might indicate that > she can manage in a multi-cat household. > > Laura I'm going to give it a couple days, see how she's doing, then maybe try interacting with the other cats again. I'll bring her downstairs so she doesn't feel like the cats are invading *her* territory. Signature-Kelly kelly at farringtons dot net Check out www.snittens.com In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.health+behav", Laura R. <UseFirstInitialPlusRobinson@technologist.com> artfully composed this message within <news:MPG.1b382dd31747363f98a9f5@news.verizon.net> on 14 Jun 2004: > Keep in mind that she has been through a lot; given that she > came from a home with seven cats in it, I'd say that might > indicate that she can manage in a multi-cat household. Just reading what she?s been through, and how she?s acting, the first thing that popped into my mind (after dealing with a cat like her, Bunny) was ?only cat?. I hope that isn?t the case, and I hope that she can learn to cope with the others. She?s been through so much already. The problem comes from how to integrate her without disrupting the entire household? Are there resources available to help her slowly integrate, since Kelly is obviously at her wits end? I remember how that was. I had Bunny (a gorgeous tiny dilute- calico foster cat, her only saving grace IMO, except that she was great with me - affectionate) and Rudy, who was a lovebug when I first started fostering him and he was adopted by someone who couldn?t control her grandkids and he turned into a mean cat and came back to my house when she didn?t want him anymore, terrorized everyone. I even had problems calming him down at times. Bunny literally freaked when she saw other cats; she was pregnant when she was put into the SPCA system and was aborted when she was spayed. Both of those cats ended up being cats that we deemed ?only cats? because they were just too much work to try to integrate with others. Sad story about Rudy: I got him back just as it was determined Bunny meant to be an only cat, Shadow was withdrawing, even Shamrock the easy-going, gets along with everyone cat, was terrified of both Bunny and Rudy. I ran out of room in my house to separate everyone and Shadow and Shamrock were forced to bond; it was ?us against them?, seriously. Shadow got sick and I am convinced it was stress, but who knows for sure? I was forced to send Rudy back to another fosterer who already had more cats than she could deal with and she had made arrangements with a local Petco to put some of the harder to adopt cats in cages in the store so they could be seen every day. Rudy got ?stolen? by a woman who was convinced he was her missing cat even though the dates didn?t match up. Everyone who talked to her said he was crazy. Well, she gained entrance to the cage room and walked out the door with him about a week after she caused a scene in the place. I can only hope that crazy people care for their cats, too. :) Iy yi yi. Fostering is stressful all around. SignatureCheryl > Just reading what she's been through, and how she's acting, the > first thing that popped into my mind (after dealing with a cat like [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > help her slowly integrate, since Kelly is obviously at her wits > end? <snip for space> > Fostering is stressful all around. Cheryl, I think you get what I'm dealing with here exactly. Yes, she came from a multi-cat household, but I have no idea how she acted in that house! Did she spend the whole time hiding? Was she terrorizing the other cats? I don't know, because her former owner is in an institution! Sometimes at the shelter we play it safe and label a cat as an "only" cat, even when we feel that under the right circumstances, with the exact right other cats, owners, the stars are in alignment, that the cat *could* be with other cats. We do this because we do not want to see this cat back at the shelter, and we do not want to cause this cat any more stress. I know you must feel like this too, Cheryl, but sometimes I feel that fostering places a strain on my cats, and almost like I'm using them as a cat social-experimentation lab. Like a Kitty Real World, and I'm constantly bringing in the headcase newcomer to stir things up. The foster cats usually stay in one room, but I do let them meet my cats, usually Loki is my first test case because he is very cat-friendly and is never aggressive. I go through all the stuff one is supposed to do when introducing cats, which I had done with Hushpad. I've had her for a month and never had the type of aggression like what happened last night and today. Anyway, I will give it a few days, and then try again. I need this to be resolved so she can go into the shelter eventually. Signature-Kelly kelly at farringtons dot net Check out www.snittens.com > My first thought reading your first post was that some >people would really like this in a cat. My second >thought is that given her history, she would probably >prefer to be an only cat. She demands attention, and >she gets upset with the others who she probably smells >on you. I love cats that are lovey like this. When I went to the shelter to adopt, I loved Cheeks and also a very friendly, high-energy tortoisehell girl. I discussed with the shelter owner the fact that Cheeks would have a floor to herself and the run of the house with another cat who lived on the bottom level and was used to being the only cat, but that Cheeks would mostly be with me. She recommended Cheeky because the other cat loved to be among cats, whereas "the other day Cheeky had the strangest look on her face, and when I went to investigate Bob was in her donut bed with her. She kind of likes her own space, and might want to be more of an only cat." This is one of the great things about shelters that hold on to and observe the cats for a while. It has worked out great. > I am not complaining. The purpose of my post was to seek some help in assisting this cat to become a more well-adjusted cat, suitable for adoption by the general public. Sorry, I missed this. > I was thinking along the same lines as some of you, that she may adjust her neediness once she is in a regular household. That was why I started letting her out of the room to spend some time in the rest of the house, but that backfired on me. Kelly, thanks for what you're doing. I admire you so much for it. I could never foster because I know I would become too attached. I have no problem becoming the Cat Lady with 20 cats one day, but I have to unload my two-cats-is-enough husband first. (And find a cat that can pay half the bills!) circa Tue, 15 Jun 2004 00:58:58 GMT, in rec.pets.cats.health+behav, Mary (rosefan@email.com) said, > I have no problem > becoming the Cat Lady with 20 cats one day, That's why I'm so cautious about getting another one or two since losing Alex; I don't want to end up with twenty of 'em. :-) Laura SignatureExperience is the name every one gives to their mistakes. -Oscar Wilde >That's why I'm so cautious about getting another one or two since >losing Alex; I don't want to end up with twenty of 'em. :-) > >Laura I have a self-imposed limit of 4. I never deliberately get a cat. They just happen. I know other people can have 6, 8, more cats. Four for me just seems to be the number I can clean up after, take care of and afford the right kind of vet care. Any more and it seems to fall apart. Sort of like cat critical mass. Sherry circa 15 Jun 2004 10:02:54 GMT, in rec.pets.cats.health+behav, Sherry (sriddles@aol.comkitty) said, > >That's why I'm so cautious about getting another one or two since > >losing Alex; I don't want to end up with twenty of 'em. :-) [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > be the number I can clean up after, take care of and afford the right kind of > vet care. Any more and it seems to fall apart. Sort of like cat critical mass. I know exactly what you mean. I would like to get another cat (bringing me back to four) because Camille was so attached to Alex that I'd like for her to have a companion again. Oscar is *so* attached to Jacob that Camille kind of ends up being the odd man out. However, I have noticed lately that she has started to just kind of interject herself into their little mutual grooming sessions, so maybe she's adjusting. I'd still like for her to have a sweetie of her own, though. Laura SignatureExperience is the name every one gives to their mistakes. -Oscar Wilde > I am not complaining. The purpose of my post was to seek some help in > assisting this cat to become a more well-adjusted cat, suitable for adoption > by the general public. Being affectionate is one thing, but rubbing against > your face while you attempt to perform a task, such as reading or brushing > your teeth, is another. I can recognize that a potential adopter might not > appreciate *that* level of affection. I think you have a real concern there. At the vet/shelter where I adopted my cats, they had a really affectionate, gorgeous "counter cat" who "helped" the receptionist, greeted people and enjoyed being petted by everyone that came up to the counter. She was one of the cats up for adoption. It took all of about ten seconds to see what kind of personality the cat had. On one of my visits, I saw a woman dressed really well who was holding and petting her; I remarked what a snugglebunny the cat was and the woman told me that she was adopting her. I came in a month or so later and there was the cat on the receptionists' desk. I asked her what had happened and she told me kind of through gritted teeth that the woman adopted the cat then brought her back 2 weeks later because the cat was too "needy". Just based on my impression of this woman, I had an idea that she probably wanted to adopt an "ornament" that would look good posed with the furniture and when she got a pet that wanted to actually interact with her, she was dissatisfied. The cat has fortunately been adopted for good now. People who work with shelters must really have to restrain themselves at times to keep from strangling some of the people they come into contact with. Anyway, I hope things work out for Hushpad. Maybe some of the clinginess is just due to insecurity and she'll tone down. There are also probably some people who would like that degree of affection. My only concrete suggestion would be to see if Feliway has any effect since it seems to give some cats a greater sense of security. circa 15 Jun 2004 11:47:02 -0700, in rec.pets.cats.health+behav, CajunPrincess (CajunPrincess@mail2world.com) said, > People who work with shelters must really have to restrain themselves > at times to keep from strangling some of the people they come into > contact with. Amen. I know I wouldn't be able to do it. > Anyway, I hope things work out for Hushpad. Maybe some of the > clinginess is just due to insecurity and she'll tone down. There are > also probably some people who would like that degree of affection. There are many who really would, I think. :-) Laura SignatureExperience is the name every one gives to their mistakes. -Oscar Wilde I adopted NellyBelle last year after looking at a number of posts at penfinder.com. Supposedly, her former "owner" (this woman was no guardian..just an arse) wrote to the sponsor that if this cat wasn't picked up in the next week, she'd dump the (declawed) cat in the street. NellyBelle will show affection at the drop of a hat. You sneeze, she''ll rub against you, you pet her as she's sleeping, she'll jump up and pace up and down under your hand (you don't even have to move to pet her, she'll pet herself..lol). This cat paces up & down thousands of times a day...She probably was named for Nervous Nellie. I love her to pieces...she might have been too intense for a non-cat lover! The stupid fool's loss is my gain. > Nellie. I love her to pieces...she might have been too > intense for a non-cat lover! The stupid fool's loss is my >gain. It sure doesn't get much better than to love and be loved back. :-) I'm with you. > > circa Mon, 14 Jun 2004 17:45:24 GMT, in rec.pets.cats.health+behav, > > KellyH (Kelly@whatever.com) said, [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > first. Now, two months down the line he's much more secure and less of > a pest. That sounds like Midnight, the former stray I took in. He isn't quite as clingy, but as soon as I sit down he's on my lap purring & kneading. He loves to lay at my feet when I'm working and he often sleeps with me most nights. Signaturemike3k <at> suespammers <dot> org You can blow out a candle, but you can't blow out a fire. Once the flame begins to catch, the wind will blow it higher. - Peter Gabriel, "Biko" Well I don't believe that the cat will stop being needy. Because I have a cat that I've had since he was a baby and I can't stop him from constantly needing my attention. If theres another cat around hes usually alot better. But since my bro moved out with his cat, he is just up my but. Hes always been needy but lately hes just way too needy. And if I don't give him attention, he finds something to get into. So if u find a way, let me know. lol. Thanks. >This is also about my foster cat, Hushpad. > [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] >little bit, but not constantly. Hushpad will do this for like an hour >straight if I let her. |
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