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Cat Forum / Health and Behavior / March 2008Euthanasia - The Second-Guessing
I'm curious as to whether any of you pet owners who thought you knew it was "the right time" to euthanize your pet agonizingly second- guessed yourself afterwards. Two weeks ago today, my 12-year-old cat, Kelson, was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. Two weeks prior to that, I had been noticing that he had been having trouble jumping up on the bed, his favourite place to sleep - instead of one giant leap, he had to put his front paws on the bed, then jump up, and that when he hunched over to eat, his rear right leg slipped out to the side. Two weeks later, when he was cuddled up to me on his back while I was reading a book, I felt a baseball-sized lump on the inside of his upper leg while petting him. A year ago he had constipation, one symptom of which was a large lump in his tummy near his rear (the constipation), so I had been since feeling his belly once in a while to check for lumps. I believe I would have noticed such a large lump in his leg, so it happened very fast - from nothing, to baseball-sized in approximately two weeks. Two days after I discovered the lump, he was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. To my surprise, Kelson had gone from 18.3 pounds to 15.5 over the past year. He was a big cat - not just overweight, but long and tall, and I had not noticed this weight loss. The vet said that given his age and breathing problems, he likely would not survive an amputation surgery, and recommended that I euthanize Kelson before I'd even left the office. "What a quack!" I thought, and hurried my cat out of there. The next week, Kelson was still fine - still eating, still loving his treats - so I decided to make an appointment to see an oncologist. This week I took off on vacation to spend some time with him. I noticed that he was spending more time under the bed, and realized that he likely could no longer jump onto the bed. Yesterday - Thursday - he took a turn for the worse. He was in obvious pain and couldn't walk anymore; when he tried, he would attempt to hobble along on three legs while holding his bad leg in the air. The tumor had grown. He couldn't get comfortable, and when he'd try to change positions, he couldn't stand up. It was heartbreaking to watch. I tried petting him, and he yowled when I touched his bad leg. The thing was, he was still loving his treats, still lapping up the milk that he loved so much that I put before him. But I'd done my research and knew this was a very aggressive type of cancer, there was no cure, and that I was not going to put him through the agony of an amputation surgery. I took him to an emergency clinic and had him euthanized. Now, all I can think is, did I do it too soon? After I got home, I researched euthansia for hours, crying my eyes out. One thing that struck me was that a lot of Web sites giving criteria for when you know it's time mention, "Is your pet having more bad days than good days?" Wait. You mean, maybe this was just a bad day, and he'd be better by the next day? Also, a lot of sites and/or pet owner accounts say the pet had stopped eating, or didn't enjoy the things they used to. Kelson did. He was still eating, still loving his treats, he just . . . couldn't move, couldn't stand. It broke my heart watching him try to get up, clutching the couch cushions with his claws, and trying to gather the momentum to stand. He'd give up, lie back down, and look at me with such sad eyes. As well, other stories I've read about osteosarcoma indicate that the pet lived for six months or so after diagnosis. Not 13 days. Is the progression of this cancer really that fast? From nothing, to a baseball-sized lump, to being unable to walk in less than four weeks? Now I'm thinking, maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I should have asked for painkillers. The fact that the vet at the emergency clinic agreed with my decision doesn't make me feel better. I haven't been able to stop crying. It's terrible enough to be the one responsible for deciding to put your pet down, but the second-guessing is much, much worse. How do you deal with that? Thank you. Kelson's Mom P.S. My apologies for such a long post. Writing is very cathartic for me. > I took him to an emergency clinic and had him euthanized. Now, all I > can think is, did I do it too soon? NO, you did not. By the time a cat actually shows that it is in pain, it is in' a LOT of pain. They are programmed not to show pain, maybe because predators look for weakened animals? Jill, I waited too long and will never forgive myself for it. I was in denial, could not see how emaciated my 20 year old cat was. I did see the look in her eyes as I wrapped her up in towels and held her like a baby, and fed her water and baby food by dribbling them into her mouth with a turkey baster. She was asking me to let her go. By the time I had the vet come to euthanize her, she was incontinent and so upset. I will never forgive myself for allowing her to suffer. You did a kind thing for your baby. I am sorry you had to lose him, but glad he had your very kind love and care. My heart hurts for you. I once read on this newsgroup "better a little too soon than a little too late" with regard to euthanasia. I agree with this. I had my 17 year old cat with fibrosarcoma euthanized and she was still eating. She had lost weight, however, and the tumor on her leg was getting larger and larger. I did not want to wait until she was in pain and had to bring her in on an emergency basis (probably in the middle of the night or on a weekend). I chose to euthanize her at that point. Gail > I'm curious as to whether any of you pet owners who thought you knew > it was "the right time" to euthanize your pet agonizingly second- [quoted text clipped - 76 lines] > P.S. My apologies for such a long post. Writing is very cathartic for > me. Don't second guess yourself....it will drive you crazy. I think you did the right thing. We had a dog that developed a tumor in his mouth. How he continued to eat was beyond me but he did and with gusto. About a month later, he had a stroke or something and was unable to walk. But he still loved to eat. We made the decision to let him go....he was about 16 years old at the time and we weren't going to put him through a bunch of tests or treatments. It was hard to let him go but we know it was the right decision. Quality of life is what matters.... I'm sorry for the loss of your cat. It is never easy. I hope that the memories of all the joy he brought you helps you during this difficult time. S.  Signature**Visit me and my cats at http://www.island-cats.com/ ** --- > I'm curious as to whether any of you pet owners who thought you knew > it was "the right time" to euthanize your pet agonizingly second- [quoted text clipped - 76 lines] > P.S. My apologies for such a long post. Writing is very cathartic for > me. I would just like to say how very sorry for your loss. So very sorry. It is hard to lose a pet but you did the right thing. > Don't second guess yourself....it will drive you crazy. I think you did the > right thing. We had a dog that developed a tumor in his mouth. How he [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > I'm sorry for the loss of your cat. It is never easy. I hope that the > memories of all the joy he brought you helps you during this difficult time. A couple of years ago I lost all three cats in the household. The first to go was the youngest, Cosimo at 9 years old. He was losing weight and when I brought him in he had kidney and liver failure, arthritis, and a laundry list of other issues. Decided to euthanize at that point. Next was Emily at 14. We noticed that our little cat started getting a little thin and so brought her into the vet. She was put on steroids, fluids, etc. We brought her home and had to pill her daily which wasn't pleasant. I could tell she wasn't responding well and one morning about two weeks later I woke up and Keyron was telling me that Emily was dead. I checked, heart rate was 50BPM and she wasn't very responsive. She died in Keyron's arms on the way to the vet. That was an episode, I tore that vets office apart. Last was my first cat, Randy at 18 years old. With him as soon as I saw him thinning out and getting sluggish I knew it was time and euthanized. > I'm curious as to whether any of you pet owners who thought you knew > it was "the right time" to euthanize your pet agonizingly second- [quoted text clipped - 76 lines] > P.S. My apologies for such a long post. Writing is very cathartic for > me. Don't try to second-guess yourself (although it is a lot easier to say that than to do it). You did the right thing. Cats are stoic and are well known to hide pain. So, a cat that shows pain is probably in a *lot* of pain and may have been suffering for a long time. You took steps to alleviate that pain, and you gave Kelson the final gift of love by making that most difficult of all decisions. MaryL > But I'd done my >research and knew this was a very aggressive type of cancer, there was [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] >I took him to an emergency clinic and had him euthanized. Now, all I >can think is, did I do it too soon? No, you did what was best for your cat with the best of intentions. His behavior had already told you that the time had come to let him go in peace & not to allow any further suffering. Don't second-guess yourself because whatever you might have done as a 'treatment' plan would not have changed the outcome, but instead would have been awful to watch as Kelson further deteriorated. I also waited far too long with my beloved orange cat Ginger who'd been rescued 16 years earlier from a research center. He suffered with thyroid & chronic renal failure for probably 4 years & with medication, fluids, forced feedings, I was able to keep him going long after he should have been euthanized. I still remember his sad eyes looking at me whenever I'd give him his pills, or syringe down some food. Once I finally asked myself the question "who are you really doing this for?", I made the arrangements to put him to sleep & stayed with him till the end. When I put together an album of pictures of all my cats last summer & put the album up on webshots, the reality of Ginger's last year(s) became explicit. There's an awful last picture of him about a month before the end, gaunt, sad & I won't remove it because it's a reminder to me to never again prolong a pet's life unnecessarily. You gave him love throughout his life & a painless end. It's a difficult role we play with our pets, but it comes with ownership. M. "mariib via CatKB.com" <wrote Thank you for a true and honest tale and being willing to tell it. All of us make mistakes. When my cat 'Face' (she just had one of those faces and the name stuck) died at 14, her life long buddy Roscoe missed her something fierce and went to join her about a month later. I had taken him to the vet as he'd stopped eating much but was still drinking water. The vet said he was comfortable at the time but he would not last long and to bring him in if he seemed to suffer any pain. He had a heart condition and it quietly stopped one night in his sleep. He was just under age 14, and due to being a pet farm breeding failure (failure to thrive syndrome, weak heart etc) was not expected to live to his 5th birthday but he instead had a happy gentle long run. When Face died, I just 'knew' Roscoe would not be long behind her. "neithskye" <jill_bookerGREENEGGSANDSPAM@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:ab6d7921-64c3-4c3a-b971- > snip > This week I took off on vacation to spend some time with him. I > noticed that he was spending more time under the bed, and realized [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > change positions, he couldn't stand up. It was heartbreaking to watch. > I tried petting him, and he yowled when I touched his bad leg. ------- The situation you describe above was unequivocal. There was nothing more you could have done. Of the three animals I've had to euthanize in the past three years (one dog and two cats), I either did it at the right time or waited too long. I don't think I have ever done it too soon (although with Molly, I second-guessed myself for months). If I have learned any lesson from each experience is that each time, it's better to do it a little sooner rather than later (relative to the previous time). In the situation with Alvin, the dog, he was still walking around, but he wasn't responding to us (he might have had a stroke), was barely eating, and his legs kept giving out from under him (he was 15 years old). I brought him back home from the vet rather than euthanizing him right away. That was a mistake. He got much worse overnight, and then we were watching the clock, waiting for the office to open in the morning, so we could have him euthanized. Molly, the first cat had chronic renal failure. She was still using the litter box and walking around, but it had gotten to the point where she was wobbly on her feet, couldn't jump up very well (I was afraid she was going to fall and break a leg), was barely eating, and was drooling profusely. I decided the time had come, so I made the appointment. That morning, she had a "good" day and came upstairs and ate something and jumped up on the bed for a nice nap, but this was an aberration, as overall, she was so very sick. The vet showed me the lab values in the office. They were so abnormal that the vet couldn't believe Molly was still alive. Nevertheless, I still felt guilty about Molly for months. Alex, whom we euthanized two weeks ago, was curled up in a little ball sleeping 23 hours a day, barely eating (he actually lost 2 pounds in three months), not grooming at all. Sometimes, he had a good day where he would be a little perkier and a little hungrier, but the bad days outweighed the good. He had been deteriorating slowly for a few months, but had taken a turn for the worse in the previous several weeks. I kept thinking the problem was due to his chronic medical conditions and his old age (he was 17). I hadn't taken him to the vet for a checkup in a couple of months because there wasn't much she could do for him anyway. He had chronic renal failure and cardiac hypertrophy with a gallop in his heart, and he was already taking a number of medications. He seemed dehydrated, and I thought that maybe subcu fluids might perk him up. At that point, the vet told me that this was not old age, but some disease, in all likelihood cancer. She said his behavior indicated that he had pain. Two weeks ago I posted on this forum that I thought I had euthanized him at the right time, but if I had it to do again, I would have euthanized him a few weeks sooner. As the vet explained to me with Molly (as I was expressing my guilt): A cat is not a person and doesn't understand that he/she has two weeks left or three weeks left. The cat is not thinking that you are cutting his/her life short. The reluctance to euthanize (when the time comes) is really all about the person, the love, the guilt, the emotions, and not about the cat at all. The cat really doesn't know the difference. From what you described above, your cat was having a lot of pain. It's not as if there was a treatment that could have made him all better. If you had waited, he just would have had more pain. By euthanizing when you did, you did the kindest, most loving thing you could have done for him, even though it was so painful for you. Please don't second guess yourself. There was nothing else you could have done. Hugs and purrs, ---Cindy S. >I'm curious as to whether any of you pet owners who thought you knew >it was "the right time" to euthanize your pet agonizingly second- >guessed yourself afterwards. We all agonize over whether we waited too long or did it too soon. And just as soon as the furballs learn to talk we can discuss it with them. Until then, we do the best we can, as you did. On Mar 14, 6:11 pm, neithskye <jill_bookerGREENEGGSANDS...@hotmail.com> wrote: <edited> I want to thank everyone who replied to my thread. Your thoughts and good wishes have helped and eased my mind a great deal. This was my first experience with having to euthanize a pet. I had two cats - Kelson, and Gozar, both of whom I got when I was 25. Gozar died a year ago March 31. He had no symptoms - he just went to sleep and never woke up. He was only 10. I'm still not really sure what happened. With Kelson, what gave me misgivings was how quickly his cancer happened. Like I said, from nothing, to a huge lump, to the inability to walk in less than 4 weeks. I didn't know this could happen that quickly, so I had misgivings that I'd given up too soon. That, and the fact that he seemed to be written off as "too old". Twelve is around 65 in human years. That's hardly "too old", but perhaps being 12 to a cat is different than being 65 to a person. Strangely, even though I'd taken a week off to spend time with him (still thinking I had a few months left), I found it very hard to be around him. I still spoiled him rotten, feeding him all the treats he wanted, etc., even though I was crying in his fur while doing so. I live alone, and boy is it hard not having my furry companion around. Once again, thank you for the replies. They have helped. On Mar 14, 6:11 pm, neithskye <jill_bookerGREENEGGSANDS...@hotmail.com> wrote: <edited> I want to thank everyone who replied to my thread. Your thoughts and good wishes have helped and eased my mind a great deal. This was my first experience with having to euthanize a pet. I had two cats - Kelson, and Gozar, both of whom I got when I was 25. Gozar died a year ago March 31. He had no symptoms - he just went to sleep and never woke up. He was only 10. I'm still not really sure what happened. With Kelson, what gave me misgivings was how quickly his cancer happened. Like I said, from nothing, to a huge lump, to the inability to walk in less than 4 weeks. I didn't know this could happen that quickly, so I had misgivings that I'd given up too soon. That, and the fact that he seemed to be written off as "too old". Twelve is around 65 in human years. That's hardly "too old", but perhaps being 12 to a cat is different than being 65 to a person. Strangely, even though I'd taken a week off to spend time with him (still thinking I had a few months left), I found it very hard to be around him. I still spoiled him rotten, feeding him all the treats he wanted, etc., even though I was crying in his fur while doing so. I live alone, and boy is it hard not having my furry companion around. Once again, thank you for the replies. They have helped. I am sorry I did not reply to you your post hit a little to close to home. I had to put my beloved Spirit to sleep less than 2 months ago due to respiratory failure. All I can tell you is time heal all wounds I am sorry for your loss. It is never easy... Sue On Mar 14, 6:11 pm, neithskye <jill_bookerGREENEGGSANDS...@hotmail.com> wrote: <edited> I want to thank everyone who replied to my thread. Your thoughts and good wishes have helped and eased my mind a great deal. This was my first experience with having to euthanize a pet. I had two cats - Kelson, and Gozar, both of whom I got when I was 25. Gozar died a year ago March 31. He had no symptoms - he just went to sleep and never woke up. He was only 10. I'm still not really sure what happened. With Kelson, what gave me misgivings was how quickly his cancer happened. Like I said, from nothing, to a huge lump, to the inability to walk in less than 4 weeks. I didn't know this could happen that quickly, so I had misgivings that I'd given up too soon. That, and the fact that he seemed to be written off as "too old". Twelve is around 65 in human years. That's hardly "too old", but perhaps being 12 to a cat is different than being 65 to a person. Strangely, even though I'd taken a week off to spend time with him (still thinking I had a few months left), I found it very hard to be around him. I still spoiled him rotten, feeding him all the treats he wanted, etc., even though I was crying in his fur while doing so. I live alone, and boy is it hard not having my furry companion around. Once again, thank you for the replies. They have helped. >I live alone, and boy is it hard not having my furry companion around. >Once again, thank you for the replies. They have helped. We understand. We will morn silently with you for this loss. Later, once you have grieved a bit, may I suggest you make a visit to the local animal shelters of your area? I won't know what they are but there are both kill and no-kill facilities. There, you will find many homeless pets, who are looking for a home. It's too soon *now* (need to grieve a little). However when the time comes, here's a run-down on the types of facilities to expect in general. At a kill facility, they are in little cages. They may be grouped. Little will be known about the animal but adoption is usually fairly easy with very little cost. Animal will normally have been 'neutered/spayed' and all shots given before you claim them. (it may not be done at all until a person selects them to save money, as that lets them keep more pets for a little longer hoping to find them homes). At a no-kill facility, they will have all shots, normally be neutered/spayed, and often living with a 'foster mom' but they may also spend some time at various 'show places' (such as my local petsmart) hoping to expose them to find them a home. You can normally google up local web pages for your area to see a little 'blog' on the animals they have. Since they are often living with a foster family, you can get a fairly good picture of how they interact with others, and how they will integrate into your lifestyle. The process is normally to go to the foster family and meet the pet, then a house check is often done (not checking to see if you swept in the corners, but to warn you if there is anything you may want to change if you havent had that style of pet before. Like we didnt notice the firewood needed to be restacked as it's old position was a perfect running ramp to get over the fence!). They cost a little more IMHO, but you can do a much finer job of suiting temperments and lifestyle. In both facilities, 'only cats' (ones that are used to being the only one or dont integrate well with other cats so may be by itself in a cage while others are grouped) are 'hard to place' but this wouldnt be a concern for you. Here's one other advantage. I once placed a cat (an only cat sort) who was 7 years old, with a couple. They, like you, had lost their cat. Their health was declining and they suspected they would not live long enough for a kitten, so deliberately wanted an older cat. I have no idea of your age or circumstances, but I mention it if it is a concern. The older the pet, the harder they are to place. Often these older pets were well loved 'children' of and elderly person who died, and they either had no family to take them, or the family they did have, declined. So, when you have given yourself time to grieve, these points later may be handy for you. On Mar 14, 3:11 pm, neithskye <jill_bookerGREENEGGSANDS...@hotmail.com> wrote: > I'm curious as to whether any of you pet owners who thought you knew > it was "the right time" to euthanize your pet agonizingly second- > guessed yourself afterwards. Yes, I have second-guessed myself every time I've had to have it done (6 times). I think it's natural. And I agree, "better a little too soon than a little too late." The second-guessing, as well as the extreme grief you feel, will diminish and go away with time. You loved your kitty, you did the best thing for him, you didn't want him to suffer, and you gave him the last loving gift you could. He would be grateful to you. I think the second-guessing proves your love. We understand the gravity of being able to make such a choice and do not take it lightly. My sincere condolences. I hope your kitty will send another kitty in need your way when the time is right. Candace
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