I tried to send this via email, but my note replying to you bounced, so I'm
going to post it here (but I won't post the contents of your email without
your permission).

BTW, as I said in my post, I have no problem with letting the entire world
see what I have to say to any one person - I don't go behind people's backs
to say things about them that I'm afraid to say to their face.

And also BTW, you may ask people here on the group (or on the anecdotes
group) what they think about me - I won't respond to them with rancor under
this particular flag of truce, but I can't say it doesn't bother me that
people are willing to say nasty things about me via email but are too afraid
to post it here.

Anyway, here's my note copied and pasted from my "Sent" folder.  The only
thing I added is in [()] and that only because after reading this I
regretted how harsh I sounded about Phil, because I really do like him.
But, in fairness, if I'm going to blast someone else about writing about
people behind their backs, I should be woman enough to stand up and face the
consequences it if I'm guilty of the same thing.  I regret it's harshness,
but don't deny the truth of it.  My email to you.....

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm so sorry you feel that way. I truly am sitting here with tears in my
eyes because I *had* counted you a friend. I sincerely apologized for going
off on you that once and I thought you had forgiven me. As to the interplay
with Phil - I tried to ignore what he was saying about you rather than
coming to your defense because of Phil, not because of how I felt about you
or whether or not I thought you were telling the truth (I do - that's why I
posted video of kittens attacking children out of the blue, which, look at
the video, they clearly do).

As a long-time poster on rpch+b, I've seen what Phil is like when he gets a
bug up his @$$ about something or someone. He will keep posting flames until
his dying breath - all peppered with LOLs and sarcasm - and he gets nastier
with each post. If you do or say something he doesn't like, and he comments
about it, the best thing to do is ignore him because you'll *NEVER* get him
to change his mind. *THAT'S* why I don't dispute him about *ANYTHING*, not
just you, but anything - he is like a pit bull with a rope, he'll never let
it go - he will never let an argument die and I just don't have the energy
right now to argue with him.  [(All of that is not to say that I dislike him
or ignore his advice - I have nothing but respect for him and his knowledge,
but I won't ever get in a flame war with him.  And, ironically, his very
determination and stubbornness is what makes him such a good advocate of
cats, domestic and feral.)]

I don't know, at this point, how I can convince you of this, but I *DO* care
about you and your family as well as Gabby - my impression of you was of a
bright, concerned mother and brand-new cat slave. I am so, so sorry that
you've come to dislike me, because I really enjoyed corresponding with you.
Not to use it as an excuse, but this whole time of year is really difficult
for me and maybe I wrote something bitchy? If so, I profusely apologize, I
didn't mean to insult you.

As to the people who wrote to you off-line, I could probably tell you who
they are (they're all known for going behind people's back via email and
saying nasty things while either not posting on the group at all, or posting
sweet notes to the person they just skewered in the back). One of those
emailers was Megan - and we had a problem because she called my cell phone
and left a message that consisted of screaming obscenities (that's when she
quit posting to the group - I'm, by far, not the only one who had a problem
with her). What happened is something just like this - she wrote me
something (*unsolicited*) that was really, really nasty about someone else
on the group and I called her out about it, when she started flaming me and
called me a liar, I posted what she had written to me (which is what
prompted her phone call).

Yes, I've had flame wars in the past about things I've cared deeply about -
people letting cats roam freely in areas of traffic or wild animals, things
like that make me crazy and I will go off on somebody before taking a breath
and hitting the delete key. But some people like the maneuvering and
dishonesty - they get their kicks from playing people like puppets, saying
one thing in public and then saying nasty things in email. My position is
that if you have something to say, say it in public so the person you're
defaming can have a chance to refute what you say. Talking behind someone's
back is always suspect with me. As far as I'm concerned, if I say something
about someone it will be the truth and you can post it anywhere you'd like
because it *is* the truth and I'll stand by my words. Unfortunately, not
everybody feels that way.

Anyway, this note probably didn't change your mind, and that really makes me
sad, but there's not a whole heck of a lot I can do about it. I will miss
corresponding with you, but if you feel you can't trust me, at least let me
thank you for being woman enough to let me know why instead of just ignoring
my posts.