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Cat Forum / Health and Behavior / November 2007One cat is scared, the other ignores us.
Hi, We have two cats and while one ignores us unless he wants attention, the other freezes up. She is fine when it is just me and will play and sit in my lap, but the second my kids come home, she hides. When we find her, she goes limp and hides her head. The kids have never hurt her, but she just seems to be afraid. We have had her a few months and they love her so much, but wonder why she acts like this. Cindy Breninger www.adayinthelifeofcindy.blogspot.com > Hi, > We have two cats and while one ignores us unless he wants attention, [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > Cindy Breninger > www.adayinthelifeofcindy.blogspot.com Give her some time and put some thought into making your place more friendly to her. Stop hunting her down and let her come to you, for starters. > Hi, > We have two cats and while one ignores us unless he wants attention, [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > Cindy Breninger > www.adayinthelifeofcindy.blogspot.com Are you sure the kids have never hurt or taunted or played rough with her? Are your kids young? Sometimes they don't realize that cats are not dogs. Sorry but it sounds like your kid are not as nice as you think. Sounds like the second kid has someway hurt, or abused the furball and is on going. You many not like to hear that but if it is true and it is the other kid some help hurting small animal is a sure sign of worse things to come. > Hi, > We have two cats and while one ignores us unless he wants attention, [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > Cindy Breninger > www.adayinthelifeofcindy.blogspot.com > Sorry but it sounds like your kid are not as nice as you think. Sounds like > the second kid has someway hurt, or abused the furball and is on going. [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > - Show quoted text - Wow, I have never HUNTED HER DOWN and no, my kids have never hurt her. My son once rescued a moth because it had a broken wing. They even have crickets as pets as they can't stand that people feed them to other animals so he wants to save the crickets. Are you guys serious??? She is just scared and was when we first got her. Jeeze, I don't think I want to be on here after being called an animal abuser or my kids. Do you people even have kids? To accuse someone of that is pretty crappy. We don't hunt her down or hurt her and never have. Wow. Personally it makes me sick you guys would accuse us of ever hurting an animal. I came for advice on how to make her feel more comfortable and now you think I hunt her down and the kids abuse her. That is BS. Cindy > Wow, I have never HUNTED HER DOWN and no, my kids have never hurt her. > My son once rescued a moth because it had a broken wing. They even [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > That is BS. > Cindy Most of us have had kids and all of us have had cats. So I guess we're just a.sholes. Nevertheless, your cat is acting like she is less than comfortable with you and there is a reason. You are not doing everything you can to put her at ease, at the very least. "CindyBreninger" <ski4cindy@yahoo.com> <snipped Sometimes the truth hurts deal with it. I also said if it is true and sounds like.The Op asked if you were sure. What you described is how I called it. If the shoes fits deal with the problems if not than it was a possibility. IT happens when children live in a home with animals. But Mommy and Daddy never want to believe it. DO we live in your house?. DO we know you personally?. DO we have a video or seen the cat do what you described. You posted your comments and from what I read I said what could be a problem. OPs asked the same thing about your kids. Lets see the second the kids come home she hides. Ok that happens with loud kids. . We find her she goes limp and hides her head. That means someone else is with you more in likely the kids. Sounds like a problem to me that is not a normal reaction for a cat . Since their is no voice behind the words. How do you think people who have done rescue work will take it what you wrote. Or are we supposed to be mind readers. You ask why the behavior was happening not how to help deal with it. Please don't let the doorknob hit you where the god lord split ya if you don't want opinions when you post. > "CindyBreninger" <ski4cindy@yahoo.com> > <snipped [quoted text clipped - 29 lines] > Please don't let the doorknob hit you where the god lord split > ya if you don't want opinions when you post. None of this was fair to Cindy. No, we don't have a crystal ball into her world, but seriously, some cats just don't like kids regardless of how they are treated. We don't know the ages of her kids. I think it is very unfair of you to immediately jump to the conclusion that her cat is abused and she should be worried about one of her kids growing up to abuse animals or worse. Cindy, some cats just don't like kids. Some cats bond to one person, and in your case this could be you. That said, how old are your kids? Are they supervised around the pets?  SignatureCheryl "Cheryl" <jlhshadow@NOSPAMhotmail.com> Didn't jump to anything. I said it sounds like and if it is true than there is a problem in my first post. Just others said about the kids ask if she was sure. You are right some cats never like kids. But from what I read and my experiences I went with my gut reaction. It might be wrong but none of us are there to make sure. Something in the way she described the problem raised the hair on the back of my neck. > Didn't jump to anything. I said it sounds like and if it is > true than there is a problem in my first post. Just others said [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > sure. Something in the way she described the problem raised the > hair on the back of my neck. Your responses are very hard to decipher, so to me, and obviously to Cindy, it was clear you were saying her kids were abusive. SignatureCheryl >> Didn't jump to anything. I said it sounds like and if it is >> true than there is a problem in my first post. Just others said [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > Your responses are very hard to decipher, so to me, and obviously > to Cindy, it was clear you were saying her kids were abusive. Words are words without the voice behind them misinterpretations happens > Words are words without the voice behind them misinterpretations > happens Which is why when you only have words, it is important to have clarity, and be succinct. And, use punctuation. You have good responses most of the time; it would just be better if we didn't have to sit for several minutes to try to figure out WTF you just "said". You're retired now, right? Maybe take a writing course? I know I need one. My spelling sucks. SignatureCheryl >> Words are words without the voice behind them misinterpretations >> happens [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > "said". You're retired now, right? Maybe take a writing course? I > know I need one. My spelling sucks. LOL I did apologize in another of my post. Not all the way yet. The stores still have not passed hands yet soon probably by the new year. Personally never cared to make sure the i's were dotted and the t's crossed unless it was business. Maybe I aught to do it a little more I need to keep in practice since I am in redneck country. It did cause a stir a couple weeks ago between us. Ps everyone's spelling sucks with out spellchecker half of everyone's post would look like first graders > > "CindyBreninger" <ski4ci...@yahoo.com> > > <snipped [quoted text clipped - 47 lines] > > - Show quoted text - Thank you Cheryl. My daughter is 7 and my son is 9. They have always loved animals and like I said, my son even rescued a moth! :) He loves them. We also have a tortoise, a stick bug, and a hampster. They are in school most of the day and when we come home, they do homework, have dinner and then can play for a little bit. They are nice kids. Thanks again! :) Cindy > Thank you Cheryl. My daughter is 7 and my son is 9. They have > always loved animals and like I said, my son even rescued a > moth! :) He loves them. We also have a tortoise, a stick bug, > and a hampster. They are in school most of the day and when we > come home, they do homework, have dinner and then can play for a > little bit. They are nice kids. Thanks again! :) Cindy You might want to limit her time with them until she comes out of her shell. You haven't had her long, and something in her history could be causing red flags to be raised when kids are present. You don't indicate her age, the age of the other cat (did you get them both at the same time?) and if they were from a shelter or a breeder or if they were raised together or just adopted/bought together. More info please! :)) SignatureCheryl > > Thank you Cheryl. My daughter is 7 and my son is 9. They have > > always loved animals and like I said, my son even rescued a [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > -- > Cheryl The cats are a brother and sister, two years old. They lived in a college dorm and who knows what could have happened. They are indoor cats and litterbox trained. They are mellow and nice cats, just scared. They always have been. I was just wondering if anyone had ideas on how to make them feel more comfortable. Should I buy cat treats? Get them a new cat house? Right now they sleep with the kids at night and the boy cat crawls up with my son and the girl with my daughter. At night, they both purr and seem happy. Somehow they both end up on my bed in the morning. But, during the day, they will hide and the girl cat acts scared. Other times, she is fine. It is weird. > The cats are a brother and sister, two years old. They lived in > a college dorm and who knows what could have happened. They are [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > morning. But, during the day, they will hide and the girl cat > acts scared. Other times, she is fine. It is weird. Not wierd at all! :) I have a former feral and she is as scared as can be. Most of the time. Been here 4 years, but she came from the outside and had to fend for herself before coming here. To this day, I can't pick her up. She seeks out affection on her own terms, but probably will never be a lap cat. She freaks out when two hands come toward her, but is fine when its just one. She sleeps on my bed, but is hesitant to jump on the couch to sit next to me. She will sit at my feet and allow my feet to pet her more than allow my hands to pet her. Cats are quirky. They both obviously trust your kids if they will sleep with them. Maybe encourage them to sit on the floor and play gently with cat toys with them? Like the toys with feathers on sticks. The cats are young, so they'd probably love to chase feathers. I'd encourage the kids to stay low, offer some treats (if the cats are not overweight) and maybe teach a game of fetch. Yes, cats can learn fetch games! After some time, I'd imagine that both cats will be more comfortable with the kids, though don't expect it to happen overnight. And be prepared for setbacks. But it sounds like they will be fine. SignatureCheryl > > The cats are a brother and sister, two years old. They lived in > > a college dorm and who knows what could have happened. They are [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] > -- > Cheryl Thanks! I think somehow I started off on the wrong foot here. This is a good group and very interesting...do over? hehe Ok, that's what my kids say when we just want to start over. I think it might apply here. :) > Thanks! I think somehow I started off on the wrong foot here. > This is a good group and very interesting...do over? hehe Ok, > that's what my kids say when we just want to start over. I > think it might apply here. :) Do overs are good! :) Best of luck with your kitties. They're lucky to have you. I don't think many in your position would take much notice, or even try to fix it. I read some of your blog. SignatureCheryl > > Thanks! I think somehow I started off on the wrong foot here. > > This is a good group and very interesting...do over? hehe Ok, [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > -- > Cheryl I hope you liked it! :) On Sun 21 Oct 2007 09:18:39p, CindyBreninger wrote in rec.pets.cats.health+behav <news:1193015919.021288.299170 @q3g2000prf.googlegroups.com>: > I hope you liked it! :) I always like getting insight on people. :) One other thing about helping your kids acclimate with the cats, let your kids know that the cats are nervous and with their help, they could get better. But that if they don't, no one "failed". Cats are cats, and they are inheritantly unpredictable and untrusting until they have been given proof that trust is deserved. I think this trait is one reason people sometimes give up on a cat. That they don't become a cuddly little house pet immediately. SignatureCheryl > "CindyBreninger" <ski4ci...@yahoo.com> > <snipped [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > Please don't let the doorknob hit you where the god lord split ya if you > don't want opinions when you post. I do want opinions, just not to be attacked and called an animal abuser. If anything, I would never hurt an animal. We just got her and I thought maybe something was wrong and I was worried about her. You guys keep attacking me. I would never treat anyone as rudely as you guys have treated me. She is a new cat, no one has hurt her. If my kids did, they would get in a lot of trouble. They aren't really loud as we live in an apartment and have neighbors so we try to be respectful of them. They don't run or yell in the apartment, they go outside to play. I would never be so rude to any of you if you were asking my advice on how to help an animal. The cat was like that at the place where we got her and I just wanted a few suggestions on how to help her, not be attacked for asking for help. When we got her, it was from a college dorm where there were several people and they said she was the same way. Geeze, talk about making someone feel like crap for asking for help. I won't make that mistake again. I am amazed. If you own children or friends had the same question and wanted to help their cat, would attack them the way you attacked me and call them an animal abuser? It was unnecessary and rude. I don't know how you feel, but that is very insulting and I would never hurt an animal. I was just looking for a way to help a cat that I thought needed help. I thought that was what this group was for-TO ASK CAT QUESTIONS AND GET EDUCATED ANSWERS. I didn't know it was to be rude to those who were seeking information. By the way, the cat is sitting on my daughter's lap right now and is purring. Some days she does go limp, but not all the time. She is happy and they are sitting on the couch together. You don't know me or my kids so the truth does not hurt as it is not the truth. Please don't reply if you are going to insult or attack me. We are good people, we love our cats, and try to be nice to people. I was just looking for a way to help her. Sorry I asked... >> "CindyBreninger" <ski4ci...@yahoo.com> >> <snipped [quoted text clipped - 36 lines] > abuser. If anything, I would never hurt an animal. We just got her > and I thought maybe something was wrong and I was worried about her. Something is wrong that reaction is not a usually reaction from a cat even when it is scared. > You guys keep attacking me. I would never treat anyone as rudely as > you guys have treated me. You have not been attacked. You are letting your emotions be read into what is wrote. No where in the post do you see the words you are a animal abuser or you are hurting your cat. The words could be and sound like are not accusations they are opinions and possibilities. She is a new cat, no one has hurt her. If > my kids did, they would get in a lot of trouble. They aren't really > loud as we live in an apartment and have neighbors so we try to be > respectful of them. They don't run or yell in the apartment, they go > outside to play. I would never be so rude to any of you if you were > asking my advice on how to help an animal. I am going to ask this question not puttingthe blame anywhere but Are you sure? Kids are kids it happens they will be loud. If they have not jump to the next response The cat was like that at > the place where we got her and I just wanted a few suggestions on how > to help her, not be attacked for asking for help. When we got her, it > was from a college dorm where there were several people and they said > she was the same way. Can you call these people and ask if she had a trama or maybe someone did something bad as in loud noises, maybe scaring the bejesus out of the cat even by accident. When you introduced the cat to the household how did you do it? Also during the introduction how did she respond? Geeze, talk about making someone feel like crap > for asking for help. I won't make that mistake again. I am amazed. > If you own children or friends had the same question and wanted to > help their cat, would attack them the way you attacked me and call > them an animal abuser? It was unnecessary and rude. I don't know how > you feel, but that is very insulting and I would never hurt an animal. Yes If children were involved they would be suspect but this is a hypothetical question for none of us are in your situation. Again you weren't attacked only opinions made. Take this from lets say my point. Maybe you can understand. I understand your point. I will offer an apology about it to a point. Kids are involved all parents become defensive when it coems to their children. But here it is the cat is fine with you the second the kids come home. She hids. We find her she goes limp and hides her head. In all the work I have done I have only seen this in abuse cases. The cat just gives up is not a normal reaction. Somewhere along the line something happend to the furball to make them have a reaction like this. > I was just looking for a way to help a cat that I thought needed help. > I thought that was what this group was for-TO ASK CAT QUESTIONS AND [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > but not all the time. She is happy and they are sitting on the couch > together. Does she leave when you do? Goes limp when she is being petted or being picked up by the children? You don't know me or my kids so the truth does not hurt as > it is not the truth. Never said it was Please don't reply if you are going to insult or > attack me. We are good people, we love our cats, and try to be nice to > people. I was just looking for a way to help her. Sorry I asked... We will try to help but be ready for peoples opinions this is the www. To relax the cat you can try feliway. It is available at any pet store, online or at your vets. It can reduce any stress your cat is under. Second buy treats for the cat have your children give the furball the treats it will help the furball relax around them. Maybe have your kids switch off between them feeding the furball. Let her get used to them and associate them with the social order of the household >>Sorry but it sounds like your kid are not as nice as you think. Sounds like >>the second kid has someway hurt, or abused the furball and is on going. [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > That is BS. > Cindy You came here for advice, not reassurement. We don;t know anything about you or your kids. In most cases like you describe, something has been done to make the cat shy away. > >>Sorry but it sounds like your kid are not as nice as you think. Sounds like > >>the second kid has someway hurt, or abused the furball and is on going. [quoted text clipped - 36 lines] > > - Show quoted text - Yes, I did come for advice, but was not given advice, just assumptions or accusations...you can read the past posts. But, things turned around and I was given some suggestions and advice. :) I don't know what happened to the cats before they came to live with us and no way to contact the people, I can only hope to give them a good life. Anyway, I will keep you guys updated and see if things change. They really are nice cats and we love them a lot. My daughter even named hers Daisy May Roses Princess PIggy. (She loves pigs so that is a compliment) We call her Daisy May for short. She said her cat was so cute it needed more than one name for all its cuteness! Cindy Hi Cindy, One quick line. If one is having a problem integrating....... go out of your way to IGNORE it. Put its food down etc as normal, but dont pressure it. This way I have quickly gained a strong bond with older (10+) cats. They will wonder why you aren't paying them attention and want to get near to you basically to find out what YOU are about. Then the love can blossom. If they are getting a little TOO much attention (from people they dont FULLY trust) it un-nerves them. Ignore the other people with the hate. Life is too short to worry about those sort. Tim. > Hi Cindy, > One quick line. [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > Life is too short to worry about those sort. > Tim. Hi, I will try that. It is just strange as during the day, they act weird, but when we go to bed, they climb up into bed with the kids and they are fine. Funny little cats. :) Cindy Hi! I'm involved in rescue work and also capturing, spaying / neutering feral cats. I also have two 5 month old fearful kittens that I just adopted. I can tell you that I've seen adopted fearful / feral cats that will go completely limp sometimes for no known reason. Cats are like people, they can have all of the quirks that people do. One of my kittens becomes completely terriifed of me after I exercise....as scaried as a cat can get....hissing, urinating, freezing, howling, curling up in a ball kind of scared. However, once I take a shower she's fine, doesn't like the smell of me or something. In a nutshell, going limp doesn't mean abuse has happened, however it is on the checklist for possible causes. This could just be a quirk in your cat's behavior. > > Hi Cindy, > > One quick line. [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > they are fine. Funny little cats. :) > Cindy On Nov 7, 4:28 am, darkmatter...@gmail.com wrote: > Hi! I'm involved in rescue work and also capturing, spaying / > neutering feral cats. I also have two 5 month old fearful kittens [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > they are fine. Funny little cats. :) > > Cindy Oh my, just let cats be cats is all I can say here. Your cats are healthy and not doing anything destructive. Cats all have their own personalities. If they are sleeping with you and the kids, they can't be really afraid of you. It think it takes about a year for a cat to really feel at home. I have a nice friend with a cat that absolutely flees from visitors to her apartment. For no reason. So dont worry so much. > Hi, > We have two cats and while one ignores us unless he wants attention, [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > Cindy Breninger > www.adayinthelifeofcindy.blogspot.com Neither reaction is unusual. How long have you had the cats? Cats usually need a slow, careful introduction - and even then some cats never "warm up" to people. I have a *gorgeous* pure white, long-haired cat that we rescued when she was 6 weeks old. We know she has never been abused or even spoken to loudly (there's just me and my husband in our household and we both love cats). She is now 9 years old, and she *still* runs and hides whenever we go near her. We have 5 cats altogether. Demi, described above; Jessie, a *very* independent, sassy short-hair tortoiseshell girl cat who hangs on my husband constantly and follows him from room to room like a puppy; Sammy, a gorgeous Maine Coon-like long-hair girl cat, who is friendly and stays in whatever room I'm in, but doesn't like to be picked up; and two orange-stripey boy cats, 5 months old, who are the terror of our household. All that to say that every cat is different, and the only "constant" thing about cats is that no two are ever alike personality-wise. My advice would be to take it slowly, ask your children not to stare directly at the cats (they take that as a "challenge" and will be frightened away), sit in the same room without focusing on the cats and speak softly. Entice them with treats and toys. And most of all, just be patient. Hugs, CatNipped
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