Thank goodness for that.
You know, maybe you should get a job in homicide as the intervewing
detective.. Your damned good @ this & I'm sure that you would clear
out the crime rate in 3months..every damned case too

That's OK, I understand.
I can see why you questioned me..

I got over caring about what other people think of me a loooong time
ago.
Think about it? I was illeterate & a mother too.
Those two things don't mix very well!

OTOH, It does matter what your freind's think about you, doesn't it?
It matters because you care about them.

Well, she might flame your a.s, don't say I didn't warn you

Thats OK too..LOL

Initially I didn't feel guilty for breeding cats at all.
In fact it was my life ambition, my dream if you like.
There were plenty of good times, & there were some bad ones too. No
one enjoys dealing with dead kitty situations, do they?
I had one kitten that I hand reared for six whole weeks, then suddenly
he died in a matter of a few minutes. That was shocking & it hurt...

You felt bad before you came here?

No, not even slightly.
I lulled myself into beleiveing that I was doing my bit for all of
community kitties, then I was helping out @ the cat protection, & the
local shelter too..so you can see how I reached that false sense of
security, can't you?

It was after I came here looking for help with Tiggy, my Birman tabby
with the ring worm problem.
& I sat back & started reading...
Funny (not lol, more curious), really, cuz it was you that started the
chain of events to be honest.
I flamed your a.s good and proper, & I couldn't beleive it when
everyone went<ahhemm>,
"It's not that we agree" ....

"It's more that we think your in the wrong".

"perhaps you would fit in better somewhere else".

Hell, you have no idea how that shocked me, Seriously..!!!
That made me start thinking, I mean SERIOUSLY THINKING....
I who art holier than though, I think would be the best way to
describe it...
So being the stubborn a.s that I am, I started to do a bit more
reading and a little less commenting..& I suddenly started to see a
pattern emerging...Cats get killed cuz no one wants them??????

I was utterly shocked, we/ I must live in a very sheltered world over
here cuz they don't do that @ my shelter, & they certainly don't do it
@ the cat protection league unless the cat is in dire trouble anyway..
Then the photos started rolling, & the comments too.. & it made me
realise that what I am doing is WRONG, however much I dress it up.
I didn't enjoy facing it, or dealing with it.
I invested quite a bit of money in my breeding stock, & I wasn't sure
if I really wanted to give it up either..There was so much to
consider, & it wasn't an easy decision to make.
I hate admitting that I am wrong, but if I am, then I do....
So you see, there were lots of things to think about..
No It didn't pay very well, you can't ever go away because the cats
don't turn off whilst you spend 2 weeks in Spain, When it's cold you
still have to go out there and make sure that the pussy cats are fine,
& the vet bills are humongus sometimes & when your sick, no one else
can deal with the cats, you have to- I had the kids feelings to
consider too..
So It was a well thought decision & when i saw the photo that Phil
posted, It made me cry..  I don't mind admitting it!!

No need the answer is here...

Well, I hope that this helps you. I'm no hero, I make huge mistakes, &
my mouth is four foot in front of my brain,
(so my sweet mother told me,lol!!)

*I just want to be happy with me*
You can try & fool others, but you can't fool yourself, & who wants to
live a lie anyway?

Wow too..I don't think I could do that though.

I am trying to stick with the original plan, because in my mind, it is
achievable & it is not insurmountable either.

I am certainly going to try. I have until September to prepare for it.
By prepare, I mean get myself psyched up for it confidence wise (It is
a big thing for me when you consider I have never taken anyt exam in
my life other thasn my driving test...)

I'm

Not very well to start with;o(

You never spoke a truer statement there!
It took us two years to get him walking again, then the Doctors
discovered that he had something else wrong, called Degenerative
spinal stenosis ..
Just when we thought things were getting back to near normal, he had a
heart attack, 3 in total, but now he is over them & had a tripe by
pass done. Straight after that, he went & fell over & did another two
vertibrea & ended up in a wheel chair.
I think that anyone who goes through that, you have to feel for.
Again, OTOH..It was hard for the kids and I as well. It was certainly
no picnic in the park!
We just *had to adapt*
Currently he is 1/2 & 1/2. The heart is much better, but he doesn't
get around anymore, It is 80% in a wheel chair..It's not the end of
the world, but it can be depressing at times.
You just have to be possitive

I have never stopped Bear. I do Thursdays at the shelter.
What ever they need me to do, but mainly sh*t shovleling, emptying cat
litters, feeding the cats,holding and shaking money collection boxes
in front of people, guided tours, talking to adopting new parents
about the cat they would like, & a lot of reading upon the cats too.
(so that I can tell them a little about their new cat).
I am fairly certain it is exactly what I want.
We were talking about this last night actually.

If I am going to work for them, I would like to help in an are that  I
do have a bit of experience in , which is pregnant mothers, & litters
of kittens..even hand rears if they really need me to & they want me
to of course!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a foot note, I have taken Lilly in to the vets this morning, & she
is having a full panel of bloods done, being observed & I have signed
the consent form to spay her if they feel that it would be best done
today.

Her anal sacks are secreeting a nasty mess  with some blood in it..I
must be feeling overly emotional because I cried when I left her
there;I dont't usually cry, but It hurt leaving her there today. I do
have to admit that she is my baby.
I think you understand, don't you?