That is not Barry Sheelagh  that is the resident a@@hole racist troll.  Only
reason I say him was when you replied I was trying to figure it out

                                            IBen Getiner

Is there something mentally wrong with you?

M=Man [JC], S=Shopkeeper [MP], G=Harry [GC]

A PET SHOP SOMEWHERE NEAR MELTON MOWBRAY

M Good morning, I'd like to buy a cat.
S Certainly sir. I've got a lovely terrier. [indicates a box on the
counter]
M no, I want a cat really.
S [taking box off counter and then putting it back on counter as if it
is a
different box] Oh yeah, how about that?
M [looking in box] No, that's the terrier.
S Well, it's as near as dammit.
M Well what do you mean? I want a cat.
S Listen, tell you what. I'll file its legs down a bit, take its snout
out,
stick a few wires through its cheeks. There you are, a lovely pussy
cat.
M Its not a proper cat.
S What do you mean?
M Well it wouldn't miaow.
S Well it would howl a bit.
M No, no, no, no. Er, have you got a parrot?
S No, I'm afraid not actually guv, we're fresh out of parrots. I'll
tell you
what though ... I'll lop its back legs off, make good, strip the fur,
stick a
couple of wings on and staple on a beak of your own choice. [taking
small box
and rattling it] No problem. Lovely parrot.
M how long would that take?
S Oh, let me see ... er, stripping the fur off, no legs ... [calling]
Harry
... can you do a parrot job on this terrier straight away?
H [off-screen] No, I'm still putting a tuck in the Airedale, and then I
got
the frogs to let out.
S Friday?
M No I need it for tomorrow. It's a present.
S Oh dear, it's a long job. You see parrot conversion ... Tell you what
though, for free, terriers make lovely fish. I mean I could do that
for you
straight away. Legs off, fins on, stick a little pipe through the back
of
its neck so it can breathe, bit of gold paint, make good ...
M You'd need a very big tank.
S It's a great conversation piece.
M Yes, all right, all right ... but, er, only if I can watch.