Sweetie,

You adopted a pair of under-socialized kittens. The shelter was
careless in not talking about this clearly with you and figuring out a)
if you wanted to take this on and b) if you had or needed to learn some
skills to work with them. But that's water under the bridge.

Here's the good news: They will be fine, eventually. Most
under-socialized kittens grow up into loving adult cats. But these guys
are 5 months old and it is going to take them some time to unlearn the
behavior they have already learned.

So here's some advice: first - calm down. Cats channel human anxiety
very clearly and they can tell that the house is tense, people are
worried and upset and you and your boyfriend aren't pleased with them.
It isn't the cats fault that they had the life they had, and if it took
five months to get this way, it's probably going to take 5 months to
change it. Tell boyfriend thats the time-line and to lay off until the
cats have been given a fair chance.

So here's the first thing you do: Ignore the cats for a while. Pretend
they're invisible. Cats really like to be invisible, especially when
they're adjusting to a bog change. Instead of chasing them around the
house - try just putting food down, changing the box and otherwise
pretending that they aren't there for three days. Just let them watch
the activities of the house with no attention directed towards them.
Then spend another three days talking to them, but not trying to touch
them. Say hello, chat with them about your day, sing a song, but don't
pet or try to carry them. Let them feel like they can observe you and
try to figure you out without being attacked - as well as explore their
new territory. For the next three days, take one time each day to
approach them with a wand toy (a feather or a toy mouse on a stick).
See if you can engage them in a little chasing of the toy. End each
brief session with a few quick pets. Keep it to that level until they
start to apprach you (and they will). If you see them sleeping in
particular spots, out down a soft cloth there. Pick up some treats
(palatable ones like Temptations) and give them a few.

As they see that you want to do nice things for them and not overwhelm
them, they will start to want affection and game time with you. Just be
disciplined at the beginning and
don't stress and it will work out fine - probably in just a month or
two.

Good luck!

the kitties and their brothers and sisters were brought to the vet when they
were 3 months old. the mother was never found so they don't know how long
they'd been on their own but they were completely feral when they were
brought in.  then they spent 2 month in a cage at the vet. I spoke to the
nice people at the vet and they said that the siblings of these guys are NOT
adjusting well and they don't  know what they are going to do with them.  I
think you guys are right that we need patience and that they will eventually
come around. But i'm not sure that we have that kind of patience-- to be
honest.  and it's hard for me to believe that they won't be skittish. we
don't want skittish cats that hide when people come over.  I guess I'm
looking for someone to tell me it's OK to take them back to the vet and let
them find them a better home than we can provide. sorry to be  such a bummer
and thank you very much for listening to my problems.