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Cat Forum / Health and Behavior / April 2004"Widowed" cat will not stop crying
Hi, Until 2 months ago, I had 2 wonderful older cats. The 15 year old male was finally put down when his cancer was too much for both of us. My 17 year old spayed female cat, who has been left behind, now howls deep gutteral meows on and off all day and night. I thought after a few months it would improve, but it has not. I go to find her and she will be sitting on the edge of the counter howling with all of her might. I will pick her up and cuddle or take her back to bed, and she will purr and be fine, but within an hour, she will be at it again. I know she has been traumatized by losing her friend, but I just don't know what else to do to console her. Does anyone have any suggestions? Love and treats just doesn't seem to be working and I have no interest in bringing another cat into the house as a replacement. It is obvious she is miserable, and I hate to see my sweetheart in so much pain. Thanks in advance to all responders - I am at a loss. > ...but I just don't > know what else to do to console her. Sure you do, but you don't want to do it. I understand. I "had no interest" in adopting another cat when my cat died at age 20--until two months had passed. Maybe everyone has their own inner time table for this sort of thing. Maybe you will never want another cat, but I hope not. You know there are so many kittens and adults who need you, and while no cat can replace your sweet boy, one might come to be your heart's delight just the same. Your kitty is lonely for her lost companion. He will never be replaced for her either, but another cat who needs a home could at least distract her. When you are ready, if you ever are, please consider opening your broken heart to another kitty. It helped mine to heal. Don't want a kitten due to the hassle of training one? Get a young adult that has been socialized at a no-kill shelter, if they have one in your area. Sweetest, best behaved, most grateful cats ever. >Sure you do, but you don't want to do it. I understand. I "had no >interest" in adopting another cat when my cat died at age 20--until [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] >no-kill shelter, if they have one in your area. Sweetest, best >behaved, most grateful cats ever. Not so fast. I can't say I agree with you at all. The cat is 17 years old, no spring chicken, so a kitten may be way to rambunctious for her. As far as an older one is concerned, you seem to come from it at the point of view of the new cat "socialized." What about the sensitivities of the resident cat. This is her home for many years and I am sure she has her territory all staked out. Are you sure she will accept a transgressor in her territory. Are you sure the adjustment period wouldn't be too streesful for her? I understand the thought behind it, and if she were much younger I would readily agree. > Not so fast. I can't say I agree with you at all. Whoa! NO? NO?!!! Well, guess what, Gov, in a free and open discussion that is .... just fine. :') > The cat is 17 years old, no > spring chicken, so a kitten may be way to rambunctious for her. Since you read this group, you know that reports about introducing a new cat vary. Some have more success with a kitten because it is less threatening, some with a full-grown cat for the reasons you state. Which is why I also offered the suggestion of an older cat. >As far as an > older one is concerned, you seem to come from it at the point of view of the > new cat "socialized." What about the sensitivities of the resident cat. This > is her home for many years and I am sure she has her territory all staked out. > Are you sure she will accept a transgressor in her territory. Are you sure the > adjustment period wouldn't be too streesful for her? Okay, now go back and try reading my reply again. Notice all the sensitive talk about "timing?" Hmmm? And why would you assume that I am "sure" about anything concerning a cat I don't know? What I do know is that I and many others have had cats that grieved for their lost buds, and I, and many others, have introduced new cats which seemed to help. I did it (as I said in my post, reading comprehension, man!) when my 20-year-old died, and my 16-year-old did just fine. They are best buds now. Remember, her cat is accustomed to having another cat around. Which is my reason for making the suggestion. > I understand the thought behind it, and if she were much younger I would > readily agree. Trust the OP to know what is right for her cat and what is or is not working out. Only she knows why she "has no interest" in offering a home to another cat, but the way it sounds like she loves her current and past cat, I would bet it is grief and not wanting to seem to try to "replace" the irreplaceable boy. However, there may be other reasons, and she may not be open to adopting another cat at all. My advice was offered because it worked for my older, grieving, lonely girl. All we know is our experiences. I take it you have been in the OP's position and had a new cat upset your older surviving cat so much you could not keep it, eh? >Whoa! NO? NO?!!! Well, guess what, Gov, in a free and open discussion >that is .... just fine. :') Your reaction is a bit hysterical. So, I said I disagreed and gave my reasons why. Why are you getting all bent out of shape. Sure, the pet owner knows what's best, I just thought it might be worthwhile that she hear another opinion about it. I didn't put your's or anyone elses opinion down, I just offered an alternative one. Relax. > >Whoa! NO? NO?!!! Well, guess what, Gov, in a free and open discussion > >that is .... just fine. :') > > Your reaction is a bit hysterical. Is that why I was smiling? > So, I said I disagreed and gave my reasons > why. Why are you getting all bent out of shape. Gov, darling, I actually put a SMILEY there. Bent out of shape? Um, not quite. I thought your reaction was pretty extreme "Not so fast!" when there wasn't anything I said that four other people also said. Just suggestions. Mild suggestions. With lots of alternatives like, wait a while, maybe a kitten, maybe a grown cat, maybe you just really won't WANT another cat. So wtf are you on about? Sure, the pet owner knows > what's best, I just thought it might be worthwhile that she hear another > opinion about it. I didn't put your's or anyone elses opinion down, I just > offered an alternative one. Relax. I am relaxed. Honestly. I guess tone is the first thing to go with this medium. >I am relaxed. Honestly. I guess tone is the first thing to go with >this medium. I'm relaxed, and apologetic. I didn't quite catch the smiley. > My 17 year old spayed female cat, who > has been left behind, now howls deep [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > miserable, and I hate to see my > sweetheart in so much pain. You should take your cat to the vet and have some bloodwork done, especially to check for thyroid function. With any cat, but especially one that is as old as yours, it is important to rule out a health issue first before assuming it is behavioral. Cats with hyperthyroidism, which occurs almost exclusively in cats that are 10 or older, exhibit symptoms such as howling and excessive vocalization. The fact that this occurred soon after she lost her friend may only be a coincidence and unrelated. Megan  Signature"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke Learn The TRUTH About Declawing http://www.stopdeclaw.com Zuzu's Cats Photo Album: http://www.PictureTrail.com/zuzu22 "Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way." - W.H. Murray I agree. Have her see a vet to rule out hyperthyroidism. Gail > > My 17 year old spayed female cat, who > > has been left behind, now howls deep [quoted text clipped - 48 lines] > > - W.H. Murray > Hi, > [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > > Thanks in advance to all responders - I am at a loss. Have her checked by a vet for health issues. Then go to a shelter and find an "unadoptible" senior cat that would otherwise be euthanized. People want kittens and these older cats who have so much love to give are often at shelters for months, deteriorating the whole time, simply because they are "old". Sadly, it sorta correlates with how our culture treats older humans as well. > Hi, > [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > have no interest in bringing another cat into the house as a > replacement. Unfortunately, that is the one thing that will likely work... providing another companion. > It is obvious she is miserable, and I hate to see my > sweetheart in so much pain. > > Thanks in advance to all responders - I am at a loss. Signature"Its the bugs that keep it running." -Joe Canuck Thank you all for your input. I took her in for a checkup not long ago when she had a stroke, and we found that she does have mild kidney failure, so she is on a special diet. I don't recall that they tested her thyroid -excellent help -I appreciate it and will have that done. I will have more cats one day, I am a great kitty mom and have had over a dozen in my life, but this little girl is truly too old and fragile for me to put her through that. When she has finished her long life with me, I will start again with some sweethearts. I have no problem adopting any age cat, all need love. > I will have more cats one day, I am a great kitty mom and have had > over a dozen in my life, but this little girl is truly too old and > fragile for me to put her through that. So Gov't Lawyer's instincts were right. I'm really glad you will eventually adopt more cats, and I hope you find a way to comfort your fragile old girl. > When she has finished her > long life with me, I will start again with some sweethearts. I have > no problem adopting any age cat, all need love. I hope she recovers from her grief and that the two of you have a long, peaceful, healthy time together. >I will have more cats one day, I am a great kitty mom and have had >over a dozen in my life, but this little girl is truly too old and >fragile for me to put her through that. When she has finished her >long life with me, I will start again with some sweethearts. I have >no problem adopting any age cat, all need love. She is lucky to have you with her in her time of grief, illness and old age. I'm sure you'll appreciate an even closer relationship now. When my Patsy died, Maxie was 16 1/2. I live in a real small apartment so i didn't feel to good about introducing a new cat for the reasons I outlined earlier. It seems that for the next year, until Maxie died of kidney failure or something like it, we became even closer than ever before. I waited 11 more months to get another cat. Not out of any particular timetable, irt just worked out that way. Then I got my Mickey and Daisy, brother and sister kittens. You're a really loving and caring cat owner, and you should be commended. Enjoy your life with your companion. >I took her in for a checkup not long ago >when she had a stroke, and we found that >she does have mild kidney failure, so she >is on a special diet. I don't recall that they >tested her thyroid -excellent help -I >appreciate it and will have that done. Please also make sure to have your cats blood pressure checked, *especially* since you mentioned she had a stroke. Not all vets have a BP monitor, and if your vet doesn't it is extremely important considering the circumstances that you find one that does and have her BP checked. A cat with hyperthyroid and/or kidney failure will often have high blood pressure as well, which doesn't show symptoms until the cat goes blind or dies. High blood pressure can happen as a result of hyperthyroid. Controlling the thyroid will usually bring the blood pressure down, but if the high BP is related to kidney disease (also common) there is a medication called Norvasc that will control it. Megan Signature"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke Learn The TRUTH About Declawing http://www.stopdeclaw.com Zuzu's Cats Photo Album: http://www.PictureTrail.com/zuzu22 "Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way." - W.H. Murray >Controlling the thyroid will usually bring the blood >pressure down, but if the high BP is related to kidney disease (also >common) there is a medication called Norvasc that will control it. > >Megan They give norvasc to cats, no joke? That's a very common med for humans with high blood pressure/cardiac problems also. Sherry >They give norvasc to cats, no joke? >That's a very common med for humans >with high blood pressure/cardiac problems >also. I believe there are one or two other drugs that have been used to treat high BP in cats, but the research I've done and vet opinions I've heard point to Norvasc as being by far the most effective and the drug of choice for cats. I've known several cats that have been put on this drug and it worked beautifully. Megan Signature"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke Learn The TRUTH About Declawing http://www.stopdeclaw.com Zuzu's Cats Photo Album: http://www.PictureTrail.com/zuzu22 "Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way." - W.H. Murray > Thank you all for your input. > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > long life with me, I will start again with some sweethearts. I have > no problem adopting any age cat, all need love. I have a 14 year old female with cardiomyopathy. She's in fair health, but getting old and crotchety, and I felt much the same as you do about subjecting her to other cats at her age and condition, for most of her life. About a year ago, through a series of bizarre events, a young male kitten came to live with us, and it was as I feared -- he was driving her insane with his attentions. We managed as best we could for a few months, then, through ANOTHER series of bizarre events, a young female came to live with us, and the problem was solved. The two youngsters play with eachother, and old grinchy watches them in peace from her throne. This situation works so well that I have decided I will always have three (indoor, as opposed to the ferals I look after outdoors) cats. It's the perfect number. Perhaps you could adopt a pair that would provide entertainement for your old girl, and they would be there for you, and eachother, when she passes on -- Lotte | About a year ago, through a series of bizarre events, a young male | kitten came to live with us [...] then, through ANOTHER series of | bizarre events, a young female came to live with us [...] Heh. All of my cats were "unplanned" too: the first adopted me, and the others came as (indirect) consequences of my work with ferals. | [...] I have decided I will always have three (indoor, as opposed | to the ferals I look after outdoors) cats. It's the perfect number. I don't think there is a perfect number. When I had one cat (Scruffy), getting another seemed like the right thing to do. But the second cat (Sally) was not a companion - she was a "forced socialization" case, a feral without a colony. Eventually I adopted her out to the person who had originally wanted to take her. The next one wasn't a cat, but a kitten (Phoenix). If we had done our work properly and caught his mother early enough, he would never have happened, but as usual things didn't go according to plan. We all but killed him as a baby, and then left him too long in the streets. We "owed" him. I took him, even though a kitten was probably the worst choice for Scruffy who was by then confirmed to have CRF. It worked well though, loner cat and loner kitten. But then, it was clear that I needed another cat closer to Phoenix in age. I had two potentials lined up, except, Lucas' case reached a crisis. The person who had taken on his socialization gave up after two months and decided to send him to a feral cat sanctuary. I took him on the day he was to be shipped off. Three became five when I got involved in stabilizing a colony at a local church and found myself fostering (and socializing) two feral kittens. I found a home for them (whew!) but then, a few months later, Marie came to live with me - her guardian's circumstances changed drastically, and the only job he could find was abroad. So now I have four, and Phoenix finally has someone his own age in the house. One thing they all have in common, though, is that each one of them had walked into a trap set by me. (You trap 'em, you keep 'em??) | Perhaps you could adopt a pair that would provide entertainement for | your old girl, That's a good idea, I think. >Hi, > [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > >Thanks in advance to all responders - I am at a loss. Two things folks have commented on already. Check for health issues, and get another cat. I will also repeat, not a kitten. I did that and it drove my old boy crazy which he really didn't need. Get a senior cat that needs a home. Now one more thing, too late for you but a suggestion for others. If you have two cats that have been together for a long time and one dies, let the other one "view" the body. Animals do understand death, at least mine did. I took him to the vet where he saw and sniffed the dead body and he knew his buddy wasn't coming home. At least he didn't wonder why his buddy left him. Yep, you have a wonderful opportunity to adopt an 8+ year old cat and boy are people needed who are willing to adopt that old an cat. I realize that you don't feel the need for another cat, but it sounds like you're existing cat is telling you pretty strongly that *they* do. I did that when Sundance's sister Cassidy (a rare female orange tabby) died. I asked the vet if that would be appropriate and/or helpful to Sundance. She said that he probably knew she was sick, but that it wouldn't hurt and might help. After Cassidy was put to sleep, I got Sundance out of his carrier and put him on the table next to her. He investigated her body for a little while, and then he was ready to get back in the carrier. Because Cassidy had died of FIP, the vet said not to get a new cat for 6 months. Sundance nearly drove me crazy during that time: he got into a lot of mischief and became very aggressive toward me. Finally, the day after the 6 months was up, I went looking and found Rebecca. After she arrived, Sundance calmed down and became a nice little guy. Since the beginning the two of them have gotten along better than I could have hoped. To see a couple of examples of what I mean, go to photos.yahoo.com/auntof2times3@pacbell.net (do the math) and look at the "cats" album. SignatureDo the math to email me directly. > > >Hi, [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > dead body and he knew his buddy wasn't coming home. At least he didn't > wonder why his buddy left him. > Because Cassidy had died of FIP, the vet said not to get a new cat for 6 > months. Sandy, Sundance does not have FIP but they could live together? I've never had a FIP cat, so I know nothing. >Sundance nearly drove me crazy during that time: he got into a lot > of mischief and became very aggressive toward me. Finally, the day after > the 6 months was up, I went looking and found Rebecca. After she arrived, > Sundance calmed down and became a nice little guy. Since the beginning the > two of them have gotten along better than I could have hoped. To see a > couple of examples of what I mean, go to What cuties!! > photos.yahoo.com/auntof2times3@pacbell.net (do the math) and look at the > "cats" album. [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > dead body and he knew his buddy wasn't coming home. At least he didn't > > wonder why his buddy left him. Cassidy wasn't diagnosed with FIP until the day she was put to sleep, and I had only adopted the two of them 2 weeks before when they were 5 months old. They had been together from birth, so if he was going to get infected he probably already was. At the time, the vet told me that the current thinking was that cats had to have a genetic predisposition for FIP in order to get it at all -- that was worrisome, since Sundance and Cassidy were littermates and their genetics were certainly very similar. And, yes, thanks, Sundance and Rebecca are cuties! SignatureDo the math to email me directly. > > > > Because Cassidy had died of FIP, the vet said not to get a new cat [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > the > > "cats" album. Help. I cannot get to your album. I want to see kitties. Karen > I did that when Sundance's sister Cassidy (a rare female orange tabby) died. > I asked the vet if that would be appropriate and/or helpful to Sundance. [quoted text clipped - 44 lines] > > dead body and he knew his buddy wasn't coming home. At least he didn't > > wonder why his buddy left him. You have to do the math -- replace "2times3" with the number that equals and try again! SignatureDo the math to email me directly. > Help. I cannot get to your album. I want to see kitties. > [quoted text clipped - 52 lines] > > > dead body and he knew his buddy wasn't coming home. At least he didn't > > > wonder why his buddy left him. > You have to do the math -- replace "2times3" with the number that equals and > try again! I did that. I got a page for that, but no pictures. Karen Hmmm. When you get to that page you have to click on the cats album. What IS on the page you get? Maybe I should include the entire URL: http://photos.yahoo.com/auntof2times3@pacbell.net (still do the math) -- otherwise your browser might think it's an email address instead of an URL. SignatureDo the math to email me directly. > > > You have to do the math -- replace "2times3" with the number that equals and [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Karen > Hmmm. When you get to that page you have to click on the cats album. What > IS on the page you get? Maybe I should include the entire URL: > http://photos.yahoo.com/auntof2times3@pacbell.net (still do the math) -- > otherwise > your browser might think it's an email address instead of an URL. Is that @ symbol really in the address? Karen Yes, the @ symbol is part of the URL. I know other people have been able to see it. Have you tried cutting and pasting it instead of just clicking on it? SignatureDo the math to email me directly. > > > Hmmm. When you get to that page you have to click on the cats album. What [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Karen > http://photos.yahoo.com/auntof2times3@pacbell.net OK, if I replace 2times3, I get the photo album page, but NO photo album to click on it's empty, nada, nothing. If I add anything after it (@pacbell.net) or any variation there of, it can't find a page. I'm not sure why you are munging the addy. It's not an email address. Oh well. I'm sure they are lovely. Karen > Hmmm. When you get to that page you have to click on the cats album. What > IS on the page you get? Maybe I should include the entire URL: > http://photos.yahoo.com/auntof2times3@pacbell.net (still do the math) -- > otherwise > your browser might think it's an email address instead of an URL. Do cats nest together like that out of love/togetherness, or is it to make sure the other guy doesn't get a comfortable spot all to themselves? :) Signaturehttp://www.mindspring.com/~slywy/ http://slywy.diaryland.com/ Well, what usually happens is that Sundance makes himself comfortable somewhere, then Rebecca wants to cuddle up to him. That's the only time I ever saw them in the "nest" together, but they often curl up together. SignatureDo the math to email me directly. > > > Hmmm. When you get to that page you have to click on the cats album. What [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > make sure the other guy doesn't get a comfortable spot all to > themselves? :) Well, what usually happens is that Sundance makes himself comfortable somewhere, then Rebecca wants to cuddle up to him. That's the only time I ever saw them in the "nest" together, but they often curl up together on the couch or on my bed. SignatureDo the math to email me directly. > > Do cats nest together like that out of love/togetherness, or is it to > make sure the other guy doesn't get a comfortable spot all to > themselves? :) >Subject: "Widowed" cat will not stop crying >From: mimichpell@yahoo.com (Mimi) [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > >Thanks in advance to all responders - I am at a loss. The smart thing to do would be to get a new dog. One of those aggressive little Tshit-zues or something like that. This would take your cat's mind off her immediate grief and give her something new to think about :) No, really ... that's just about the saddest thing I ever heard of. I don't know what to say in these situations that would help... IBen G. |
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