I'm curious.  What are you punishing them for, and how do you punish them?  You
do realize that cats do not learn from punishment.

As far as their relationship with your husband, my cats love me, but my female
won't let me pick her up.  Sometimes when she is sleeping I can get a bit more
aggressive with her, but when she realizes it, she struggles.  In short, I just
let her be and not try to impose my will on her.  She shows affection in her
own way.

Why would your husband pick up a cat that does not particularly
want to be picked up by him?

He needs to tune into the cat. A cat is not a teddy bear.

I am reading up on clicker training for cats. He might want to
start educating himself on cats. If you can teach a cat a trick,
chances are you are learning how to understand another creature.

He can use treats as a way to help things out.

Males appear to want to pick up cats that don't want to be
picked up. The cats then are really fearful of the males.
The cat is only a 10 pound animal and this 175 pound animal
keep manhandling the cat. From the cat's point of view,
your husband is way out of line.

It is not obvious to your husband, or perhaps to any of you,
why a cat will suddenly turn and be aggressive but something
has spooked the cat. Be it a smell or a memory, they just
will do that. The cat will see something and freak out
and you can't determine that.

My own cat once  for no reason, or so it seemed, reared up
and smacked me on the nose when I was holding her and
bringing her home.

It took me months to figure it all out. What had happened was
she had caught sight or smell of an invading cat and just
wanted to be safe back inside. It never happened again
but it taught me that they have instinctive responses that
cannot be over-ridden and they simply cannot be treated
as inanimate rag-dolls.

In other words, leave the cat alone or try to tune into the
cat with tricks and treats but don't pick up a cat that
is giving signs of fear and avoidance.

It sounds to me that your husband and yourself need to exercise a little
patience here. Don't force yourselves on the cats and allow them to come to
you. You might also have your husband share in the duties of caring and
feeding the cats. You never said whether or not your husband likes cats. If
he doesn't then they can tell that and will resist. I would also look into
medical reasons as to why your cat might be acting this way. Some cats when
they have serious medical issues will lash out at humans.

mjmcx2@beol.net  (The Mrs
writes

fine for the most part.

Cats are like people. They have different personalities. One cat will be very
aloof and not like being picked up. Another one will trail people all day and
be a lap cat.  If your male cat doesn't like to be picked up then don't pick
him up.