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Cat Forum / Health and Behavior / January 2004Cat dilemma..
Ok, need some opinions here! About a year ago, my parents moved to another state, and they took my cat with them. Unfortuately, my parents have separated, and they had to give the cat to my aunt with the idea that she's looked after them until they sorted things out or I could get the cat back. Now a couple of questions... If I were to get my cat back now... (a) Would my cat even remember me after all this time? (b) Would another move disrupt the cat too much? How well do you think he'd adapt to that? My Dad seems to be suggesting lately that it's too late and I should just forget about him.... << (a) Would my cat even remember me after all this time? (b) Would another move disrupt the cat too much? How well do you think he'd adapt to that? >> a) probably, at least after he'd been with you for a few days. b) how far of a move would it be? by car? plane? would you be with him? is he a mellow cat or a scaredy cat? does he travel well? Does your aunt want to keep him? I think if you want him more than she does, you should get him. If she is really attached to him and he has a good home, I guess I would leave him with her. You should do what is in his best interests and have him with the best home where you are sure he won't keep getting passed around. Candace (take the litter out before replying by e-mail) See my cats: http://photos.yahoo.com/maccandace "One does not meet oneself until one catches the reflection from an eye other than human." (Loren Eisely) >Does your aunt want to keep him? I think she does, that's the problem. She's even told my Dad he shouldn't come around to visit the cat, as that may upset him. >I think if you want him more than she does, you should get him. If she is > really attached to him and he has a good home, I guess I would leave him with her. >You should do what is in his best interests and have him with the best home where you are >sure he won't keep getting passed around. Well if I got him back, he'd stay with me for good, it's just that I'd probably be on the move alot more. >b) how far of a move would it be? by car? plane? would you be with him? is >he a mellow cat or a scaredy cat? does he travel well? Plane probably. He's a timid cat, and doesn't travel THAT well. >Does your aunt want to keep him? I think she does, that's the problem. She's even told my Dad he shouldn't come around to visit the cat, as that may upset him. >I think if you want him more than she does, you should get him. If she is > really attached to him and he has a good home, I guess I would leave him with her. >You should do what is in his best interests and have him with the best home where you are >sure he won't keep getting passed around. Well if I got him back, he'd stay with me for good, it's just that I'd probably be on the move alot more. > Ok, need some opinions here! > [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > > (a) Would my cat even remember me after all this time? He may or may not. My guess is that he would. > (b) Would another move disrupt the cat too much? How well do you think > he'd adapt to that? I think he'd probably adapt fine. He's already had to adapt to going to your aunt's - before moving back in w/ your mother or father again, eventually. I don't see a whole lot of difference if he goes back to you instead. > My Dad seems to be suggesting lately that it's too late and I should > just forget about him.... Can be pretty difficult to forget about one's cat... Cathy -- "Staccato signals of constant information..." ("The Boy in the Bubble") Paul Simon > Ok, need some opinions here! > [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > My Dad seems to be suggesting lately that it's too late and I should > just forget about him.... I think the thing to ask is who can give the cat a permanent home and a good one. Whoever is better qualified should be the one with the cat. karen >Now a couple of questions... > [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >My Dad seems to be suggesting lately that it's too late and I should >just forget about him.... You left out one very vital piece of information; how long did you live with the cat before you were separated a year go? If you and the cat only knew each other for a few months, well, that would be one thing. If you and he were together for a number of years, that's another. >You left out one very vital piece of information; how long did you live with >the cat before you were separated a year go? If you and the cat only knew each >other for a few months, well, that would be one thing. If you and he were >together for a number of years, that's another. Almost 10 years! Of course Dad will use the logic that 10 years is a good run for a cat, and I should move on... > Now a couple of questions... > > If I were to get my cat back now... > > (a) Would my cat even remember me after all this time? I'm guessing, yes. My cat, whom I had for 1 year before I left for 1 year, remembered me with ease when I came back. From my first night back she climbed onto my bed and slept in her usual spot. > (b) Would another move disrupt the cat too much? How well do you think > he'd adapt to that? That depends on his personality. How has he adapted to your aunt's place so far? Easily? > My Dad seems to be suggesting lately that it's too late and I should > just forget about him.... It seems to me that perhaps your dad would like to keep him. Maybe he needs a loving pet at this difficult time in his life? If that's not it, and neither of your parents really want to keep him, I would take him back. Better that than risk having him sent to a shelter. rona  Signature***For e-mail, replace .com with .ca Sorry for the inconvenience!*** >> Now a couple of questions... >> [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >remembered me with ease when I came back. From my first night back she >climbed onto my bed and slept in her usual spot. Yeah, that's what I thought. >> (b) Would another move disrupt the cat too much? How well do you think >> he'd adapt to that? > >That depends on his personality. How has he adapted to your aunt's place so >far? Easily? He's a bit timid, and it took him a few weeks to settle down. He's adapted well enough now though. >> My Dad seems to be suggesting lately that it's too late and I should >> just forget about him.... > >It seems to me that perhaps your dad would like to keep him. Nup - my cat's with my Aunt remember. And if Dad took him back, I wouldn't have a problem - at least I'd still see him occasionally then. Signature***For e-mail, replace .com with .ca Sorry for the inconvenience!*** > > >> Now a couple of questions... [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > And if Dad took him back, I wouldn't have a problem - at least I'd > still see him occasionally then. > Nup - my cat's with my Aunt remember. > > And if Dad took him back, I wouldn't have a problem - at least I'd > still see him occasionally then. I was thinking perhaps your dad wanted to take him back from your aunt when all has settled. If traveling back with your cat might be a hardship for him, I might consider leaving him with your aunt *if* he's happy and well taken care of there. From your other post, it seems that your aunt has already become attached to him. If you're "on the go" a lot--as in traveling a lot--it might be best to leave him with her so he'll have constant companionship (instead of having to go to kennels or dealing with cat sitters). Perhaps you could make a deal with her--she can keep the cat if and only if you are allowed to visit whenever you're in town, as often as you'd like (subject to her convenience). It's a difficult decision, but I'm sure you'll make the best one for everyone (feline and human) involved! rona Signature***For e-mail, replace .com with .ca Sorry for the inconvenience!*** >I was thinking perhaps your dad wanted to take him back from your aunt when >all has settled. That was the plan, but he now feels it's too late. (8 months? Hmm) >If traveling back with your cat might be a hardship for him, I might >consider leaving him with your aunt *if* he's happy and well taken care of >there. From your other post, it seems that your aunt has already become >attached to him. It seems to be the case, even though she knew it was only meant to be a temporary arrangement. In any case: 10 years vs 8 months. I think the scales tip towards me on that one. ;) >If you're "on the go" a lot--as in traveling a lot--it might be best to leave him with her >so he'll have constant companionship (instead of having to go to kennels or dealing with cat sitters) No, I don't travel either. It's just I'm renting at the moment, and haven't necessarily settled here, so I could be moving again to another town in 6 months - but who knows? The only real problem is the "No Pets" rule on most apartments - but it is possible to get exceptions to that (indeed, a lady in the same apartment block as me has a cat, she was able to get permission from the apartment owner) >Perhaps you could make a deal with her--she can keep the cat if and only if you are >allowed to visit whenever you're in town, as often as you'd like (subject to >her convenience). It's an option I would consider but she doesn't seem to open to that, according to my Dad. >It's a difficult decision, but I'm sure you'll make the best one for >everyone (feline and human) involved! I hope so! > Ok, need some opinions here! > [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > > (a) Would my cat even remember me after all this time? Yes. I gave my Mom a cat that showed up in my garage. He always remembered me when I came to visit, even after long absences. > (b) Would another move disrupt the cat too much? How well do you think > he'd adapt to that? > > My Dad seems to be suggesting lately that it's too late and I should > just forget about him.... If he's in a good stable home, and happy, I'd be inclined to leave him there. Why did they take *your* cat to being with? -L. >If he's in a good stable home, and happy, I'd be inclined to leave him >there. Why did they take *your* cat to being with? Because I moved into a small apartment and was unable to have pets. It wasn't an issue, I don't mind if my cat is with my parents - because at least then I'll get to see him occasionally. But if he stays with my Aunt, I'll pretty much never see him again. > >If he's in a good stable home, and happy, I'd be inclined to leave him > >there. Why did they take *your* cat to being with? [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > because at least then I'll get to see him occasionally. But if he > stays with my Aunt, I'll pretty much never see him again. Well, unless your situation has changed and you are in a place where you *know* you will be staying, and the possibility of you moving to another "no pets" place is out of the question, then I would leave him where he is. Otherwise it is unfair to the cat. -L. As long as your aunt is taking good care of him, then I'd let him be. Your life seems somewhat unstable in comparison, and your Dad seems willing to let the cat stay where it is. That you want to see him doesn't sound like the best reason in the world to take him away from another home he seems to have adjusted too and then put him through the stress of traveling. I'm not clear what the cat gets out of it. I'm sure he'd like to see you again - all things being equal - but after all, your family did break up for him, and I'm sure he's gone through a process of feeling abandoned and then readjusting to his new world. I'd honor that and lave it be, unless and until your aunt is unable to provide with with a good home. |
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