Dear Owners,

I cannot sleep if you are going to persist in sticking your vestigial
thumbs up my nose when you stretch out to go to sleep or if when you
curl up beside me you persist in licking me about the nose and lips
persistently.  An occasional SOFT kiss is okay, but raking the skin off
my lower face is simply not acceptable.

I bring these things up because it means I am up in the middle of the
night and I will not be able to give you proper attention tomorrow
because I will be tired and inattentive.  Proper sleep is important if I
am to function well as a slave.  For example, you are almost out of food
and kitty litter.  If I am sleep deprived, I should not drive the car to
get these things and you may run out.  I don't mean to be rude or
insubordinate, I am just pointing out some facts.  If the goal is to get
me to take a nap tomorrow so you have a warm sleeping buddy, may I point
out that food and kitty litter will still not be obtained.  That store
is only open certain hours.

I am going to drink a nice warm cup of chamomile tea while you exhaust
yourselves playing in the paper bags.  Maybe when we all head back to
bed it will be a better experience.

Yours truly,
Slave