I haven't posted about this, because I wanted to respect Richard's
privacy.  But he gave me the go-ahead, and who knows, maybe it will
help someone else here somehow?

Richard has had a breakdown.  Things started getting bad in early
February, but I didn't recognize the signs of what was going on.  He
was exhibiting very aggressive, angry behavior at that time and for
several months.  Finally, in May, he went into depression and started
talking about suicide.  Our psychologist and I agreed he needed to go
into the hospital, and he signed himself in.

He was there for about five or six days, and since then, he has been
in a day program where he has been learning new coping skills and
getting used to his medications (he's on Zoloft and an antianxiety, as
well as a sleeping aid).

Unfortunately, on Monday they told him that he would be going to
half-days in the program in order to prepare to get out of it and,
hopefully, return to work soon.  This set off some old issues for him,
I think; I really don't fully comprehend all of what is going on.  All
I know is that he went completely off the deep end again, and was
talking suicide and hitting himself with his fists.  I was very
afraid, and a neighbor kindly drove us to the hospital.

It was a nightmare.  Near a Full Moon, and all that.  It took hours
for him to be seen by the psychiatrist.  And when he finally was, we
were told they had no beds available.  So they shipped him out to a
crisis center where he could be held and observed overnight.  They
gave me a free cab ride home, and I felt bad about leaving him, but
the cats hadn't been fed in 24 hours, I had forgotten my Albuterol and
couldn't breathe, and I had to get home before I knew what their
assessment was.  I already knew he needed to be somewhere safe.

I called yesterday, and they were transporting him to Riverside
Hospital, which is not our hospital, because OSU still had no beds
available.  His case manager at the crisis service talked to the
insurance company, and they *say* they will cover it anyway, even
though it is out-of-network, because no beds were available where he
should have gone.  We shall see.  Co-pays alone for hospitalization
are going to be $500, plus we will probably have to pay for the
ambulance transport, twice.  I do not know what we are going to do.

His mother was supposed to take me up to see him last night, but she
ditzed around too long.  I managed to find a friend to run me up
there, but I only had five minutes to drop off some clothes and see
him.  He is doing slightly better, but still not doing very well at
all.  They happened to have a class with family members welcome, so I
was able to stay with him another 45 minutes, even though it was in a
class on stress.  I was great at volunteering answers about that --
lol.

I don't know how I am going to get up to see him tonight, but I will
try.

I feel so badly for him, but I don't know that there is much I can do.
It really hurts to see him like this.  And I am also angry, as he has
left so many things a mess and I have to deal with it all, when *I* am
not in very good shape myself right now.  But sh*t happens, yes?

One funny thing on Monday at the ER.  Every Monday since March 1999, I
have participated in the online Candle Ceremony at petloss.com.  The
only times I missed (two) were due to computer problems.  Shortly
before the start of the Ceremony, the psychiatrist was dong a lengthy
interview with Richard and asked me to step outside.  So I looked
around at the interminable number of computer terminals around the
nurse's station, and thought "Why not?"  I asked a nurse, explaining,
and she asked a nurse with more authority who said "Sure!"  So I stood
there at the nurse's station using their computer, and doing the
online Ceremony.  At least I didn't miss that.

Anyway, I am long-winded and babbling, and I sure wish I could say
things were better and didn't keep getting worse.  Surely rock-bottom
has to hit soon.

Any purrs for DH (and me) appreciated.

Ginger-lyn
weary

Home Pages:
 http://www.spiritrealm.com/summer/
 http://www.angelfire.com/folk/glsummer (homepage & cats)
 http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~summer/index.htm (genealogy)
 http://www.movieanimals.bravehost.com/ (The Violence Against
                        Animals in Movies Website)