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gracecatt@gmail.com - 24 May 2005 23:29 GMT
Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
So bear with me.

Abi's doing well. Or well enough. Jody and I were out of town five
weeks ago and came home to a broken arm. She had been riding one of the
children's go-cart things and it tilted. She braced her fall and
fractured above her wrist. A typical kid's injury. She's doing good,
after the fourth day she stopped complaining of it itching and the
healing prognosis is 100% positive. She was able to move her wrist and
fingers with full mobility and it hurt very little before they put the
cast on, so we began without complications. They did apply the cast up
to her shoulder because they didn't want it to move anymore than it
would otherwise. Two weeks ago they changed it out to a short arm,
below her elbow and she likes that much better. June 3rd can't come
soon enough!

Jody's in Canada, has been since Wednesday. I've been sleeping entirely
too much while he's gone. All day when Abi's at school and then as soon
as she's in bed, I'm curled up with a book in bed as well. He'll be
home tomorrow night, it can't come soon enough.

The cats are doing fine. Glitter will only let me touch her at the
darkest hours and only when everybody else is asleep. She'll decide I'm
acceptable to hang out with. Lunatic hates to be held but will endure
it anyway and Jinglebell (the boy) is a fuzzy pain in the butt when he
wants attention. But lovable ;) We've determined he's not Maine Coon
with a butchered tail as I originally thought as a 12 week old kitten.
He's growing up to look more like a Japanese Bobtail. They have similar
disposition to the coon and his markings are closer to that of his
bobtail, which is longer than a manx and has a crook in it. It's a hoot
to watch him wag it. Which he does, like a dog.
Speaking of, Mutt's plugging along. Still the little witch she can be
but she's settled down and mellowed out in the last few months. She
hangs close by, wherever I'm at she's asleep at my feet or beside me.
Eve was the only child she'd tolerate, and even occassionally lick. I
always complained to Jody that he showed favoritism towards Eve over
Abi. We've discussed it, in length that she was different than
everybody else, the kids I mean. But all the same, Mutt is doing well.

Mom and Dad's divorce was final the third week of April. And I still
haven't recovered from Mother's Day. To be honest, I think I stayed in
a shock for the last 7 months. The first of May came around and hit me
with a brick.

We're trying again, to have a baby. Frankly, that's turning into a
bust. I'm going to see the GYN soon if that doesn't change. I miss
those horrible yeast infections *grin*.

There's been too much death in the group to read properly so I'll give
blanket purrs. I did read about Nikki briefly. And Sabra... I'll light
candles for both.

I had to reformat my laptop and I need to set my newsgroup settings on
the desktop I got at Christmas. I haven't done fixed either of them so
I'm google posting for now. But I should be back strong. I want to be
and being a hermit gets old after a while.
Mark Edwards - 24 May 2005 19:33 GMT
> Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.

Grace!!!!!! Big hugs. Good to see you, and hope you stay awhile.

Hugs and Purrs,
Mark
Signature

Proof of Sanity Forged Upon Request

Yoj - 25 May 2005 01:21 GMT
Purrs and hugs.  I can't even imagine what you're going through, and have
been for so long.  I think the fact that you want to get back to "normal
life", whatever that is, is definitely a good sign.

You're always welcome here, whenever and however you can return.

((((((((((Grace and family)))))))))

Joy

> Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
> So bear with me.
[quoted text clipped - 52 lines]
> I'm google posting for now. But I should be back strong. I want to be
> and being a hermit gets old after a while.
Annie Wxill - 25 May 2005 01:38 GMT
...> I had to reformat my laptop and I need to set my newsgroup settings on
> the desktop I got at Christmas. I haven't done fixed either of them so
> I'm google posting for now. But I should be back strong. I want to be
> and being a hermit gets old after a while.

Gracie,
Welcome back. Post whenever you can.
Get as much sleep as you need whenever you can.
Hugs,
Annie
Catnipped - 25 May 2005 02:01 GMT
> Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
> So bear with me.
[quoted text clipped - 52 lines]
> I'm google posting for now. But I should be back strong. I want to be
> and being a hermit gets old after a while.

{{{{{{{{{{Grace}}}}}}}}}}  I can't even imagine going through what you're
going through, sweetie.  Are you seeing someone, or in a group (either live
or online) for grief therapy?  A regular doctor tends to try to solve all
problems with pills, so I worry about taking an anti-depressant if you're
not getting counseling as well.  Pardon me if I'm butting in unwanted, but I
care and I'd like to see you get through this whole and well again.

Hugs,

CatNipped
gracecatt@gmail.com - 25 May 2005 02:38 GMT
For a while, until Christmas.... We went on out of town and Jody kept
going out of town on business after Christmas and I didn't want to do
therapy without him so it kind of fizzled out.

We *were* on antidepressents. I was on *lots* of drugs. Ativan, Zoloft,
Ambien, Butalbatal (stress migraines) and  a couple more. It got too
much and I was zoned. So I dropped it all. I was so apathetic and out
of it, I wasn't grieving or feeling much of anything. I felt I needed
to grieve and not drug myself. Somedays I wish I could crawl into a
hole and not feel much ;). But from December to Mother's day, I was
doing good. Mother's Day landed me in bed with a couple xanax by that
night. But no, I haven't done much in the way of therapy, counselling
or otherwise. I should, it certainly wouldn't hurt. But after a couple
months of telling the dr's that it's not helping, they'd increase my
zoloft and ignore the anxiety attacks I was fed up with the entire
psychiatric practice.

We're plugging along. Some days are just awful. I mean, every day is
sad but some days are unbearable. Some days are pleasantly void of much
emotion one way or the other. But most of them are becoming nice
enough. We're getting through it. It'd be easier if we didn't deal with
other family drama at the same time but that's not always possible.
*grin* Because lord, we've had entirely too much drama to last me the
next 50 years in the last six months.

*hugs*
Annie Wxill - 26 May 2005 00:29 GMT
Grace,
You are right that you have been through way too much.
However, taking those drugs while trying to get pregnant is not a good
idea.
You need a clear head and clear body for your best chance to conceive,
carry, and raise a baby.  You owe it to yourself and the baby to give the
child the best start in life that you can.  I get the feeling that you are
not really ready yet to take on any additional stress.
Of course, only you and Jody can make that decision, but my maternal side
makes me feel a little like treating you like a daughter.  I care too much
about you to just shut up and mind my own business.
I'm terribly sorry if I've added to your grief, but I'm hoping for the best
possible outcome for you and your family.
And when you finally do hold that next baby in your arms, I will celebrate
with you and for you.
Welcome back, and again, please don't let my maternal side drive you away.
We all have missed you a lot.
Love & hugs,
Annie
Annie Wxill - 26 May 2005 01:16 GMT
snip

Grace,
I meant to send that by private email and not to the group.  I had a lot
going on at the same time and clicked on the wrong button.
Sorry.
Annie
gracecatt@gmail.com - 31 May 2005 04:46 GMT
> snip
>
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> Sorry.
> Annie

Hey Annie, no worries. This group has shared too much for private email
*grin*

As far as the drugs, you're absolutely right. It's why I'm not on most
meds and the xanax was the first since Christmas. That's not an excuse
and I played with fire that week. I've been racking up money on
pregnancy and ovulation tests. And while we're trying, there are weeks
that go by and the intimacy is nill.

They say the zoloft is pregnancy safe though I haven't looked into it
because 99% of the time, I'm comfortable enough with out and on the odd
day, such as Mothers day... well, zoloft won't help in that case
either. As far as the rest, I had to bum a xanax off Mom that one day
LOL. Admittedly it was an escape, anything to stop that particular day.

I think it was the dam that burst the flood gates though. Before May I
rarely cried. This month has been as diffult as the first few days. I'm
coming out of shock maybe? Or maybe I'm starting the acceptance. At any
rate, it's another step.

*huggles* thank you for caring Annie. Since then I've been taking care
of myself. That day just out and out sucked.

Grace
Yoj - 31 May 2005 08:13 GMT
> They say the zoloft is pregnancy safe though I haven't looked into it
> because 99% of the time, I'm comfortable enough with out and on the odd
[quoted text clipped - 11 lines]
>
> Grace

Sometimes escape is not only acceptable, it's necessary.  I know you're
still going through an incredibly hard time that I can't even imagine.  It
seems to me that, under the circumstances, you are doing remarkably well.  I
admire you.

(((((((((((Grace)))))))))))

Joy
Annie Wxill - 01 Jun 2005 02:05 GMT
Grace,
You are an incredible inspiration.  You are bound to have some tough times
that catch you off guard.  I hope you also find moments of peace and joy.
Hugs,
Annie
Christine Burel - 28 May 2005 16:30 GMT
Grace,
I'm glad to see you posting again. Many supportive purrs and hugs to you
all.  Meds alone don't always solve issues; when you can you might consider
therapy with a psychologist; we've had to do both in our family.
Christine
> For a while, until Christmas.... We went on out of town and Jody kept
> going out of town on business after Christmas and I didn't want to do
[quoted text clipped - 22 lines]
>
> *hugs*
Karen AKA Kajikit - 25 May 2005 02:26 GMT
>Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
>So bear with me.

(snip)

>I'm google posting for now. But I should be back strong. I want to be
>and being a hermit gets old after a while.

Welcome back Grace! You've been missed sweety... I really hope you can
stay awhile.

(huggles)

Signature

~Karen aka Kajikit
Crafts, cats, and chocolate - the three essentials of life
http://www.kajikitscorner.com

badwilson - 25 May 2005 03:19 GMT
Good to hear from you Grace, and many hugs and purrs.
About the bobtail.  Vino is half Japanese Bobtail, half Birman.  Their
tails can be anywhere from practically nonexistant (like Vino) to a
few inches.  Vino had a littermate, a little black boy named Hook,
who's tail was kinked.  So cute!
Friends of mine had an "American Bobtail", which is a cross between a
Maine Coon and a Japanese Bobtail.  Rory was 25 lbs of steely grey
cattitude with a 3 inch tail, no kinks.
They try to tell you that the Japanese Bobtail is a recessive gene and
that you need 2 bobtails to make a bobtail kitten, but that's
definitely not true.  It is a dominant trait and all kittens of a
bobtail/non-bobtail cross will be bobtails.  So it could very well be
that your Jinglebell is a cross, maybe even with a Main Coon.
Especially if he's quite large and has long fur.
Anyway, sorry to go on and on about bobtails, but they fascinate me
:-)
Take care now, ok?
--
Britta
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." -- Unknown
Check out pictures of Vino at:
http://photos.yahoo.com/badwilson click on the Vino album

> Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
> So bear with me.
[quoted text clipped - 21 lines]
> I'm acceptable to hang out with. Lunatic hates to be held but will
> endure it anyway and Jinglebell (the boy) is a fuzzy pain in the
butt
> when he wants attention. But lovable ;) We've determined he's not
> Maine Coon with a butchered tail as I originally thought as a 12
week
> old kitten. He's growing up to look more like a Japanese Bobtail.
> They have similar disposition to the coon and his markings are
closer
> to that of his bobtail, which is longer than a manx and has a crook
> in it. It's a hoot to watch him wag it. Which he does, like a dog.
[quoted text clipped - 23 lines]
> I'm google posting for now. But I should be back strong. I want to be
> and being a hermit gets old after a while.
pmendhall - 25 May 2005 03:25 GMT
Yea!  Grace is back.  Hope Abi's arm get's better soonest.  Hugs to you and
the family.

Diane
CATherine - 25 May 2005 03:55 GMT
>Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
>So bear with me.
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>I'm google posting for now. But I should be back strong. I want to be
>and being a hermit gets old after a while.

Grace, it is good to hear from you again. I have missed you. Don't
feel too bad about being in limbo so long. When my sister lost her son
to a hit and run, she was in a fog for 6 months and remembers very
little of that time. And it took her years to heal. All you can do is
take it a day at a time. I am glad you are trying for another child.
And thanks for the update on the furbabies and Mutt. Hugs and purrs,

--
CATherine
Sam Nash - 25 May 2005 04:22 GMT
Great to see you back, Grace!  Hope you can get the 'puter probs worked out
so we can see more of you (er, sorry for the Dave-ism, but you know what I
mean)
Sam, closely supervised by Mistletoe
wafflycat - 25 May 2005 07:57 GMT
{{{{{{{{{{ Grace!! }}}}}}}}}}

How *most excellent* to see you back with a post! You've made it a *happy
day* by posting! Thanks!

It is *seriously good* to see you posting.

Cheers, helen s
O J - 25 May 2005 12:25 GMT
>Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too
.--------------------<snip>---------------------

It's good to hear from you.  Anything you have time to share with us
will be greatly appreciated.  Take care of yourself.  Hugs!!

--
Regards and Purrs,
O J
Victor Martinez - 25 May 2005 12:43 GMT
> Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
> So bear with me.

Hi Grace, it's good to hear from you. *purrs*

Signature

Victor M. Martinez
Owned and operated by the Fantastic Seven (TM)
Send your spam here: uce@ftc.gov
Email me here: pistorLITTER@BOXaustin.rr.com

Nan - 25 May 2005 13:47 GMT
>Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
>So bear with me.
[quoted text clipped - 52 lines]
>I'm google posting for now. But I should be back strong. I want to be
>and being a hermit gets old after a while.

Welcome back, Grace, we've missed you.

Hugs and Purrs,

Nan and the Allons, TN Furkids
glsummer@neptunelink.com - 25 May 2005 18:21 GMT
>Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
>So bear with me.
[quoted text clipped - 52 lines]
>I'm google posting for now. But I should be back strong. I want to be
>and being a hermit gets old after a while.

{{{{{Grace}}}}}

So good to hear from you.  We've missed you here.

I'm glad you've decided to come out of hermitage :-)  It can be good
for awhile, to have time alone to heal, but it can be very good to
come back to a group of people who care about you.

Ty for thinking of my Sabra.

Welcome back!

Ginger-lyn

Home Pages:
 http://www.spiritrealm.com/summer/
 http://www.angelfire.com/folk/glsummer (homepage & cats)
 http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~summer/index.htm (genealogy)
 http://www.movieanimals.bravehost.com/ (The Violence Against
                        Animals in Movies Website)
polonca12000 - 25 May 2005 22:48 GMT
We think of you often, Gracie.
Lots and lots of gentle hugs and purrs for you and your family,
Signature

Polonca & Soncek

> Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
> So bear with me.
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
> after the fourth day she stopped complaining of it itching and the
> healing prognosis is 100% positive. <snip>
Pamela  Shirk - 25 May 2005 22:48 GMT
> Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
> So bear with me.

Baby Girl, we've missed you so much.  Hang in there, it will be better
sometime.  We'll be here to help you and cheer you back to health.  I've got
the cats sending purrs and Speedy the d-thing sending woofs.

Pine Cone has his scurvy crew out on the high seas again, and are posting
this year's voyages in their blog, http://www.mousertails.blogspot.com  we
took our foster kittens in today for vetting then adoption, which is
bittersweet as usual, but we are keeping their momma, Sonya, and one of the
kittens Qui Gun Kit.  I start college (again) in August, and Mike is going
to carpool with me.  The rest of the family is as nutty as usual.

Pam S. happy to see her Gracie again
Adrian - 26 May 2005 12:26 GMT
> Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
> So bear with me.

Hugs and purrs. I look forward to you posting again.
Signature

Adrian (Owned by Snoopy & Bagheera)
A house is not a home, without a cat.

SuzQ - 26 May 2005 12:40 GMT
Hay Gracie, its great hearing from you. I've missed you.
Suz&Spicey
Brad - 27 May 2005 06:23 GMT

I will probably get crucified for this but so be it......I hear so
much medical and or psychological type advice given out here and I am
absolutely positve that each and every one of you who give the advice
have your hearts in the right place and are trying to help......but to
have a doctor or psychiatrist prescribe something and to hear people
here say no I wouldn't do that I would do something else is just plain
dangerous.......well meaning but dangerous.......some of the
medications I heard you are not supposed to stop taking them cold
turkey you are supposed to have a controlled lowering of the dosage
until you are done with them......

How would you feel if your well meant advice ended up with a not so
good result......I was on anti depressants for good cause a while back
and I researched and researched until I couldn't research anymore and
my conclusion was that anti depressants used properly are the safest
drug on the market and also one of the most effective. I still don't
buy completely the theories.......I kind of feel like if you have good
reason to be depressed some time you may have to just ride it
out......like mine was a life changing experience for me with no
chance of recovery.....so I wasn't sure that a magic pill could make
me less depressed when I had good reason to be that way....

Sorry I got way off track but please be careful giveing and recieving
advice from well meaning people.......

Brad

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A
WELL-PRESERVED BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT,
SHOUTING... " HOLY @#$%... WHAT A RIDE!"
gracecatt@gmail.com - 31 May 2005 04:55 GMT
Hey Brad.

You're right and before Sept, I would have lectured anybody coming off
psych meds cold turkey. It can do a lot more damage than good and send
you spiralling into a dangerous depression or even more dangerous
mania. In hindsight, I should have told the doctor that I am unhappy
with the meds, and explained why. I should have given him the choice of
sending me to a new physician who *will* alter my meds to my
satisfication or give me a reasonable schedule to decrease them over an
amount of time.

However, at that time.... I had counsellors telling me I need to grieve
and I can't bottle and all the other bs, at the same time they were
drugging me into a state where I didn't feel I could grieve. At least
at that time I felt that way.  Frankly I wanted to hurt, cry and feel
all of the emotions of losing a child.
Yoj - 31 May 2005 08:15 GMT
> However, at that time.... I had counsellors telling me I need to grieve
> and I can't bottle and all the other bs, at the same time they were
> drugging me into a state where I didn't feel I could grieve. At least
> at that time I felt that way.  Frankly I wanted to hurt, cry and feel
> all of the emotions of losing a child.

Of course you did, and you had a right to.  Those people were no doubt
trying to help, but there are some things that nobody can fix, and you need
to handle them in your own way.  I don't think any two people's grief
processes are exactly the same, and nobody has a right to tell someone else
how they should or shouldn't grieve.  Unfortunately, that's what some people
who are trying to help do.

Joy
Singh - 28 May 2005 05:22 GMT
Welcome, dear Grace...we miss you too, and I barely know you!

Blessed be,
Baha

> Everytime I open this newsgroup I start crying. But I miss ya'll too.
> So bear with me.
[quoted text clipped - 52 lines]
> I'm google posting for now. But I should be back strong. I want to be
> and being a hermit gets old after a while.
 
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