I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
eternal summer island.
Nikki came to me in October 1988 as a fiesty little girl, who
immediately took over the house and made Frank her adoptive mummy. Out
on the island, she soon showed everyone what an accomplished huntress
she was. She also made it clear that she cannot tolerate other cats, as
she attcked all the other cats that spent/spend their summers on the
island. This spring she surprised me several times after I brought home
a new kitten and Nikki was the first to play and interact with the new
member of the household.
Last night, Nikki came into bed and settled down beside Frank to sleep.
Frank gave her a long good wash, which didn't happen every evening
lately. Maybe he knew she wasn't feeling good? She showed me no signs of
being ill.
The worst thing is remembering how I forced the new medicine into her.
She spit out the pill a couple of times, but I always forced it back,
and now it looks like this new medicine is what caused her to have a
fit. And I made her take it. Well, at least she had Frank giving her
some TLC, when her Meowmie only did horrible things to her.
They are going to cremate her at the vet school and send me the ashes. I
am going to sprinkle them out on the island this summer, so my darling
Nikki will be on her beloved island forever. I'm glad I'd had that
planned for a long time now for my cats, because I wouldn't have been
able to make any decisions when I talked to the vet.
Should I have gone to the vet school to say goodbye? But Nikki was
unsconscious and wouldn't have benefitted in any way. Going there to say
goodbye would have been for me, not for her. I couldn't face the long
ride into town. If I'd have lived closer to the vet school, I might have
been able to get Nikki there in time to save her. If I hadn't given her
the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
putting her throuhg this suffering.

Signature
Marina
Mark Edwards - 22 May 2005 07:00 GMT
[snips]
> IIf I hadn't given her
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
Marina,
There is no way you could have known - everything you did was an
attempt to *alleviate* her suffering. I'm sure she knows that too.
I sit here, crying for your great loss, but smiling for having shared
in Nikki's life through your posts to RPCA.
Hugs and Purrs,
Mark

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Takayuki - 22 May 2005 09:17 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
>Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
>the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
>putting her throuhg this suffering.
I'm so sorry, Marina! It's not your fault about the medicine,
although I know how you feel. We do so much to protect and care for
our kitties, and the worst feeling is when you feel as though you've
let them down. But you've been a wonderful mewomie.
It'll always feel strange to me that we can outlive something as
beautiful and precious as Nikki.
Lisa Katt - 22 May 2005 09:23 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
>Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 36 lines]
>--
>Marina
Dear Marina, I am so awfully sorry to read this. A wonderful lady cat has
left us. We will always remember her.
Try not to dwell on all the "ifs". We can never know what would have
happened IF we had done things differently.
Nikki had a long and active and wonderful life with you and Frank. That is
what we know. That is something to be remembered.
Hugo Katt, who is a very skilful hunter himself, has always admired Nikkis'
hunting skill. Swimming cat huntress! Who can beat that.
Lots and lots of hugs and purrs to you and Frank and Mere
from Elisabet and Hugo Katt
Snoopy - 22 May 2005 09:29 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
> hadn't given her the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll
> never forgive myself for putting her throuhg this suffering.
I'm so very sorry Marina, I just sent purrs then saw your post. I will light
a candle for Nikki. Hugs, purrs and tears.

Signature
Adrian (Owned by Snoopy, Milo & Bagheera)
A house is not a home, without a cat.
wafflycat - 22 May 2005 09:34 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope Nikki
>is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an eternal
>summer island.
Oh no! My deepest, deepest sympathies, Marina. I'm so very, very sorry to
hear of Nikki's passing. Thank you for being such a lovely carer for such a
lovely cat and for bringing tales of her adventures to me. Nikki is missed
but never forgotten. A candle will be lit for her this evening.
Gentle *hugs* helen s
Nanny - 22 May 2005 09:52 GMT
I'm sure Nikki is hunting voles now, and probably teaching some others how
to do it. I know how you must feel about not being able to be there, as I
couldn't be there too in December when my Emmy ferret had to be released
during an operation.
Wishing you lots of strenght.
Nanny
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope Nikki
>is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an eternal
[quoted text clipped - 32 lines]
> meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for putting
> her throuhg this suffering.
Bridget - 22 May 2005 10:09 GMT
I can always tell when I've grown attached to one of the kitties here
because I cry like crazy when I find out they have gone to the rainbow
bridge. I haven't quit crying for 30 minutes. I can only imagine how
much harder it must be for you Marina. But please don't make this
harder on yourself by beating yourself up over whether you did what was
right for her or not. You were trying your best to give Nikki the best
medical treatment you knew how to get for her. You can't do any better
than that.
Your stories about Nikki made her real to me and I will miss them.
Bridget
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
hobbs - 25 May 2005 12:20 GMT
Please dont blame yourself Marina like some of the others I got
to your post late and had just sent Purrs, when I got to the farewell.
I couldn't believe it, I was already crying, I'm still crying Look, when
my eldest son died,{ misadventure} his brother Phil
beat himself up with, 'if only I'd waited for him to get out of the shower
he would have been with me' this went on for months till I had to get
tough with him,I couldn't let him go on blaming himself for something
that was not his fault, and you mustn't either Marina, You gave Nikki
a wonderful life, and you were trying to help her, we are all grieving
with you
Marina and we all love you, take comfort in the fact that she had a good
life
and a long life,and was very happy with you as her mamma. Love'n Hugs
Jean.
> I can always tell when I've grown attached to one of the kitties here
> because I cry like crazy when I find out they have gone to the rainbow
[quoted text clipped - 46 lines]
> > the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> > putting her throuhg this suffering.
badwilson - 22 May 2005 10:43 GMT
I can't even find the words. I am so, so, so sorry, Marina. I've
been dreading a message like this from you for a while now. Poor
Nikki. But at least it wasn't a long, dragged out illness.
Do they know what the problem was with the new meds? Was she allergic
to them? Please don't beat yourself up about it, there's no way you
could have known and you were only trying to do what's best for your
baby.
Many hugs and purrs and tears,
--
Britta
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." -- Unknown
Check out pictures of Vino at:
http://photos.yahoo.com/badwilson click on the Vino album
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
> hadn't given her the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll
> never forgive myself for putting her throuhg this suffering.
lewe - 22 May 2005 11:18 GMT
Oh Marina, I'm so sorry. I can't read your post right now cause I'm crying
with you. Even if I never met Nikki i feel like I know her from your stories
and pictures. I will picture her in my mind, hunting on the island and
lazying with Frank in the sun.
Soothing head butts from Thea and comforting drooly purrs from Bono.
skritches to Frank and Mere
kram
Lena

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lewe
lewemi at yahoo dot se | cats' pics: photos.yahoo.com/lewemi
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope Nikki
>is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an eternal
[quoted text clipped - 32 lines]
> meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for putting
> her throuhg this suffering.
Yowie - 22 May 2005 11:53 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope Nikki
>is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an eternal
[quoted text clipped - 32 lines]
> meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for putting
> her throuhg this suffering.
Aww, Marina, don't beat yourself up. You were only trying to do what you
thought was best for her, and I"m sure she knows that. It doens't sound like
she suffered.
May she rest in peace.
{{{Marina}}}
Vicky (Yowie)
O J - 22 May 2005 11:56 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
>Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
>eternal summer island.
I certainly can't say one way or the other, but you're right. Nikki
should be playing, hunting, or just sunning on a rock on an island
where it's always summer. I'm so sorry you lost your friend, but I
want you to do something for me. Don't get caught up in wondering if
you caused this by giving her some medication or other. You did the
best you could for your long-time friend. That's what matters.
Purrs for the three of you she left behind.
--
Regards and Purrs,
O J (Old John) Gritmon
Gabey8 - 22 May 2005 12:22 GMT
OMG, Marina! I am so sorry! :o(
Prayers and purrs of condolence to you, Frank, and Mere are en route.
Don't beat yourself up over doing what you were supposed to do and giving
Nikki medicine. Lots of people on here can raise their hands and say "My
cat had a bad reaction to a prescription". If any of us or our respective
TEDs had expected the medicine to cause a problem, TED wouldn't have
prescribed it in the first place and we wouldn't have let him/her
prescribe it.
The best we can do at any given moment is act on the knowledge that we
have, including following the TED's instructions as closely as possible
when we're treating our cats' symptoms. By that score, you were doing your
best to take care of Nikki. Which, I'm sure, she knew all along.
There are going to be people with MMS in all parts of the globe this
morning, once this thread propagates through usenet. I am so, so sorry.
We'll all miss Nikki.
Donna, Captain, and Stanley
Victor Martinez - 22 May 2005 13:57 GMT
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
Marina, you can't blame yourself for this. You were doing what was best
for Nikki, giving her the medication she needed to survive. I know that
at some level, Nikki knew you were doing this for her own good.
You're hurting enough as it is with Nikki's passing, don't increase that
by blaming yourself.
Frank and Mere need you.

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Owned and operated by the Fantastic Seven (TM)
Send your spam here: uce@ftc.gov
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W. Leong - 22 May 2005 13:57 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope Nikki
>is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an eternal
[quoted text clipped - 32 lines]
> meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for putting
> her throuhg this suffering.
I am so sorry. Please don't blame yourself. You gave Nikki a good long life
with you and Frank, and Mere.
Winnie and Russie, who is purring for Nikki's trip to the RB.
Pat - 22 May 2005 14:44 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
> eternal summer island.
What terrible news to wake up to on a Sunday morning. I am so very sorry for
your loss. I know you are not in your right mind when I read "....her
Meowmie only did horrible things to her." C'mon, Marina, you did the best
you could. None of us is perfect. Nikki is at peace.
Debbie Wilson - 22 May 2005 14:56 GMT
> If I hadn't given her
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
You did what you thought was the best for her, on professional advice,
and given the symptoms she had on the old meds alone, you couldn't have
let her go on without doing something - so you took the very best advice
available, even taking her to a specialist vet school. The only time you
could rightly accuse yourself of putting her through suffering is if you
had done nothing at all, and had let her go totally untreated. And that
you didn't do. She would have known you were trying to help her, even
if she spat the pills out, and there's no way of knowing how long she
would have had left even if you hadn't tried the new pills. Try to
forgive yourself because you didn't do anything wrong - put all the
'what-ifs' out of your head, because you are only human, and not also a
fortune-teller, expert vet researcher or pharmacist. Nikki could not
have had a better life than she had with you and Frank and Mere. I think
your plan to take her ashes to the island is a beautiful one. And for
what it's worth, I do believe in an afterlife and I am sure she will be
on that island with you.
Deb xx

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He only bit the ones he loved, because they tasted good." S. Greenfield
Magic Mood Jeep© - 22 May 2005 15:13 GMT
{{{{{{{{{{Marina}}}}}}}}}}
Like everyone else, I say that you musn't blame yourself.
But I also know what you're going through. In Dec '02, we lost Ivy to CRF -
and she was only 8! To this day, there is a nagging thought in the back of
my mind that there was *something* else we could have done to help her.
Gather Frank & Mere and give them lovin' and skritchies.
Nikkie will be waiting for you at the Ranbow Bridge.

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> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on
[quoted text clipped - 36 lines]
> --
> Marina
Christine Burel - 22 May 2005 15:50 GMT
Oh, Marina, yours is the first post I've seen this morning and I am so
terribly sorry to read the news of Nikki's passing. I do know, though,
Marina, you have been an outstanding meowmie to your furkids and you only
did what you thought was best for her. Please don't blame yourself --we do
the best we can and we're not perfect. My heart goes out to you today and
many purrs from my crew of kitties for you, Frank, Mere, and especially, to
honor Nikki at the Rainbow Bridge.
{{{{Marina}}}
hugs and purrs,
Christine, Omar, Oreo, Midnight, Robin & Tucker
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
Kalynnda Berens - 22 May 2005 15:53 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
> eternal summer island.
Marina,
{{{{{HUGS}}}}} Please don't blame yourself - you did what you believed
was best for Nikki. On some level, she knew that. And she definitely
knew that you loved her, for all the years she lived with you.
Second guessing is something we all do, whatever the circumstances of
our loss, when one of our fur children passes. It's human and normal.
With time, you'll remember the good times with Nikki and less about her
passing. She will always have a tuxedo-sized spot in your heart.
Hugs, again, from someone who has been there twice. We all share your
loss, as we all share your joy in Frank and Mere. Let us help you ease
your sorrow. We are here to listen.
Kalynnda, and the seven furries
Catnipped - 22 May 2005 16:01 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
{{{{{{{{{{Marina}}}}}}}}}}
Ohmygawd, Marina - I'm sitting here in tears. This is the first I've seen
that something was wrong with Nikki! I'm so, so sorry. You *must* know
that is was *NOT* your fault! I felt the same way when Bandit's dental
cleaning ending up with burns on 30% of her body - if I had not taken her
for that cleaning she would have been fine. But, like you, I was trying to
do what was best for my baby. There was no way that either of us could have
known that something we were doing for the health and happiness of our baby
would lead to harm. Of course you insisted she take her medication, you
*knew* that she needed to to stay well. I know, of course, that all that
won't make you feel better - people telling me that didn't make me feel
better, but please try to realize this truth.
A candle will be burning to help light Nikki's path to the bridge, and all
our purrs are coming to you to help heal your breaking heart. Nikki lead a
long and happy life because of you, her love will remain in your heart until
you are ready to join her at the bridge.
All our love, huts, and purr-ayers are with you now.
Hugs,
CatNipped
Lorna - 22 May 2005 16:08 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope Nikki
>is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an eternal
>summer island.
Marina - your news is heartbreaking but I hope you will try to stop
tormenting yourself - I read a quote one time something like "Stop beating
yourself up, you did the very best you could with the knowledge you had at
the time". And that's exactly what you were doing - the very best you
could.
The picture you posted of Nikki is wonderful - she appears to have been a
happy cat and was deeply loved - she was fortunate to have such a loving
meowmie - I've enjoyed so much all your anecdotes and photos of your
kitties. My thoughts are with you, Frank, and Mere.............Lorna
Irulan - 22 May 2005 16:19 GMT
oh, Marina, don't blame yourself. You did everything that you thought (knew)
would help her through her illness. Just know that she had a long and happy
life with you. I'm glad you will be able to get her ashes to the island to
stay forever.
Our thoughts and prayers and with you and Franki and Mere.
Lydia & Jazz

Signature
Irulan
from the stars we come
to the stars we return
from now until the end of time
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope Nikki
>is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an eternal
[quoted text clipped - 32 lines]
> meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for putting
> her throuhg this suffering.
Norm - 22 May 2005 16:20 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
> eternal summer island.
My wishes for my RB guys too. Like you I beat myself up for decisions
made on their behalf; I "know" that I did the right thing at the time
but still... Nikki loved you and had a long life. Norm, tears and
candles.
Kreisleriana - 22 May 2005 16:27 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
>Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
>the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
>putting her throuhg this suffering.
Marina, please don't recriminate-- you believed that you were doing
what was best for your girl. My heart goes out to you because my own
little tuxedo girl went suddenly, almost without any warning, and I
was faced with the decision with no preparation-- things happened too
fast to process. You need time now for it all to catch up with you.
And Frank and Mere need lost of love and pettins/skritches-- you will
all help each other heal.
Big powerful purrs from my goofball and me. And I'll think about
Nikki and Mimi plotting some powerful tiny tuxedo mojo at the Bridge.
;)
Theresa
Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh
My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com
~*LiveLoveLaugh*~ - 22 May 2005 17:03 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
Marina...
My heartfelt condolences go out to you and yours.

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¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
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((¸¸.·´ ..·´
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*~*LiveLoveLaugh*~* Aloha!!!!!
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~~Henry David Thoreau
Mogget - 22 May 2005 17:07 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
>Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on
>an eternal summer island.
Oh Marina. I am so sorry. Poor baby. Poor Frank. Poor Mere. Poor
you.
Purrs and prayers for the hole in your heart. I will light a candle for
Nikki to find her way, and another one for you. Nikki was a wonderful
ladycat. May the pain of loss move on swiftly to the bittersweet
pleasure of remembering.

Signature
Mogget
Bill Stock - 22 May 2005 18:19 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope Nikki
>is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an eternal
[quoted text clipped - 32 lines]
> meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for putting
> her throuhg this suffering.
Such sad news Marina. Purrs for you, Frank and Mere.
Don't beat yourself up, you did everything you could for her.
Mischief - 22 May 2005 18:27 GMT
OMG, Nikki!!!
I'm sooooo sorry Marina, I know how much Nikki meant to you. Poor
Mere, and poor Frank!!
Here's a big cyber hug, and major purrs to you and your kitties.
Kristi, Mischief and Imp
glsummer@neptunelink.com - 22 May 2005 18:55 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
>Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
>the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
>putting her throuhg this suffering.
Oh, {{{{{Marina}}}}}, I am so sorry.
Please don't blame yourself. You were only doing what you thought was
best for your baby, and I'm sure Nikki knew that. You were a good
cat mommy in trying to help her feel better.
Gentle purrs for Nikki's journey, and for you, Marina, in this time of
pain.
Blessings,
Ginger-lyn
very sad
Home Pages:
http://www.spiritrealm.com/summer/
http://www.angelfire.com/folk/glsummer (homepage & cats)
http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~summer/index.htm (genealogy)
http://www.movieanimals.bravehost.com/ (The Violence Against
Animals in Movies Website)
Caroline S. - 22 May 2005 19:09 GMT
Marina,
My heart is so sad for you and Frank and Mere. You gave Nikki a
wonderful life (how many cats have their own island!). She will be
sorely missed, but also fondly remembered by everyone in this NG, and so
she lives on in our hearts.
Hugs and tears,
Caroline S.
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
Katiri - 22 May 2005 19:53 GMT
Marina,
I am very sorry to read this.
Gentle crossing, sweet lady cat, with candles lighting your way.
EvelynVogtGamble(Divamanque) - 22 May 2005 20:01 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
Don't beat yourself up over it, Marina. You did what you
thought was best for her. All of us live with our own "what
if?"s (more and more of them, as we grow older) but in most
cases we'd probably make the same decisions, given a second
chance (and no knowledge of the future).
Judith Latham - 22 May 2005 20:05 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
> eternal summer island.
Snipped...
> Should I have gone to the vet school to say goodbye? But Nikki was
> unsconscious and wouldn't have benefitted in any way. Going there to say
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
Marina don't blame yourself. You were doing what you thought best. We all
have these feelings of guilt in such circumstances. I know I'm feeling
them but we can only do our best. You did that! Don't you doubt it!
She was with you anyway she didn't need you physically there at the vets.
Judith
Prayers for you and Nikki.
Judith

Signature
Judith Latham
Stourbridge, West Midlands. UK.
CATherine - 22 May 2005 21:04 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
>Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
>the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
>putting her throuhg this suffering.
Please do not feel guilty. You were only trying to help her. You had
no idea the medicine would hurt her. Our furbabies trust us with their
very lives and when something goes wrong like this, we can't help but
feel guilty, that we let them down. Many of us have been through this
and share your pain. I love you, Marina. I am sending soul-deep purrs
and hugs.
--
CATherine
polonca12000 - 22 May 2005 21:32 GMT
<in tears> I'm so so sorry for your loss, Marina. You were the best meowmie
Nikki could wish for. In a way Nikki will always be with you.
Lots and lots of hugs and purrs,

Signature
Polonca & Soncek
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
Tanadashoes - 22 May 2005 22:28 GMT
Oh Marina,
How could you have known that she'd have a reaction to the new medicine?
You did the best you could for her and are doing everything you can for
her now. Please don't beat yourself up anymore. Frand and Mere will need
you now more than ever.
Pam S.
Shirley - 22 May 2005 22:41 GMT
{{{{{{Marina}}}}}}

Signature
Shirley
http://community.webshots.com/user/shirleycatuk
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
>Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on
[quoted text clipped - 34 lines]
> hadn't given her the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll
> never forgive myself for putting her throuhg this suffering.
jepo - 22 May 2005 23:00 GMT
Purrs and tears from forever soul sister.
Kid.
Hopitus - 23 May 2005 00:09 GMT
Marina....anteeksi.....anteeksi for your loss of your sweet-faced girl. You
gave her the best life she could have had anywhere and long did she live.
Please remember your good times with her and don't blame yourself for her
going to the RB, and please comfort Frank who *will* miss her, too. Nikki
knew she was very much loved and cherished; please remember that.
> Purrs and tears from forever soul sister.
>
> Kid.
SuzQ - 23 May 2005 00:20 GMT
Marina, I'm so very sorry this happened. Even from Massachusetts I felt I
knew Nikki. She was such a fearless little cat. You took wonderful care of
her, unfornuately cats like people vary, not all meds work for all cats.
You did what you thought was best. You loved her uncondtionally, that is
so special.
{[[[[[[hugs&purrs}]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
Suz&Spicey
Dan and Nancy Mahoney - 23 May 2005 00:28 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
> eternal summer island.
I do. And for me, the Rainbow Bridge ismore than just a poem.
> Should I have gone to the vet school to say goodbye? But Nikki was
> unsconscious and wouldn't have benefitted in any way. Going there to say
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
I doubt that she would have been aware that you were there. And there is
nothing that you need to forgive yourself for, Marina. You were taking
the advice of veterinary professionals, as we are supposed to do. You
were doing your absolute best for Nikki, trying to assure that she would
be as healthy as it was possible for her to be. There was absolutely no
way you could have known or expected that she would have an adverse
reaction to the new meds.
Our kitties are aware. I'm sure that Nikki knew you were pilling her
because you loved her. And I'm sure that Nikki doesn't blame you for
what happened.
Our purrs are enroute for Nikki's journey to the RB to be a peaceful
one, and for you, Frank, and Mere to heal quickly.
Dan
Melissa Houle - 23 May 2005 07:10 GMT
> Our kitties are aware. I'm sure that Nikki knew you were pilling her
> because you loved her. And I'm sure that Nikki doesn't blame you for
> what happened.
Marina, I'll just add this. I've never met a cat YET that appreciated being
pilled! Certainly Pan doesn't appreciate HIS pills, and he and I have had
MANY battles over this since he started taking regular medication last year.
But I pilling him anyway, because I see how much better his general
condition has been since he's been taking it. And YOU believed you would
help Nikki by giving her the new meds. How many comic strips have we all
seen about rooms in a state of wreckage, and owners half-scratched to death
when they tried to administer the medicine? Nikki spat out the pill because
that is what cats DO. I'm sure she had no thoughts that you intended her
harm. We do the best we can with the information available to us. But I'll
grant you, it's terribly hard to let Nikki go, even for those of us who were
not privileged to know her in person.
(((hugs)))
Melissa
Helen Miles - 23 May 2005 00:45 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
> eternal summer island.////
I've just got home after being away for a few days and read this.
{{{{{{{MARINA}}}}}}}}}}
OH Marina. There is nothing I can say, apart from I share your grief and
am sitting here in floods of tears crying with you.
We have lit a candle for Nikki's safe passage to the bridge and are
thinking of you.
Helen M
mlbriggs - 23 May 2005 01:02 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope Nikki
> is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an eternal
[quoted text clipped - 32 lines]
> meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for putting
> her throuhg this suffering.
"...Rise up slowly, Angel. It's hard to let you go..."
Sincere condolences in the passing of Nikki. MLB
Elise - 23 May 2005 01:09 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
> eternal summer island.
{{{{{Marina}}}}}
Purrs of comfort for your loss.
I'm sure she's teaching all the other kitties at the Rainbow Bridge the
proper vole hunting technique

Signature
Elise (supervised by Gossamer & Jeeves)
pics: http://photos.yahoo.com/dragonandthistle@snet.net
Sam Nash - 23 May 2005 01:32 GMT
<snipped>
> Should I have gone to the vet school to say goodbye? But Nikki was
> unsconscious and wouldn't have benefitted in any way. Going there to say
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for putting
> her throuhg this suffering.
Marina, please don't beat yourself up in any way about how you handled the
situation. You absolutely did everything that was in your power and
judgement to make her better. Comforting purrs for you, Frank, and Mere
continuing from here.
Sam. closely supervised by Mistletoe
Fuga :o\) - 23 May 2005 02:00 GMT
Oh no :(. I am so sorry. What a shock.
lots love to you and the kitties.
fuga
Jeanne Hedge - 23 May 2005 02:25 GMT
I am so sorry to hear about Nikki. ;_;
Jeanne Hedge, as directed by Natasha
============
http://www.jhedge.com
catzr555 - 23 May 2005 02:55 GMT
Marina so sory to hear about Nikki. Please don't blame yourself. The
saddest words in the any lanquage is "What IF".
cora
Lucys Mom - 23 May 2005 03:49 GMT
Oh Marina!!! I'm so very sorry!! Please don't blame yourself...Like
many others have said, I'm absolutely positive that Nikki knew you were
only trying to help her. I'm sure she's now giving hunting lessons to
our Shadow, who found a mouse in the house once and wasn't quite sure
what to do with it...
I've lit a candle to help light her way to the RB, scented with calming
lavender for you. We'll be keeping you and Nikki in our purrayers.
--Kim and Lucy
Margaret Fine - 23 May 2005 04:12 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
Marina, we were all deeply saddened to hear of Nikki's passing. Our
thoughts are with you, Frank, and Mere.

Signature
Margaret Fine
mefine@mindspring.com
Melissa Houle - 23 May 2005 06:49 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 36 lines]
> --
> Marina
Dear Marina,
I am SO sorry to hear that Nikki has left you and left us. She was a great
and wonderful cat, and they simply don't come with more personality than she
had. What makes me even sadder than her death is the thought that you blame
yourself for it and are giving yourself a bad time over it, when you most
need to be kind to yourself. I'm sure Nikki knew you loved her all her
life, and that she was a very lucky cat. You gave her the medicine in the
belief that it would help her. Your vet must have also believed it would
help her, and gave it to you in good faith. It's terribly sad that it did
not. We can't foresee every variable. Nikki was after all a long-lived cat,
and her lease on life may have been nearly done. Perhaps this episode may
have given her a more merciful end than she might otherwise have had. I'll
grant you, there is never a good day to lose a beloved animal. I've given
Panther an extra long caressing session tonight, as he and Nikki were close
contemporaries.
((((((Hugs))))))
Love Frank, and Love Mere, and honor the memory of Nikki. Try to think of
her having a wonderful time on the summer island, young and vigorous, again.
Remember how she loved being on the Island throughout the years. MY cats
have never had such a wonderful summer holiday! =o) Think of how she became
Mere's stepmother and taught her the fine points of what a young cat should
know. But please... don't beat yourself up over this. It won't help Nikki
or yourself, and it will worry Frank and Mere.
Melissa
Julie Cook - 23 May 2005 15:13 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
Marina,
I'm just now catching up after the weekend and my heart just hurts so
much for you and Nikki and Frank. I feel privileged to have "known"
Nikki for so many years and she will remain in my heart forever. She
knew love and care her entire life and you were doing the best you could
for her during a difficult time. You shouldn't blame yourself for her
reaction to the medication and you rushed her to healhcare as quickly as
you could when you knew she was in trouble. You and Frank are going to
miss her terribly, and Mere will as well I would think, but I hope that
soon the grief will turn to happier memories of the times you spent
together. We shall light a candle in her memory and send purrs and
gentle headbutts to all of you.
Julie, Hobbes, Selena, Lacey, Sam and Barnabus
Singh - 23 May 2005 15:49 GMT
What a beautiful tribute to one so loved.
To commit her ashes to the island is a wonderful way to honor her. It is
like returning her earthly self back to Luonnotar, Mother Nature Herself,
that she may be in a beloved place forever; and her essence and memory
remain and will remain as long as you yourself have breath.
Blessed be,
Baha
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 36 lines]
> --
> Marina
Susan M - 23 May 2005 16:22 GMT
> They are going to cremate her at the vet school and send me the ashes. I
> am going to sprinkle them out on the island this summer, so my darling
> Nikki will be on her beloved island forever. I'm glad I'd had that planned
> for a long time now for my cats, because I wouldn't have been able to make
> any decisions when I talked to the vet.
{{{{{{{{Marina}}}}}}}} - I just logged on for the first time in days. Nikki
has been such a special kitty for me as I've read all of your stories over
the years. It also jumps off the page the level of love and devotion and
connection that you have with your cats. I know that this must be *so* hard
for you and I'm sending you my best thoughts of peace and healing.
As for what ifs - you've saved her life ten time over by the care that
you've taken in watching her health and giving her her meds. You've
agonized over how to give her her meds and many people would have given up
before figuring out the sour cream and having the patience to monitor their
food/medicine intake. You've done everything for her out of your love and
dedication to her.
Take very good care,
Susan M
Otis and Chester
Gennie - 23 May 2005 16:41 GMT
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Marina}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
My heart is breaking for you!
Nikki lived a long and happy life, a much loved and special cat.
In tears,
Gennie and =^..^= Marietta
Karen - 24 May 2005 01:34 GMT
> Should I have gone to the vet school to say goodbye? But Nikki was
> unsconscious and wouldn't have benefitted in any way. Going there to say
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
> putting her throuhg this suffering.
Oh MARINA!!! I am so so sorry to hear this. I know exactly how you feel
because I still feel bad not being with Grant. Not giving him a real
goodbye, but it IS for us. We can only do our best on the advice we are
given. All I can do is send hugs and pray for your heart to heal and for you
to NOT blame yourself. ((((((hugs))))))) and tears
Karen AKA Kajikit - 24 May 2005 02:53 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
>Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
>eternal summer island.
Marina, I'm so sorry :(

Signature
~Karen aka Kajikit
Crafts, cats, and chocolate - the three essentials of life
http://www.kajikitscorner.com
Jane - 24 May 2005 12:25 GMT
Marina, please don't blame yourself! You did nothing wrong. You only
did what any wonderful loving momma would do, and tried to take care
of beloved Nikki. She's at the Rainbow Bridge now, playing and
waiting for her mommy. She knew she was well-loved.
Jane
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
>Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
>eternal summer island.
~jag~ - 24 May 2005 12:41 GMT
>Should I have gone to the vet school to say goodbye? But Nikki was
>unsconscious and wouldn't have benefitted in any way. Going there to say
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
>putting her throuhg this suffering.
Marina,
You did nothing wrong, the medicine was prescribed by the vetrenarian,
not you. You had no way of knowing what the meds would do and Nikki
sure didn't (she just knew she didn't like meds period nor do our
girls). All you did is what any good mewomie would do, mkae sure that
your fur children were cared for even if it meant inflicting nasty
medicines on her.
You are a good meowmie to all of your fur kids.
john.karen and the girls
Helen Wheels - 24 May 2005 13:29 GMT
> I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
> Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
> eternal summer island.
Dear Marina
I'm so sorry to hear that Nikki is gone. I felt like I knew her, like so
many others here. You did everything you could for her. You loved her so
well, and she knows it.
I wish there was something I could say that would ease your pain. We
understand and care.
Ingold - 24 May 2005 20:11 GMT
>I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, I hope
>Nikki is now young and healthy and breathing freely, hunting voles on an
[quoted text clipped - 33 lines]
>the new meds, she'd still be here with me. I'll never forgive myself for
>putting her throuhg this suffering.
I'm so very, very sorry to hear that Nikki has gone to the Rainbow Bridge.
It seems as if I've been reading Frank and Nikki stories for as long as I can
remember, but in fact I only found this group 4 or 5 years ago.
Still, I remember so well reading of Frank and Nikki's many adventures,
especially on the island.
And I love the pictures you posted of Frank and Nikki; I have a very special
place in my heart for tuxedo kitties, as I have a RB tuxedo kitty, Lucky, who
went to the Bridge after 16 wonderful years with me.
Many, many purrs coming your way for your broken heart to heal soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it; but while I drink I see
the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but
eternity remains. -Thoreau
"Life without cats would be only marginally worth living."
-TC, and the unmercifully, relentlessly, sweet calico kitty, Kenzie.
gracecatt@gmail.com - 24 May 2005 23:04 GMT
Oh Marina.. *hugs* I'm so sorry.
Cheryl - 25 May 2005 13:36 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear this. Don't blame yourself - you were doing your
best to care for her, and you gave her a long happy life.
Cheryl
Mishi - 25 May 2005 02:03 GMT
Marina,
I am so sorry to hear about Nikki! I visited her last photos, and they were
beautiful. I firmly believe in an afterlife, and I know she will be there
waiting for you.
Peace,
Patti
"May you see with eyes of light in everdark, may your mind walk free and
unfettered amongst all, touching wisely and well, may you go in peace."
Gayle Greeno - "Mindspeaker's Call"
Marina - 27 May 2005 19:20 GMT
I received the bill for Nikki's treatment, and the vet had included a
summary of what she'd done for Nikki. It did state that her fit might
have been due to the new medication, but that it might also have been
caused by a brain tumour, and that it may have been a coincidence that
she had the fit now, a few days after we started the new medicine. Of
course, an autopsy could have given more info, but it wouldn't have
brought Nikki back anyway, and I was crying so hard when the vet called
that I could hardly talk, much less think ahead about autopsies and such.

Signature
Marina, Frank and Mere. In loving memory of Nikki.
marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi
Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/
and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki
Karen - 27 May 2005 19:26 GMT
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Marina}}}}}}}}}}}}
> I received the bill for Nikki's treatment, and the vet had included a
> summary of what she'd done for Nikki. It did state that her fit might
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> brought Nikki back anyway, and I was crying so hard when the vet called
> that I could hardly talk, much less think ahead about autopsies and such.
Adrian - 27 May 2005 20:30 GMT
> I received the bill for Nikki's treatment, and the vet had included a
> summary of what she'd done for Nikki. It did state that her fit might
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
> called that I could hardly talk, much less think ahead about
> autopsies and such.
It will take a while. Hugs and purrs.

Signature
Adrian (Owned by Snoopy & Bagheera)
A house is not a home, without a cat.
Sheenah - 27 May 2005 21:28 GMT
> I received the bill for Nikki's treatment,
Marina,
I hope that what I am about to say does not come across as being an
insensitive thing to say. The last thing I want to do is cause you more
pain. The reason why I am sharing the news that Thalia also had
hyperthyrodism and asthma, was given a new med for her asthma and a few
days after starting it had a fit, is because from this experience I
acquired some info that I think is of value.
After Thalia had her fit, her vet immediately stopped her new med and
decided that from then on he ought to regularly check her blood
pressure. If I correctly remember what he said when he told me that
that was what he wanted to do, hyperthroidism increases blood pressure.
When my vet discovered while checking Thalia when she was coming round
from her fit that her blood pressure was dangerously high, he
immediately put her onto Istin. He then decided that it was important
to check Thalia's bp every three months, This he did. He adjusted her
Istin dose when necessary and also did not again prescribe for her the
med that he had given her for her asthma but rather kept treating it
with oral Prednisolone. Thalia hated taking her meds and therefore for
a short time my vet and I decided to try treating her asthma with an
inhaled med. That proved to be an impossible task :^) As soon as I
tried to get the inhaler over Thalia's nose and mouth, she freaked out.
Happily, the course of action my vet decided to take after Thalia had
her fit, resulted in her never again having a fit.
If what I have shared proves to be of value to Frank or to someone
else's cat, than I will have good reason for thinking that it was right
for me to say what I have..
Love
Sheenah
polonca12000 - 28 May 2005 16:51 GMT
We are thinking of you, sending lots of purrs. Nikki will live in rpca
memory forever, being a special cat in so many ways, her courage and hunting
skills are unsurpassed.
Lots of hugs,

Signature
Polonca & Soncek
> I received the bill for Nikki's treatment, and the vet had included a
> summary of what she'd done for Nikki. It did state that her fit might
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> brought Nikki back anyway, and I was crying so hard when the vet called
> that I could hardly talk, much less think ahead about autopsies and such.