It's just paper. But how can there be so much paper on a half-empty roll
of toilet paper?

Last night I awoke to the sounds of terrible carnage (paper-age?) in the
loo. I refused to open my eyes and pulled a pillow over my head. The
noise came closer. I heard something swoosh by the bed, some scuffling
on the floor, and then it continued through the sliding door into the
living room.

Sighing, I opened my eyes and sat up to see what was happening.
Something white gleamed in the dusk. It came through the door from the
hallway and continued through my bedroom and out the sliding door.

Mere was bravely fighting the huge white snake in the living room. It
would seem that it jumped off the TP holder, Mere tried to stop it and
fought it in the loo, but then it got away into the hallway, continued
into my bedroom, where Mere again tried to bunny-kick it into
submission. But it got away again, and fled into the living room, where
Mere was finally able to subdue it. Then big bad Meowmie came and took
away her mighty prey, rolled it all up and put it into the cabinet in
the loo.

Yes, I'm stingy enough that I'm going to use the paper. At least I can
be sure that it won't rear its ugly head and bite me in the bum.