I went to the memorial service yesterday.  It was a beautiful UU
service, with many of his friends getting up to speak about what he
meant to them.  There were heart-wrenching stories, and laughter both.

The hard part for me was finding out what I had suspected, but did not
know for sure.  Phil committed suicide.

He was bipolar, and had wrestled with it all his life.  Occasionally,
he would get frustrated at having to take the meds, and would go off
them, prompting a manic phase.  The last one, about three years ago,
was pretty bad, and by the time he got back on his meds, depression
had gripped him pretty badly, and he never quite got out of that one.
On top of that, he had the heart surgery last year, so his health was
not good, either.

They were very open at the service about the manner of his death and
his struggle with his illness, and I think that was a wonderful thing
for the family to allow.  Phil was, as the minister said, a "wounded
healer".  He spent most of his life as a social worker, helping others
through their pain.  Yet no one could help him through his in the end.

I last saw him last summer, and knew he was very low.  I hugged him,
and told him to call me, that I was always there to listen if he
needed me.  He never called.  And I wish I had.  I know I probably
would have made no difference in his decision; but at least I could
have tried.

Phil was a generous, kind person most of the time.  And he loved cats.
His most beloved cat was named Squeaker, and was an orange tabby who
was the sweetest, gentlest guy.  My Internet reminds me so much of
Squeaker, I have to wonder if he is his reincarnation.  When Phil
would come over and sit down, Internet would curl up in his lap, and
he doesn't do that for anyone else but us.

This is so hard, and so devastating.  His son and wife are still
trying to deal with it all, as you can imagine.  His son put up a
quick website with some photos which is here:

http://palmerrothman.com/phil/

I will be adding to it shortly.

I will miss him.  He was a good man and a good friend.

A toast to you, Phil.  L'Chaim!

Ginger-lyn

Home Pages:
 http://www.spiritrealm.com/summer/
 http://www.angelfire.com/folk/glsummer (homepage & cats)
 http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~summer/index.htm (genealogy)
 http://www.i-love-cats.com/meow/glsummer/ (The Violence Against
                        Animals in Movies Website)