To celebrate that, for the first time in several weeks, I have 0 unread
posts on rpca, I asked Frank if he wouldn't like to continue his life
story. He was a little reluctant at first, finding my bed and his
favourite blankie so very comfortable in our cold, cold neck of the
woods, but I told him he could dicate from the bed and I would write it
down for him. So here is what he wanted to talk about.
______________________________

In my last instalment, I wanted to talk more about my favourite place on
earth, our summer island, but got sidetracked on the subject of the
Great Litterbox Outdoors. The island is what I dream about all winter,
when I lay on the bed and the hoomin just thinks I'm lazy. Well, it used
to be the only thing I dreamed about. Until a few years back.

At that time, my hoomin got a new job - good thing she did, because now
she can afford to feed us proper food instead of the cheap stuff she
gave us while she was a student. If you ask me, all this hoomin studying
and science stuff is just nonsense. Hoomins are so incredibly nosy, they
have to poke and pry into all kinds of things that are none of their
business. they should just bow down to the fact that cats already know
everything, and settle for being our humble servants, as they are
supposed to. Of course, we cats poke and pry into everything, but that
is our birthright. Hoomins don't need all this knowledge. No one needs
all this knowledge. It's enough to find a good sunny spt to sleep in,
chase a few greeblings while you're still a young 'un, eat a nice meal
now and then. Hoomins shouldn't bother their not-so-pretty little heads
with all that science stuff.

Anyway, as I was saying, the hoomin had a new job, and some kind soul
there showed how to access newsgroups. This opened up a whole new world
for her, and most imprtantly, put me into contact with cats around the
world. This was exactly the kind of communication channel I needed as
backup, whenever I had trouble calling the Mothership.

But the most precious discovery was yet to come. My hoomin told me about
a very independent, strong and wonderful ladycat whose hoomin posted on
rpca. This ladycat even had her own company, with her own sweet face on
the letterheads and all. Her name still sends thrills down my spine;
Waffles. At first, she would have nothing to do with me. She said she
was too busy for love. But I kept at it, and then finally, I got a
reaction from her. My hoomin had written about a very trying visit to
The Evil Doctor (more about those in another instalment), and suddenly
Waffles was all concern for me. Well, I hadn't wanted to look like a
wimp, but I'll admit I overplayed the part of suffering patient a bit,
until I knew she really cared for me.

Now I have been the proud boyfriend of the most beautiful ladycat in the
world for several years. Every once in a while, we teleport over to
visit each other, but I can't tell you what goes on when we meet. This
is a family-oriented newsgroup, after all (hoomin note: and I wouldn't
have written down anything smutty anyway, Frank). Let's just say that
sparks fly when we meet.

PS The hoomin is talking about this big surprise she has for me and
Nikki later next week. Anyone have any idea what that is about? I hope
it's something nice, like shrimpies or ham. Mmm, ham...