 |
 | Home | Contact Us | FAQ | Search & Site Map | Link to Us |
 | Sign In | Join | Other 45 Sites in Network |
| HomeDiscussion GroupsGeneral TopicsCat AnecdotesHealth and BehaviorRescue CatKB.com Contact UsLink To UsSearch & Site Map |
Cat Forum / Cat Anecdotes / March 2005Hi, I have been lurking and would like to post
My real name is Stacy but my daughter's friends have dubbed me the kitty lady. I am currently owned by 1 housecat, but we have 6 feral cats that come by daily to eat. I guess I should introduce them first before I ask my question. My indoor owner is Sassafras she is a DSH, we call her Sassy for short, Sassy is almost 9 years old now. Now Sylvester and Tweedy are my friendliest feral's , sometimes they will even let you stroke them. My daughter's think that the other 4 are all litter mates but who really knows. I think that Sylvester and Tweedy are around 4 or 5 years old, and show all the battle scars of being what we call the "Head Toms of the neighborhood". My question is this, my Sassafras is not fixed, and she has never been outside since I have been owned by her (4 years now).Please do not yell at me for this but my husband refuses to pay for what he calls an unnecessary surgery. I have tried to convince him that it is necessary but he won't listen to me. When she does come in to heat it may last a couple of days and then usually all will go back to normal. She had a heat earlier in the week and now it appears that her attitude has changed considerably. She is usually a very loving little lady, but yesterday she started biting anyone who tries to pet her or reach for her. She is eating well, drinking and paying her water and sewer bills normally. Does anyone here know why she may be acting like this, and does any one here know of a way that I can convince my husband that it is necessary for her to be fixed? She had a heat earlier in the week > and now it appears that her attitude has changed considerably. She is > usually a very loving little lady, but yesterday she started biting > anyone who tries to pet her or reach for her./// Get her to the vet. It is entirely possible that her heat has resulted in her having a pyometra which is a womb infection. She needs to be checked out ASAP. As for persuading your husband to get her fixed, there are hundreds of health considerations which affect an unneutered cat. Helen M > Get her to the vet. It is entirely possible that her heat has resulted > in her having a pyometra which is a womb infection. She needs to be [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > Helen M I second this. Pyometra and mammary tumors can occur in unspayed females. Can you find a low-cost spay/neuter clinic in your area?  Signature-Kelly kelly at farringtons dot net "Wake up, and smell the cat food" -TMBG > She had a heat earlier in the week > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > As for persuading your husband to get her fixed, there are hundreds of > health considerations which affect an unneutered cat. In a way, if she has an infection, it might be lucky. You could convince your hisband that a hysterectomy is necessary in order to treat it. (Or is he another heartless bastard like my one brother, whose reaction was always "If it costs more than 'x' dollars, it's cheaper to put it to sleep"?) > Helen M > She had a heat earlier in the week >> and now it appears that her attitude has changed considerably. She is [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >As for persuading your husband to get her fixed, there are hundreds of >health considerations which affect an unneutered cat. Also, it is worth checking into any low cost neutering available in your area. We're lucky here (Lawton Oklahoma) in that there is a non profit clinic here which does neutering for a fraction of what it costs at a regular clinic. Second - hope to hear more from you about your cats -both Sassy and those outdoor kitties. SignatureSteve Touchstone, faithful servant of Sammy and Little Bit stouchst@JUNKsirinet.net [remove Junk for email] Home Page: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/index.html Cat Pix: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/animals.html > My question is this, my Sassafras is not fixed, and she has never been > outside since I have been owned by her (4 years now).Please do not yell > at me for this but my husband refuses to pay for what he calls an > unnecessary surgery. I have tried to convince him that it is necessary > but he won't listen to me.// I'm assuming the issue is one of cost too? It may be worth checking with your local rescue organisations to see whether they have a subsidized neuter/spay clinic. If they do, it would be worth trying to get your feral fixed too. Thats what I don't understand, I was able to find a place that will fix the ferals for free, and the same place will fix Sassy for 30.00 but my husband still says it is unneccessary. It drives me nuts, I think it hurts her to be in heat, she meows so loudly, and just the look in her face is one of pain. He insist that she is fine, that it is normal, etc. I will call the vet today for an appointment, and I will print your reply (if that is okay) and show it to my husband. Thank you. > Thats what I don't understand, I was able to find a place that will fix > the ferals for free, and the same place will fix Sassy for 30.00 but my [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > etc. I will call the vet today for an appointment, and I will print > your reply (if that is okay) and show it to my husband. Thank you./// So are the ferals fixed then? Also, to add to your argument for spaying and neutering Sassy, have a look at http://maxshouse.com/spaying_and_neutering.htm That'll help with the benefits of spaying. Helen M $30.00?????? Man, I'm sorry, but I would have a REAL problem not getting her spayed if you can get it for that price. Is you husband just being a control freak over the issue? > Thats what I don't understand, I was able to find a place that will fix > the ferals for free, and the same place will fix Sassy for 30.00 but my [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > etc. I will call the vet today for an appointment, and I will print > your reply (if that is okay) and show it to my husband. Thank you. > Thats what I don't understand, I was able to find a place that will fix > the ferals for free, and the same place will fix Sassy for 30.00 but my [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > etc. I will call the vet today for an appointment, and I will print > your reply (if that is okay) and show it to my husband. Thank you. Yes, it does hurt. It's extremely uncomfortable for a cat to go through heat repeatedly. If it were me, I would just go get the cat spayed and not tell my husband. I know that's wrong to keep secrets and such, but sheesh! We're talking about the health and well-being of a living creature! Signature-Kelly kelly at farringtons dot net "Wake up, and smell the cat food" -TMBG > and now it appears that her attitude has changed considerably. She is > usually a very loving little lady, but yesterday she started biting [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > of a way that I can convince my husband that it is necessary for her to > be fixed? She may be in pain if she started biting when people try to touch her. She needs to be examined by a vet. You know your husband better than we do, and you know what kind of evidence he would accept. There is a lot of information available about the benefits to the cat of not going into heat so frequently. If he doesn't believe what he reads on the Internet or in books, perhaps he could discuss the issue with a vet. SignatureCheryl Hi Stacy the Kitty Lady. :) I don't know that much about this stuff. I always just routinely get my cats fixed. But doesn't your husband mind dealing w/Sassy's behavior when she's in heat? I understand it's not real pleasant. :( And even if she's not normally one to try to run out the door, she might try sometime when she's in heat, in order to try to satisfy her urges. If she got out, that would be automatic kittens. Katz I do not work so I am home with her, so that helps to keep her in. It drives me nuts when she is in heat but no comments come from him. I just don't get it. Could be he forgets were we live at times. Sorry let me stop before I rant. > I do not work so I am home with her, so that helps to keep her in. It > drives me nuts when she is in heat but no comments come from him. I > just don't get it. Could be he forgets were we live at times. Sorry let > me stop before I rant. Welcome to the group! As far as fixing, Max's House (the site that Helen M posted) has a lot of great reasons that ought to help in the convincing area. $30 for spaying is fantastic! When I had Katie fixed, it was $110. Luckily, I had a $45 discount from the shelter, but still.... Also, how does your husband feel about the ferals? Where does he think *they* came from? Unneutered pets, most likely, and a good half of those were probably owned by people that never thought their cat would get outside. That's not a comment on you, it's just that our furry friends can be *very* determined when they want to be, and even quite slippery at times. So, aside from the possible addition of more unwanted creatures in the world, there are also the health issues, and, as Helen pointed out, that might be why you've noticed a marked change in her behavior after this last heat. Another possible way of looking at it, $30 is two oil changes which could be done at home, vs the health of the animal and the possibility of creating more. In any case, welcome to one of the nicest groups on the 'net, and thanks for watching out for those ferals. Hopefully we'll see more about 'em in the future. Purrs- Chris (mostly a lurker on the group), Tripper, Katie, and Hazard I took Sassy to the vet yesterday (I called my daddy and turned on the tears) one of her nipples is infected, so he started her on 10 days of antibiotics. Sassy has an appointment to be spayed on Wednesday. I tried telling my husband why it was important to have her fixed and he would not hear it. Thanks everyone for the advice. >I took Sassy to the vet yesterday (I called my daddy and turned on the >tears) one of her nipples is infected, so he started her on 10 days of >antibiotics. Sassy has an appointment to be spayed on Wednesday. I >tried telling my husband why it was important to have her fixed and he >would not hear it. Thanks everyone for the advice. Purrs for Sassy to get better. Sorry about husband, but when Sassy is all better, and happy, and NOT yowling and sticking her butt in everyone's faces, you will be very glad you went ahead and did this. And Sassy certainly will. Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com >I took Sassy to the vet yesterday (I called my daddy and turned on the > tears) one of her nipples is infected, so he started her on 10 days of > antibiotics. Sassy has an appointment to be spayed on Wednesday. I > tried telling my husband why it was important to have her fixed and he > would not hear it. Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm glad to hear she's getting spayed. That's great! Maybe take hubby along to drop her off and have him speak with the vet if he's still not getting it. Signature-Kelly kelly at farringtons dot net "Wake up, and smell the cat food" -TMBG >> I took Sassy to the vet yesterday (I called my daddy and turned on the >> tears) one of her nipples is infected, so he started her on 10 days of [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > along to drop her off and have him speak with the vet if he's still not > getting it. I have a feeling that would be of no use. > I took Sassy to the vet yesterday (I called my daddy and turned on the > tears) one of her nipples is infected, so he started her on 10 days of > antibiotics. Sassy has an appointment to be spayed on Wednesday. I > tried telling my husband why it was important to have her fixed and he > would not hear it. Thanks everyone for the advice. Yippee! Good for you & Sassy. I'm proud of you & happy for all of you. :) katz > I took Sassy to the vet yesterday (I called my daddy and turned on the > tears) one of her nipples is infected, so he started her on 10 days of > antibiotics. Sassy has an appointment to be spayed on Wednesday. I > tried telling my husband why it was important to have her fixed and he > would not hear it. Thanks everyone for the advice. Well, I am glad you are getting her fixed. If your husband loves you he will just accept that it is done. It is no skin off his back if the cat is fixed or not. Just don't quite understand that part of things. Very good luck to you. Lots of purrs and best wishes, SignaturePolonca & Soncek > I took Sassy to the vet yesterday (I called my daddy and turned on the > tears) one of her nipples is infected, so he started her on 10 days of > antibiotics. Sassy has an appointment to be spayed on Wednesday. I > tried telling my husband why it was important to have her fixed and he > would not hear it. Thanks everyone for the advice. Sorry about my harsh response earlier. Your husband's control-freakish behavior really hit a nerve with me, as someone who used to be in a borderline-abusive relationship. Mazel Tov! Congratulations! Sassy is going to be so much easier to live with once her heat cycles stop. Has the vet spoken to you about how long she will stay at the clinic and what to expect after the surgery? Remember: The animals were here first; we have to take care of them. PixieDust413 > I took Sassy to the vet yesterday (I called my daddy and turned on the > tears) one of her nipples is infected, so he started her on 10 days of > antibiotics. Sassy has an appointment to be spayed on Wednesday. I > tried telling my husband why it was important to have her fixed and he > would not hear it. Thanks everyone for the advice. Good for you! A $30 spay is much less expensive than raising a couple of batches (or more - they can have 2 litters per year) of unwanted kittens. -L. > My question is this, my Sassafras is not fixed, and she has never been > outside since I have been owned by her (4 years now).Please do not yell > at me for this but my husband refuses to pay for what he calls an > unnecessary surgery. I have tried to convince him that it is necessary > but he won't listen to me. Hi, Stacy! Please don't take this the wrong way, but this is a prime example of why I couldn't imagine relying on my husband to support me financially. DH and I don't even share bank accounts; we each have our own account and an agreement to discuss large expenses before going out and spending money. Don't you get any discretionary money at all? I'm assuming that you do the job of raising your kid(s) and taking care of the house; do you also get veto rights on anything your husband wants to spend money on? Seems to me that everyone needs a stash of their own money. There are too many "what ifs." If you don't have money, you don't have power. What if your husband turned out to be abusive to you or the kids? Okay, I'll stop now. None of my business. But that one paragraph sends chills down my spine. You shouldn't have to ask permission to get your cat standard medical treatment. Actually, I just thought of an argument you could use. Yesterday on Emergency Vet, there was an unspayed 8yo large dog who had to have emergency surgery for pyometria (sp?), which is when the uterus becomes infected and filled with pus. The surgery was $1500. This can happen to cats, too, and other problems can also occur that wouldn't if there were no uterus present. A spay is pretty cheap when a cat is still young and healthy. Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca > > My question is this, my Sassafras is not fixed, and she has never been > > outside since I have been owned by her (4 years now).Please do not yell > > at me for this but my husband refuses to pay for what he calls an > > unnecessary surgery. I have tried to convince him that it is necessary > > but he won't listen to me. Welcome to the group! I would say, would your husband let you get Sassafras spayed if you were to pay for it yourself? You could take on some odd jobs like babysitting, sell things on ebay, or go to a temp agency. When my cat Nocturne needed emergency surgery, I needed extra money to pay for it so I went to Kelly Services and registered as a temp. It only took me a couple months to earn the $300 necessary to replace what I had spent. --Fil > My real name is Stacy but my daughter's friends have dubbed me the kitty > lady. I am currently owned by 1 housecat, but we have 6 feral cats that [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > acting like this, and does any one here know of a way that I can convince > my husband that it is necessary for her to be fixed? The best way IMHO is to tell him after it has been done. MLB > The best way IMHO is to tell him after it has been done. MLB There's an idea. Or just never tell him at all, if you have the money. SneakyKatz >> The best way IMHO is to tell him after it has been done. MLB > > There's an idea. Or just never tell him at all, if you have the money. > > SneakyKatz But how would you explain the shaved patch and the stitches? <boggle> Tweed >>> The best way IMHO is to tell him after it has been done. MLB >> [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Tweed Good old saying: "Ask me no questions, I'll tell you know lies.." MLB >>>> The best way IMHO is to tell him after it has been done. MLB >>> [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > > Good old saying: "Ask me no questions, I'll tell you know lies.." MLB Oops - spelling error -- I'll tell you NO lies. >>>>> The best way IMHO is to tell him after it has been done. MLB >>>> [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > Oops - spelling error -- I'll tell you NO lies. Well, yes, this is all very well but it won't work. Here you have a situation where the husband seems to be adamantly against spaying the cat and a wife who wants to. I don't know who holds the purse strings, but even so.. Now that's a difficult one to be sure. (in honour of St P's day) Tweed Okay,.here we go....the devious method for ucooperative associates: You'll have to do some acting, but to the vet who spays ferals free, your kitty is "the feral you will probably take in after you check out other options"......and her shaved belly and sutures, to your (ahem) DH (post surgery, that is) it will be the "tumor" at the root of her ill behavior lately, now removed. Or does he let you have the keys to the car so you can go anyplace alone? >>> The best way IMHO is to tell him after it has been done. MLB >> [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Tweed > But how would you explain the shaved patch and the stitches? <boggle> Easy. Take cat to vets when he's not about. Then call him and say cat has pyometra due to not being spayed and you have rushed her to the vet. Get cat spayed, take Sassy home complete with shaved patch and stitches. Tell him that she had to have a hysterectomy to save her life isn't he glad she's okay?With the right emotional spin, he can even be made to feel guilty I grew up with parents who couldn't bear the idea that their "little girl" might have a cigarette or imbibe the occasional alcoholic beverage let alone...you know... Result: I can make stories up faster than anyone I know and as for the other things..... Lesley Slave of the Fabulous Furballs >> But how would you explain the shaved patch and the stitches? <boggle> >> [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > life isn't he glad she's okay?With the right emotional spin, he can > even be made to feel guilty If a person needs to engage in this sort of subterfuge to appease their partner, they're in a bad relationship. Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca > If a person needs to engage in this sort of subterfuge to appease their > partner, they're in a bad relationship. > > -- Hey, c'mon Monique. Did you see KittyLady's above post? She's been to the vet. She has an appointment to get the spay. We were the ones recommending subterfuge. She didn't say she needed it. Please don't judge somebody else's relationship based on 24 hours of many people's posts. Katz, cheering for KittyLady You speak truth, Katz......nevertheless, I don't approve of getting "Daddy" into the scenario till *after* the Wed. surgery! (rephrased axiom) a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! I don't criticize other folks' relationships in cat newsgroups, either. 'Nuff said. >> If a person needs to engage in this sort of subterfuge to appease > their [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > Katz, cheering for KittyLady >> If a person needs to engage in this sort of subterfuge to appease >> their partner, they're in a bad relationship. [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Katz, cheering for KittyLady I wasn't. I was judging the suggestions. Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca I know; I wish I could say the same for my sarcasm LOL. >>> If a person needs to engage in this sort of subterfuge to appease >>> their partner, they're in a bad relationship. [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > I wasn't. I was judging the suggestions. > I know; I wish I could say the same for my sarcasm LOL. Now I'm all confused. Can we put it down to the fact that I'm sick and didn't get much sleep at all last night? I'm probably being even more snarky than my usual self, too. >>>> If a person needs to engage in this sort of subterfuge to appease their >>>> partner, they're in a bad relationship. [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] >> >> pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca >>>But how would you explain the shaved patch and the stitches? <boggle> >>> [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > If a person needs to engage in this sort of subterfuge to appease their > partner, they're in a bad relationship. Probably, but no amount of telling them will get them out of it - they have to come to their own conclusions and take appropriate action themselves. (I KNOW - been there, done that!) >>>Easy. Take cat to vets when he's not about. Then call him and say cat has >>>pyometra due to not being spayed and you have rushed her to the vet. Get [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > to come to their own conclusions and take appropriate action themselves. (I > KNOW - been there, done that!) Yeah, you're right. I just don't think that encouraging this kind of elaborate subterfuge by suggesting the means is a good idea. For one thing, the lie would be easy to figure out (for example, surgery for pyometra is way more expensive than a simple spay), and if one is in the kind of relationship where truth is dangerous, I'd be worried about the ramifications. Spaying an indoor cat is a good idea, but I don't know if it's worth risking, for example, physical harm. (NOTE: I am NOT saying that the OP's husband would ever harm her. This is not about the OP. I'm talking purely about the suggestion being made.) Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca I can't see this dude consulting the Webster's for the finer points of pyometra surgery, myself.....and there was no reply to my ? re the car keys. To each his/her own. I'm not the type c.f.s latch onto, as you've probably guessed. >>>>Easy. Take cat to vets when he's not about. Then call him and say cat >>>>has [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > ever harm her. This is not about the OP. I'm talking purely about the > suggestion being made.) > > But how would you explain the shaved patch and the stitches? <boggle> > > [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > life isn't he glad she's okay?With the right emotional spin, he can > even be made to feel guilty This is manipulative to the last degree, dishonest, sneaky, and on the whole, not only brilliant but probably highly effective. I like it. Oh, and you're going straight to hell for lying. :) >> > But how would you explain the shaved patch and the stitches? <boggle> No she didn't. I did. Tweed >> Easy. Take cat to vets when he's not about. Then call him and say cat >> has pyometra due to not being spayed and you have rushed her to the [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > on the whole, not only brilliant but probably highly effective. > I like it. Oh, and you're going straight to hell for lying. :) My son was against me getting a kitten I had bought for him spayed, because he said it would take Zacs manhood away from him, but I went ahead and did it anyway, and he gradually came round to it. Jean.P. > > My real name is Stacy but my daughter's friends have dubbed me the kitty > > lady. I am currently owned by 1 housecat, but we have 6 feral cats that [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > > The best way IMHO is to tell him after it has been done. MLB > My real name is Stacy but my daughter's friends have dubbed me the > kitty lady. I am currently owned by 1 housecat, but we have 6 feral [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > of a way that I can convince my husband that it is necessary for her to > be fixed? Cost of 1 neutering: One time fee of $30 Cost of 1 litter of kittens: Extra food, extra litter, extra work. Ongoing. Ie, more than $30 Plus, take into account *your* extra costs when she's drivng you nuts on heat. Extra chocolate, extra ..... Do you have a birthday or other event that you'd get a gift from your husband coming up soon? Instead of asking for whatever else, ask for Sassy to be spayed instead. Hope that helps, Yowie > My question is this, my Sassafras is not fixed, and she has never been > outside since I have been owned by her (4 years now).Please do not yell > at me for this but my husband refuses to pay for what he calls an > unnecessary surgery. I have tried to convince him that it is necessary > but he won't listen to me. Oh? Do you always submit to such blatantly misogynistic demands? > When she does come in to heat it may last a couple of days and then > usually all will go back to normal. She had a heat earlier in the week [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > of a way that I can convince my husband that it is necessary for her to > be fixed? You can't reason with a control freak, so the surest way is to just go behind his back. Take Sassafras to the vet and have her spayed. THEN tell him. Also remind him that a sign of an abusive person is cruelty to animals, whether deliverate or covert, and that allowing Sassafras to go in and out of heat with no apparent end in sight is MOST CERTAINLY cruelty to animals. Yes, it may sound harsh, but this is the way it has to be. You might also want to tell him that on the bus I ride to work every day there is a HUGE mural on the outside that says "Real Men Neuter Their Dogs." The same should go for cats. Sorry if I sound unsympathetic, even though I am, because it's ideas like your husbands that created the need for kill-shelters. Pixie Dust 413 >> My question is this, my Sassafras is not fixed, and she has never > been [quoted text clipped - 36 lines] > > Pixie Dust 413 Oprah had a program on husbands who are bullies. Did anybody see it? Bullying takes many forms and not permitting the wife to have a "say" in matters she is interested in seems to be one form. MLB > Oprah had a program on husbands who are bullies. Did anybody see it? > Bullying takes many forms and not permitting the wife to have a "say" in > matters she is interested in seems to be one form. MLB Mine wouldn't let me drive my car! (And it WAS "my" car - his died about a week after we were married.) Even though I'm from an older generation, I definitely think young people have the right idea when they live together for a while before they consider marriage. (Even then, you may get some nasty surprises, but generally you know what to expect of married life, by the time you decide to tie officially the knot.) >> Oprah had a program on husbands who are bullies. Did anybody see it? >> Bullying takes many forms and not permitting the wife to have a "say" in [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > get some nasty surprises, but generally you know what to expect of married > life, by the time you decide to tie officially the knot.) Quite honestly I don't think living together is all that important. But taking some time to actually get to know a person. Know what they are like around their family and their friends over time before becoming committed to the relationship would surely help. "Falling in love" is highly overrated in my lowly opinion. Too often it leads a person to make an emotional commitment to someone they really don't know. And then to defend that commitment in spite of evidence it might not be a really great idea. Of course I'm partial to discovering one is in love with a person who is already a good friend. Someone you genuinely like before you love them. At least that is what worked for me. Jo Jo > Of course I'm partial to discovering one is in love with a person who is > already a good friend. Someone you genuinely like before you love them. At > least that is what worked for me. > > Jo Me too! I had been in an emotionally abusive marriage, and was delighted to escape from it. A little while later we got a new online editor at the newspaper where I worked. Since I was *the* programmer, I worked with her a lot. We became very close friends. Then a couple years later we married. Nancy and I will celebrate our 4th anniversary in two weeks (unfortunately I'll be on the road). I can't describe how wonderful it is to be married to your best friend. Dan > Me too! I had been in an emotionally abusive marriage, and was delighted > to escape from it. A little while later we got a new online editor at [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > (unfortunately I'll be on the road). I can't describe how wonderful it > is to be married to your best friend. Been married to my best friend for almost 21 years. Could never have tolerated anyone I wasn't friends with. I also love him as well, but that grew out of the friendship. Besides, he makes me laugh. Pam S. I'm not evil, I'm just written that way >>Mine wouldn't let me drive my car! (And it WAS "my" car - his died about >>a week after we were married.) Even though I'm from an older generation, [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > around their family and their friends over time before becoming committed to > the relationship would surely help. Up to a point, that's true, but until you live with someone, you don't know all the little things that never come up in normal conversation but drive one or the other wild! > "Falling in love" is highly overrated in my lowly opinion. Too often it > leads a person to make an emotional commitment to someone they really don't > know. And then to defend that commitment in spite of evidence it might not > be a really great idea. I still think I would not have married my ex if my Mom hadn't taken a dislike to him (sight unseen - they'd never met) and burned up the telephone wires between here and Minnesota, trying to persuade me NOT to marry him! >> Quite honestly I don't think living together is all that important. But >> taking some time to actually get to know a person. Know what they are like [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > all the little things that never come up in normal conversation but drive > one or the other wild! Mom always told me it's the little things that eventually drive you crazy. Like toothpaste tubes and toilet seats. > I still think I would not have married my ex if my Mom hadn't taken a > dislike to him (sight unseen - they'd never met) and burned up the telephone > wires between here and Minnesota, trying to persuade me NOT to marry him! *sigh* I'm sure I would have pulled the plug on my terminal high school relationship *years* sooner if my parents hadn't been so adamant about telling me how wrong the guy was for me! Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca >>>Quite honestly I don't think living together is all that important. But >>>taking some time to actually get to know a person. Know what they are like [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > relationship *years* sooner if my parents hadn't been so adamant about telling > me how wrong the guy was for me! Ditto! And my mother's major in college was psychiatry... guess she didn't pay attention in class, huh? If she'd just shut up about how he was the scum of the earth (one of her favorite phrases) I would have dumped the jerk after six months, but I hung on for over two years... Nina in Texas, servant to: Snickelfritz (RB), Pixel (RB 12/03), Rusty (RB 9/04), Seth (RB 12/04), Skeeter, Kyle, Jake, and T.K. [Tuxedo Kitty] SignatureProfessional proofreading doesn’t cost – it pays! ninaproofs@earthlink.net www.ninaproofs.com >>> Quite honestly I don't think living together is all that important. >>> But taking some time to actually get to know a person. Know what [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > school relationship *years* sooner if my parents hadn't been so > adamant about telling me how wrong the guy was for me! OMG, me too! I was with this guy for 2.5 years because my parents kept insisting he was wrong for me. He wasn't abusive or anything, in fact I was probably worse to him than he was to me, but we just weren't right for each other. The relationship would have fizzled in 6 months if it wasn't for my parents. I just couldn't let them be right and all smug about it, so I was determined to hang in there and prove them wrong. Ugh. -- Britta "There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." -- Unknown Check out pictures of Vino at: http://photos.yahoo.com/badwilson click on the Vino album >> *sigh* I'm sure I would have pulled the plug on my terminal high school >> relationship *years* sooner if my parents hadn't been so adamant about [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > parents. I just couldn't let them be right and all smug about it, so I was > determined to hang in there and prove them wrong. Ugh. -- Britta Unfortunately, in my case, the relationship that started in 10th grade lasted throughout college (at separate schools) and even longer ... and it should have ended while still in high school. Bleh. Other than that, it sounds very similar. My parents used to tell me "stop picking on the boy!" ... he would do anything for me; heady stuff for a teenager. In the end, though, I realized that he had no moral fiber or character; he was like water, shaped by whatever vessel he currently inhabited. Who wants a boyfriend who will do anything for you, except tell the truth about stupid things like whether he bought stamps like you asked him to? Bleh. Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca >>> *sigh* I'm sure I would have pulled the plug on my terminal high >>> school relationship *years* sooner if my parents hadn't been so [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >> in 6 months if it wasn't for my parents. I just couldn't let them >> be right and all smug about it, so I was determined to hang in there >> and prove them wrong. Ugh. -- Britta > > Unfortunately, in my case, the relationship that started in 10th > grade lasted throughout college (at separate schools) and even longer > ... and it should have ended while still in high school. Bleh. > [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > anything for you, except tell the truth about stupid things like > whether he bought stamps like you asked him to? Bleh. Yeah, my boyfriend started off as a bit of a project. I met him in the summer between first and second year of aviation college. I didn't like his clothes or activities or friends, so I set about changing him. Did a damn fine job of it too, if I may say so! LOL! Problem was, I couldn't respect him after that. I definitely learned my lesson about "project boyfriends" from that relationship! That and the fact that we fought like cats and dogs. Not a week would go by without some major blow up. Eventually I just got fed up with it and left. My parents' main beef with him was that he was just a filing clerk at the government and that's all he would ever be. Actually, I think he still is, over 10 years later. Oh well. But they said he was a loser and not good enough for me. That's what always used to get me, they disaproved of him for all the wrong reasons. -- Britta "There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." -- Unknown Check out pictures of Vino at: http://photos.yahoo.com/badwilson click on the Vino album > Other than that, it sounds very similar. My parents used to tell me "stop > picking on the boy!" ... he would do anything for me; heady stuff for a [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > the truth about stupid things like whether he bought stamps like you asked him > to? Bleh. Oh, that sounds like my ex, too! Always answered what he thought I wanted to hear, whether it was true or not! > Of course I'm partial to discovering one is in love with a person who is > already a good friend. Someone you genuinely like before you love them. At > least that is what worked for me./// spent cleaning up cat sick, I knew he was probably OK. ;o) > > > Of course I'm partial to discovering one is in love with a person who is > > already a good friend. Someone you genuinely like before you love them. At > > least that is what worked for me./// OK - try again ;0) I let the cats vet my other 1/2. After he had spent a night cleaning up after 4 very ill foster kittens with the serious runs and constant vommiting, and was changing litter boxes of his own accord, I knew he was probably OK. Then there was the time I saw him sitting on the floor while Pandora and Tiger sat on the sofa, and most importantly, Pandora doesn't run from him. :o) The cats vetting process works for me :o) Helen M > I let the cats vet my other 1/2. After he had spent a night cleaning up > after 4 very ill foster kittens with the serious runs and constant [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > The cats vetting process works for me :o) I'd say that he's a winner. Anyone who'll voluntarily clean up after sick foster cats is either a masochist, or a felinophile. The clincher is when he lets Pandora and Tiger sit on the sofa. You can't fake that, no con man would think of it. Pam S who's better 2/3s has been known to clean up after her and the cats as well as kids and d-thing > I'd say that he's a winner. Anyone who'll voluntarily clean up after > sick foster cats is either a masochist, or a felinophile. The clincher > is when he lets Pandora and Tiger sit on the sofa. You can't fake that, > no con man would think of it./// And better yet, he considers himself someone who doesn't really *get* cats! Of course, he tried to tell me this after he had run down the stairs for the 47th time to come get me to go see the "babies" because the foster kittens were doing something "cute"... Helen M > > I let the cats vet my other 1/2. After he had spent a night cleaning up > > after 4 very ill foster kittens with the serious runs and constant [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > is when he lets Pandora and Tiger sit on the sofa. You can't fake that, > no con man would think of it. What about when HE'S the one doubling the cat population of your home?! *l* I live with my best friend too...he's going to be a doctor in a few years and his compassion extends to non-humans as well. --Fil > What about when HE'S the one doubling the cat population of your > home?! [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > --Fil I wouldn't say that Rob has doubled the cat population of our house, but he did try to get away with increasing it by two. This is the guy who once told me that he'd move out if I brought one more cat into the house. Pam S. proud of PawRob > Mine wouldn't let me drive my car! (And it WAS "my" car - his died about a > week after we were married.) Even though I'm from an older generation, I > definitely think young people have the right idea when they live together > for a while before they consider marriage. (Even then, you may get some > nasty surprises, but generally you know what to expect of married life, by > the time you decide to tie officially the knot.) My parents actually had a rule that I had to live with anyone I might marry "for a significant amount of time." They both had early marriages to the wrong people. I think it helps somewhat, but there are people out there who can hide their true selves as long as they have to to get what they want. My mom's first husband was a driving instructor, and though he had mom chauffer him and his friends around town all the time, he'd managed to convince everyone not to let her have her driver's license. Eventually she did get it, but ugh! For as long as I can remember, mom has told me that I must be able to support myself independently. It makes sense to me. Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca > My mom's first husband was a driving instructor, and though he had mom > chauffer him and his friends around town all the time, he'd managed to > convince everyone not to let her have her driver's license. Eventually she > did get it, but ugh! For as long as I can remember, mom has told me that I > must be able to support myself independently. It makes sense to me. I heard that from MY mother, too! She had two very happy marriages, but after my natural father died, she'd have had things much harder, if she'd not had business skills to support herself and a small child. (Of course, when she was young, most girls lived with their parents until they married, never holding down a job, and wives seldom worked outside the home - she was always grateful that her father had insisted she learn typing and shorthand, and work for a year at least a year before she married.)
|
Reply to this Message |
 Sign In
 Join
 My Latest Posts My Monitored Threads My Blog My Photo Gallery My Profile My Homepage Start New Thread Enable EMail Alerts Rate this Thread
|
©2008 Advenet LLC Privacy Policy - Terms of Use
This website includes both content owned or controlled by Advenet as well as content owned or controlled by third parties.