Hi, I'm new here and thought I'd start things off with a little humor
;-)

 The Top 16 Signs Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You

16> Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.

15> Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.

14> He actually *does* have your tongue.

13> You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind
   the couch.

12> Cyanide pawprints all over the house.

11> You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.

10> As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas,
   you get a faint whiff of catnip.

9> Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."

8> Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying,
   "Mew looking at me?  Mew looking at me?"

7> Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.

6> You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts
   with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil
   dumped on your bed.

5> Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.

4> Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your
   doorstep.

3> Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.

2> You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" which says
   "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."

and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You...

1> Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.

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