The most popular reality TV shows for cats this season:

1.  Fur Factor

Contestant cats are taken to a frightening building where they undergo
a series of horrific challenges, including Tonguedepresser Torture,
Claw Clipping Calamity, Vile Vaccination, Boarding Kennel Boredom, and
the dreaded Rectal Thermometer.  The winner is the one who sheds the
most while successfully completing all challenges.

Hosted by Kumani from somewhere far under the bed where she doesn't
have to look at that thermometer.

2.  Survivor:  Belleville

Contestants are dropped off in the forest near Belleville, Ontario
where they must teach themselves such survival skills as Rabbit
Hunting, Seagull Pouncing, Dumpster Diving, El Grande Mooch, and
Sandwich Salvage while dodging coyotes, dump trucks, and gun-toting
rednecks while living outdoors in the harsh Canadian climate.  Winners
(*) are the ones who successfully convinces some human to give them a
permanent home.

Hosted by Smokey, reigning champion, via satellite since no one can
convince him to get off the couch and go back outside again to do it
from the site.

(*) There is no guarantee that any cat will win

3.  Nocturne's Apprentice

Kittens vie for Nocturne's approval by completing such tasks as
Warming Nocturne's Pillow (must be relinquished upon request,) Beating
Up Smokey, Distracting Humans from Nocturne's Deeds, Inflicting
Needless Abuse on Humans, and Bringing Nocturne Toys.  In addition to
success in the tests, the winner will always behave with an attitude
of deference towards Nocturne's grand mastery and submit herself to
Nocturne's will without complaint.  Winner will sit at Nocturne's left
paw in the new Feline World Order.

Hosted by Tyche, who sits at Nocturne's right paw, and starring La
Nocturne herself.

--Fil