Where oh where was the TW for this message?

(snip)

Oh Lori.

This is in the back of my mind all the time.  Stinky is 14 now, and I
force myself to think about it sometimes, because he is so much the
same as he has ever been, and whatever changes I see are so very small
and subtle.  But I still watch carefully.  Mimi was this age when I
lost her to CRF, and she was very vigorous up to practically the day
before she died.  There are times-- more and more often-- when the
little boogerhead sits on my lap or my chest, and looks at me with
those goofy eyes of his, and I say inside my head, "Don't leave me
yet.  Don't leave me for a long, long time yet."

Theresa
Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh
My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com

*sniffle*

I'm wiping away tears ... that was beautiful.

  Sorry - I can't finish reading this right now - can't see the
monitor through the tears.  After a couple of paragraphs, I've saved
the post and will read it later when I feel "tougher".

  Jeanne

Oh, CatNipped, this is so beautiful.  I am going to save it.  It
brought tears.

Ginger-lyn
with Cosmo (15), Sabra (15), and Internet (16)

---------------------<snip>----------------------

That was one of the most moving things I've ever read.  I count every
day I have with my sweet Lady Jane Grey as a gift.  She seemed to be
about four years old when we adopted her and we've had her about
seventeen years.  She's slowed down a little, but not much.  She still
goes wild-eyed when the peacock feather comes out and if you wiggle
your fingers over the edge of the arm of a chair she'll still jump up
and 'bap' you one.  I don't know how I'll get to sleep without her
sitting on my chest when she's gone.  

I hope you have many full years with your precious Bandit left to you.
The souls of a person and a cat together are greater than the sum of
the parts.  She must be a special little girl indeed to have inspired
you so.

Hugs and Purrs,
O J

This needed a TW - thank you for the lovely post!

Susan M
Otis and Chester

by "CatNipped" <lcrews@houston.rr.com> Feb 14, 2005 at 11:02 AM

Looking into your eyes now, I don't see that sparkle of mischievousness
that
used to make them glow with the joy of life and the exuberance of youth.
Instead there are spots there."Iris Pigmentation" the vet calls it,
normal

for your age, something like liver spots in older people - yes, I'm
familiar
with those.  Your eyes are misted, cloudy with the years you've lived.
But
those eyes still look at me with love and can still melt my heart.  The
power of your eyes has not dimmed in the least.

Your fur is not as sleek and shiny now, you don't groom as much as when
you
were a young and prideful girl - arthritis keeps you bending as easily as

you once did.  There are spots that are patchy and dry, places where the
hair is thinning (mine is thinning too, my love).  Never mind, I will
brush
your coat for you, tenderly smoothing those places that are now hard for
you
to reach with your scratchy little tongue.  My payment for all the times
that tongue lovingly dried the tears on my cheeks when life or love was
treating me badly.

Those legs, once powerful enough to leap to the highest perch, now
tremble
a bit when you walk.  My heart breaks when I see you eying a favorite
napping spot that you can no longer reach, and then quietly retreating to
a corner

on the floor to rest.  Be at ease my sweet, I will lift you to wherever
you want to go.  I owe you that for all the times you lifted my heart and
made

me laugh with your cavorting through the house in pursuit of a fly!  I
will be there for you as you have always been for me.  I can't run and
play as
I did in my youth either, but we can sit together in front of a fire to
warm
our tired old bones and reminisce about the time when we thought we could

conquer the world.

Your heart, once so strong and steady, now falters with age.  Please,
please dear heart, keep beating, defy the end and stay with me a little
longer.
My own heart will break beyond repair when you are taken from me.  Your
tiny
heart has always been big enough to hold a whole universe full of love,
and generous enough to forgive me all my faults and stupid mistakes.
Yours is

the only heart that has been ever steadfast and true, unlike so many
others that may have been bigger in physical size, but so much smaller in
the
capacity to love and forgive.  You have always accepted me as I am and
never faltered in your love and devotion to me.  I will love you to the
end and
beyond, I will never forget you after you have been forced to leave me.
My love will go beyond the grave and lift you to the farthest star, my
dear.

I will always remember the gift you gave me, the greatest gift
imaginable,

the gift of your life, the gift of your love.  I can never repay what you

have given me.  I stand in awe of your devotion to such a frail and
fallible soul such as me.  The times I ignored you (when someone not
nearly as
deserving took my attention from you), the times I left you to fend for
yourself while I took care of more "important" business - oh how those
times now sear my soul with their loss.  How I wish now I could recapture
those
lost chances to be with you.  I know that our time together is so short
now and each second with you is precious beyond belief.  Please make those

moments stretch out long enough to assuage my need for your purrs, your
nose kisses, your love.

You no longer pounce through our home with your tail held high, but that
is as it should be.  The time we do have left can better be spent cuddled

close, in peace, softly dreaming of what was and hopeful of what will be.

My dear heart, may I have the grace to appreciate when we have, and the
courage to face what will come.  I know I can never match your
indomitable

spirit, your dignity, and your acceptance of what life brings, so please
lend me your faith that life is good as it is and death will bring peace
and a well deserved rest for a friend who was the best friend I will ever
have.

Hugs,

CatNipped

___________________________________________________________________

That was so beautiful, but sad. I hate the fact that eventhough Spicey
isn't quite 2 I'll proably outlive her.
Suz