Thinking we'd lost Smudge yesterday really panicked me.

I've had 5 cats before her;
One declawed New York City Kitty (JonJon) who we got at a pet store as a
kitten.  He was my caretaker, better than any guard dog.  I took JonJon to
college in Western Mass. with me when he was about 11 years old.  I let him
explore the great outdoors, and he proved that age and claws mean NOTHING.
I once watched him chase a German Shephard around the dorm.  Another time he
got right smack in the middle of a dog fight between a black lab and a
Newfie mix, stood up on his hind legs, and smacked them BOTH down.  He also
took off once into the Mass. woods, and was gone for three days.  I feared
the worst, but a friend found him at the other end of the housing area, and
I brought him home.

Second cat was a wild NYC cat, Souixie, she went back to that lifestyle of
her own accord.

Third was Franny Cat.
Franny cat chose ME.  She was a wee little kitten my brothers co-worker
brought in becauase she had been left on the doorstep and he was allergic to
cats.  She jumped into my chair and stayed with me.  I was living with my
sister for the summer, and she hated cats, so the kitten lived with the
secretary for the remaining time until I went back to college.  Franny
ADORED JonJon.  He loved her too.  They spent hours grooming each other and
cuddling up.

Franny was amazing.  I trained her to use a little box.  And at one point,
before she was a year old, I though that she was simply too wild  too keep
and thought about giving her to a farm to be a barn cat.  I made this
decision to do this, and then set off across campus to have dinner with a
friend.  Damned if there wasn't a little "Mew mew mew" following me.  I
turned around, and there she was, begging me not to leave her.  I saw in her
eyes that it mattered to her, *I* mattered to her, she wanted ME.  I kept
her.

She was an indoor/outdoor cat, always came in at night.  She also became a
master hunter, bringing me 3-4 mice a day from the nearby swamp.  They were
gifts, they were not eaten.  We lived through FUS together, we grew up
together.  She moved with me back and forth across the country, New York,
Massachussetts, California.  Sometimes she was solely an indoor kitty,
depending on circumstances.  She let me adopt a dog, a border collie, and
she trained him with me.

Yup, Franny cat, weighing in at 8lbs of pure brain, muscle and fur, trained
the dog.  It helped that they were who they were;  She was smart and
determined and capable.  He was smart and gentle and willingto make friends
with every creature on the planet.  One meaow, he sat.  Two, he laid down.

I thought about Franny while Smudge was missing, because I never ever
worried about her being outside.  These current two house cats, Joe and
Sweetie (cats 4 and 5), I don't let them out at all because neither of them
dispalys either any killer instinct, nor any survival instinct.  Smudge is
an outdoor kitty because she has been all of her life, and we need someone
to kill mice.  (Hear me Smudge?  Kill them, don't play hide and seek!)  But
Franny would have been appalled by all these cats.  Not one of them can
solve a mouse problem.  Not one is devoted to me or my husband or my kids,
not the way Franny was devoted to me.  Not one of them has determination or
really a strong character.

Sweetie is a lovely little thing, but she's so diffident.  Quiet, reserved,
does her own kitty thing.

Joe is simply a big goof ball.

I love them both, but somehow they are not attached, not like Jon Jon and
Franny were.  Somehow all my love flows only in one direction.  JJ and
Franny most certainly loved me back, and wanted me in their lives.

Franny's last breathe was in my arms.  She'd used her last sprig of energy
to get up in bed with me and curl up under the covers.  Because she'd chosen
me.

TBird <--- made myself cry...I miss my Franny

Hell, Franny would come on the dog walks with me and Rowdie Pup.  We'd walk
around the block, the three of us.  She wanted to be with us.  With US.  No
one else.  She prowled by she always came home to get under the covers and
sleep with me.  Always.