Cat Forum / Cat Anecdotes / January 2005
Don't Step on the Ducks! (OT Joke)
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jmcquown - 24 Jan 2005 17:49 GMT Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on . Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
Jill
Margaret Fine - 24 Jan 2005 22:18 GMT > Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get > there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > > Jill
:-) That was a good one!
 Signature Margaret Fine mefine@mindspring.com
Gabey8 - 25 Jan 2005 11:22 GMT LOL!
I hope you don't mind, I copied this over to a hockey message board where I post, which has a joke thread going right now. :o)
Donna
CatNipped - 25 Jan 2005 14:50 GMT > LOL! > > I hope you don't mind, I copied this over to a hockey message board where > I post, which has a joke thread going right now. :o) > > Donna If you'd like you can add my favorite jokes...
#1 Why is it that women have such a hard time estimating measurements?
- scroll down - . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Because all their lives their told that this |------------------------| is ten inches!
#2 Sung to the tune of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
In the bedroom, the quiet bedroom John Bobbit sleeps tonight... In the kitchen the quiet kitchen Lorena gets a knife... A weenie whack, a weenie whack, a weenie whack, a weenie whack......
Hugs,
CatNipped
jmcquown - 25 Jan 2005 15:04 GMT >> LOL! >> [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > CatNipped Great, now I have that song (the real one) stuck in my head!
Jill
jmcquown - 25 Jan 2005 15:14 GMT >>> LOL! >>> [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > Jill BTW, I can hit those high notes on a good day :)
Jill
CatNipped - 25 Jan 2005 15:41 GMT > >>> LOL! > >>> [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > Jill Wow, I couldn't hit those high notes if I were a guy and my 'nads were in a vice! In fact, I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. That doesn't stop me from singing at the top of my voice, however! At least I've never had a neighbor call the police to report a woman being tortured to death next door!!! ;>
Hugs,
CatNipped
jmcquown - 25 Jan 2005 16:13 GMT >>>>> LOL! >>>>> [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > Wow, I couldn't hit those high notes if I were a guy and my 'nads > were in a vice! LOL In fact, I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. That
> doesn't stop me from singing at the top of my voice, however! At > least I've never had a neighbor call the police to report a woman [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > CatNipped LOL I can carry a tune without a bucket, however, I never liked to sing in front of people. Maybe I'll add that to my list of things to do this year. No, come to think of it, I don't see Karaoke in my future even if I did dance in public last year :)
Jill
Monique Y. Mudama - 25 Jan 2005 17:55 GMT > Wow, I couldn't hit those high notes if I were a guy and my 'nads were in a > vice! In fact, I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. That doesn't stop me > from singing at the top of my voice, however! At least I've never had a > neighbor call the police to report a woman being tortured to death next > door!!! ;> You might be surprised. All my life, people complained about my poor voice, to the point that I refused to sing at all in front of people; in fact, I wouldn't even sing alone in the car!
Anyway, when I had lots of free time I needed to fill (I'd just given up a computer game that had dominated my life for several years), I decided to give it a go and contacted a voice teacher. A friend of mine had been her student in high school. I met with the teacher. Of course, this was pretty unconventional; most people looking for voice lessons think they're already pretty good, and they typically can read music. But the teacher was open-minded, and I took lessons from her for a few months. My stated goal was to be able to sing in the car without wincing, and I definitely got to that point. In fact, it amazed me (and my teacher) how far I'd come. She said I was ready to join a choir, although I still doubt that.
Unfortunately, the lessons weren't cheap and my life got too busy for them, and then I moved. But I really enjoyed those lessons. With all of the breathing exercises, I often felt energized after them, as well.
 Signature monique, roommate of Oscar the (female) grouch ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Eros was adopted! Eros has a home now! *cheer!*
PatM - 25 Jan 2005 18:42 GMT That's really cool that you did that. When I lived in Denver their adult ed. classes offered ones like acting and stage, and stand-up for shy people, and also voice lessons for people who swore they couldn't sing. My life was too wierd then and I couldn't participate, but I was sure tempted! (I can't sing either...the only class I ever used to play hooky from back in grade school was choir!) PatM
PatM - 25 Jan 2005 18:42 GMT That's really cool that you did that. When I lived in Denver their adult ed. classes offered ones like acting and stage, and stand-up for shy people, and also voice lessons for people who swore they couldn't sing. My life was too wierd then and I couldn't participate, but I was sure tempted! (I can't sing either...the only class I ever used to play hooky from back in grade school was choir!) PatM
Kreisleriana - 25 Jan 2005 16:17 GMT >>>> LOL! >>>> [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > >Jill How does Persia like that? ;)
I sing quite a lot around here. Stinky seems to love it, no matter how bad I am. In fact, sometimes the worse I am, the better he seems to like it. What a funny little guy. Mimi, being more musical, would try to bite me in the a.s. ;)
Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com
jmcquown - 25 Jan 2005 17:47 GMT >>>>> LOL! >>>>> [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > How does Persia like that? ;) Persia doesn't care but Peaches chirps along with me ;) And she can hit higher notes than I can.
Jill
> I sing quite a lot around here. Stinky seems to love it, no matter > how bad I am. In fact, sometimes the worse I am, the better he seems [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh > My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com Kreisleriana - 25 Jan 2005 16:15 GMT >>> LOL! >>> [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > >Jill EARWORM!
Quick, think of "The Flintstones"!
Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com
Holly - 25 Jan 2005 17:56 GMT Catnipped that was great I will be singing it all day was actually singing it while I was reading it and now the hubby is giving me a strange deer caught in headlights look. HUM I cant imagine why.
PatM - 25 Jan 2005 18:28 GMT Oooo! I have to share that one with my girlfriend at lunch today...she was just watching the Bobbit courtcase on that yesterday! PatM
Kreisleriana - 26 Jan 2005 17:09 GMT (snip)
>#2 Sung to the tune of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" > >In the bedroom, the quiet bedroom John Bobbit sleeps tonight... >In the kitchen the quiet kitchen Lorena gets a knife... >A weenie whack, a weenie whack, a weenie whack, a weenie whack...... Nipped, think of all the poor boy kitties who are getting snipped this week. I can see them all cringing. ;)
Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com
CatNipped - 27 Jan 2005 02:47 GMT > (snip) > >#2 Sung to the tune of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > Nipped, think of all the poor boy kitties who are getting snipped this > week. I can see them all cringing. ;) LOL, and we haven't heard from Victor, Bob, Dan, Steve, etc. - they're being awfully quiet!!! Sorry guys! ;>
Hugs,
CatNipped
> Theresa > Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh > My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com Monique Y. Mudama - 25 Jan 2005 17:48 GMT > LOL! > > I hope you don't mind, I copied this over to a hockey message board where I > post, which has a joke thread going right now. :o) > > Donna Is there a hockey-player message board? I looked for an ice hockey newsgroup, but they all seem to be about professional teams etc, not about playing the actual game.
 Signature monique, roommate of Oscar the (female) grouch ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Eros was adopted! Eros has a home now! *cheer!*
Jean Hobbs - 26 Jan 2005 01:43 GMT I like it!!!!! Jean.P.
> Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get > there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > > Jill
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