In fond memory of Dave...

Cast of Characters:

Sammy - 9-month-old female kitten
Jessie - 5-year-old female cat
Mommy - MUCH older female human

Mommy walks through the sitting room, looks at the Christmas tree
(bedraggled, drooping, denuded, and besieged - much worse the wear because
of Sammy), and sighs.  It is time to take the decorations off and let the
poor tree die in peace.  Mommy walks over to the settee and sits down for a
few last minutes of tree-gazing.

Jessie runs into the room with Sammy hot on her heels.  Mommy watches in
amazement as Jessie zips past the Christmas tree, making a last-minute 90
degree turn to avoid crashing into the tree.  Sammy, 10 pounds heavier and
kitten clumsier than Jessie, does not manage the turn and runs head first
into the tree.  Mommy notices Jessie sitting next to the settee and watching
Mommy for a reaction.  No, it couldn't be!

Was Jessie deliberately trying to get Sammy in trouble?  When Mommy doesn't
react to Sammy crashing into the tree, Jessie runs back out of the room
chased by Sammy.  A few minutes later, the performance is repeated.  It's
true!  Jessie *is* deliberately trying to get Sammy in trouble.  Mommy
raises an eyebrow and looks at Jessie speculatively.  Hmmmmm.

Mommy goes into her office and pulls out the big box that contains all the
littler boxes that hold the ornaments and lights and brings it into the
sitting room.  Mommy unpacks the littler boxes, spreading them over the
coffee table, settee and floor.  Then mommy starts gently taking the
ornaments off the tree and packing them into their respective boxes.

After the first box is filled Mommy glances over in time to see Sammy jump
over the rim of the large, now empty, box.  Sammy is inside the large box
for a fraction of a second when Mommy sees her levitate about three feet
over the rim of the box, running in mid air like Wile E. Coyote after the
roadrunner tricks him into falling off a cliff, and then scrambling out of
the box.

Mommy walks over and peers into the box to see Jessie sitting inside
grinning in triumph.  Mommy smiles to herself thinking that it's about time
Sammy got back some of her own, then goes back to taking the ornaments off
the tree.  As Mommy sticks her hand deep into a branch to pluck off an
ornament she feels five claws sinking into the soft flesh between thumb and
forefinger and yells, "SAMMY!  You little %$%$#!  How many times have I told
you to *STAY OUT OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE*!!!"  Sammy smiles to herself
thinking that it's about time Mommy got back some of Sammy's own.

Sammy is so tickled at having "gotcha"'d Mommy that she decides to have
another go at big sister Jessie.  Sammy runs over to the big box and jumps
inside again.  Mommy hears a short sharp "MRRP" and sees Sammy levitate
above the box and scramble out again.  Sammy spends a few minutes circling
the box.  Every few rotations she pauses to bite the corner of the box and
curse at Jessie.  Mommy smiles to herself and thinks about how lucky tiny
little 4 pound Jessie is that Sammy still thinks of her as her "big" sister.
At the moment Mommy just feels grateful that Jessie is keeping Sammy
occupied while Mommy takes down the Christmas tree ornaments.

Mommy has almost completely filled the little boxes with ornaments and is
walking back to the tree to get the last few ornaments when she sees a
streak of black and grey out of the corner of her eye.  Mommy turns her head
to see Sammy running flat out into the sitting room.  Mommy glances over at
all the ornaments, neatly resting in their boxes, which are not yet lidded,
all spread out over the coffee table, settee, and floor.

Mommy glances back at Sammy and calculates Sammy's trajectory as ending on
the settee in the middle of Mommy's beautiful glass ornaments.  Time starts
to slow down as Mommy begins to run an interception course.  Sammy seems to
float through the air in the middle of a bounding leap.  Mommy's voice
deepens as time slows even more.
"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo," Mommy cries, running in
slow motions across the sitting room floor.  In her slow motion haste Mommy
has failed to notice her foot landing on a box full of ornaments.  As
ornaments crunch under and into Mommy's foot, the box slides across the
floor and Mommy begins to fall backwards.

Mommy's arms are flailing wildly as time all at once speeds up to twice
normal.  Mommy lands on her backside with a thump as her bloody feet shoot
out from under her.  Mommy's head bounces up off the carpet in time for her
to see Sammy landing in the middle of the settee and boxes of ornaments
flying out from under her.  More crunching is heard as the boxes land on top
the other boxes on the floor and coffee table.

Mommy feels someone watching her and looks over to see Jessie peering out
over the top of the big box and grinning at her.  Hmmmmm.  Mommy doesn't
know how, but thinks that somehow Jessie has had a hand, er, paw in this
fiasco.

Mommy picks her way quickly through the broken glass on the floor in order
to grab up Sammy before Sammy cuts her little paws on Mommy's broken
ornaments.  Sammy thinks this is a fun new game Mommy has invented for her
and leaps away just as Mommy leans over to grab her.  Mommy, trying to avoid
stepping on more ornaments, overbalances and topples over onto the boxes of
unbroken ornaments that remain on the settee.  More crunching ensues as
Mommy sighs and bleeds a bit more.

Oh well, Mommy thinks, that's fewer ornaments she has to pack away and she
tries to remember how much she enjoys buying new ornaments for the tree
every Christmas.  Sigh.  Mommy begins picking up the broken ornaments as
Sammy darts back out of the room, pausing to take a swipe at Jessie's fun
new box on her way out.

Mommy walks over to the large box, scoops Jessie out and gently places her
on the sitting room floor.  Sammy comes back into the room in time to sing,
"Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah" at Jessie's comeuppance.  Jessie runs out of the
room, pausing to take a swipe at Sammy's head on her way out.

Mommy places her pitifully few boxes of unbroken ornaments into the large
box and walks over to the tree to start unstringing the popcorn garland.
Mommy is amazed at how little popcorn is left on the string.  Someone has
been doing quite a bit of snacking while resting in the branches of Mommy's
Christmas tree!  It's no surprise that Sammy has gained more than a pound
over the holidays!!

Mommy wraps the store-bought garland back on its cardboard holders and
begins unstringing the lights from the tree.  Feeling a familiar tug, Mommy
looks down to see Sammy wrestling with the dangling string of lights and
quickly grabs up the strand before Sammy can cut her mouth on a broken bulb.
Mommy feels another tug on the strand of lights, but this time from the
direction of the tree.  Hey, wait a minute, Sammy is still on the floor.
Mommy peers into the tree in time to see a streak of patchy orange, white,
brown and gray fur disappearing deeper into the branches.  AHA!  It seems
that Sammy was not the only kitty availing herself of a real live tree
rather than a carpet-covered imitation!!

Mommy starts to shake the tree trying to get Jessie to jump down.  Mommy has
forgotten that the tree is sitting in a tree stand full of sappy water,
covered by a cheaply red stained, furry, tree stand cover.  Mommy is going
to have to live with a red ring in the middle of the sitting room carpet
until it is time to put the next Christmas tree over that spot.

Sammy decides to get in on this fun new game and jumps into the tree to join
Jessie in taunting Mommy.  The tree, overburdened by a very hefty kitten,
starts to topple over onto the sitting room floor.  Mommy is having
flashbacks of her tree trimming trauma, TTT, better known as classic post
Sammy shock syndrome, as she watches the tree falling and two cats jumping
to safety.

Mommy looks at the tangled strands of Christmas tree lights on the red
stained carpet, the toppled tree, the tangled garland that Jessie and Sammy
are playing tug-o-war with, and the almost empty box of ornaments. Mommy sig
hs as she struggles to detach the tree stand from the toppled tree.  The
shims she sawed off and placed around the trunk of the tree are jammed
pretty tightly into the stand.  Mommy tugs harder and says bad words.  Sammy
and Jessie have lost interest in the shredded garland and are sitting on the
floor singing, "Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah," at Mommy.

Mommy grinds her teeth and tugs even harder on the tree stand.  Abruptly,
the stand gives way and Mommy goes flying backwards, trips over her
treadmill, and falls on her backside while banging the tree stand into her
forehead and splashing the remaining sappy water up her nose.  Mommy flings
the offending tree stand away from her, but in her anger miscalculates the
strength of her toss.  The metal tree stand goes flying across the sitting
room and crashes into the window, breaking two of the bottom panes.  The
weatherman has predicted a hard freeze tonight.  Sigh.

Finally the half dead tree has been dragged out to the curb, the half empty
box of decorations has been stored in the closet in Mommy's office, the half
stained carpet has been half dried, the half heated house has been half
cleaned, and the half insane Mommy has given a half hearted attempt at some
peace and quiet while the two halves of the dynamic duo of Jessie and Sammy
are half asleep from their efforts of helping Mommy take down the Christmas
tree.

Next up, "Learning Yoga With Mommy".

Hugs,

CatNipped