Ah, life with a kitten. I had forgotten.

Integration.

My dear sweet Shmogg. Cat of famous grump and B*st*rd C*t tricks. Hallway
Troll. Attacks ankles at every opportunity. At least 6 full kilos of
Cattitude. Terrified of a wee small kitten. Now runs and hides at mere sight
of Hell on Four Paws, aka IBKFergus.

Fluffy, a loyal, if not so bright, companion. Wagger of tail in the face of
adversity, killer of socks, moocher of food. Now merely another kitten
plaything. Happy (as always) to be so.

Cary, my precious son. Drooler supreme, bounc-o-matic fiend, rug-rat of
doom. Grabs and gums indiscrimately. Victim of kitten's obsession with
ankles. Laugher at kitten antics. Kitten's soul brother.

Joel, loving husband, couch grouch. Namer of kitten, curser of kitten.
Kitten's nemesis and wielder of the Squirty Thing of Death. Kitten's
favourite shoulder ride.

Vicky, hapless cat slave. Feeder and provider of all things kitten. Cleaner
of all things kitten. Fixer of all things Kittened. Main victim of Kitten
antics. Have kitten claw and teeth marks all over body. Left ear
particularly favoured by kitten for licking and purring loudly into.

IBKFergus, small black kitten. Utterly Fearless. Consequently, quite stupid
due to total lack of fear of *anything*. Will fall great heights in single
bound if we haven't grabbed him already. Will attack 6kg worth of grumpy
adult male cat without any idea of the consequences if grumpy adult male cat
decided to attack back (Shmogg, the balless wonder). Has crawled into great
gaping maw of doggy mouth, that could well have kittens twice his size for
breakfast. Continues to flirt with death around Cary's great grab-and-gob
policy. Likes lurking on black objects so great bumbling hoomins
inadvertantly steps or trips over him because we didn't see him in time.
Climbs up hoomins whether clothed or not to get shoulder rides. Manages to
get into Cary's cot (we still don't  know how) to attack his ankles whilst
asleep. Thinks doggy tail is for chasing. In fact, thinks *everything* is
for chasing. Occasionally catches own tail and meows in pain. Still chases
own tail. Has been locked in fridge. Has gotten stuck behind toilet. Has got
lost in lounge. Has got stuck behind bookcase. Has got stuck on top of
bookcase. Dissappears for hours then appears with cobwebs all over him.
Now has proper round kitten belly. May well continue to have round belly if
keeps eating like a little piggy. Only has two modes: full ahead and full
stop. Knows damn well how to do "cute and adorable" to get out of trouble.

Shmogg took up spraying for a while, and we had the inevitable hisspits, but
it seems IBKFergus's complete lack of fear has meant that Shmogg has had to
back down, and is no longer Ruler of the House. I think perhaps that he has
found his successor, and is passing on his mantle of B*st*rd C*t to a
younger, more agile individual, so he can retire and spend his days as a
happy purring lap fungus rather than having to spend his days plotting and
scheming. I do expect one or two more B*st*rd C*t tricks, just so the
youngster can get the knack of torturing the hoomins, but I think IBKFergus
is otherwise settling into his role as B*st*rd C*t, and Shmogg will happily
retire to a consulting role.

Yowie