Tanada <tanada@earthlink.net> had some very interesting things to say
about Re: The Insensitive and Uncaring families Rant:

Sounds like our kind of people. :-)

"Your Honor, we accuse Tanada of beating up the party of the second part
with a set of tes---- which he had given her for a present....."

I know, there are some perfect moments which don't occur to us until years
later. I'm sure I've got a list of them, but I havn't thought of them yet.

I did have a chance to practice my droll understatement. Couple weeks ago, I
was at a church social, and stepped into the mens room to lose some water
weight.

There were two urinals, and one stall. There was singing coming from the
stall, which is quite unusual for a mens room at a church social.
Considering that LDS folks don't drink.

Well, an elderly gal in a bright red dress and fluffy frills stepped out of
the stall, and proceeded to wash her hands  in the sink next to me. I was
also washing my hands at this moment.

Chris: "I think one of us might be in the wrong bathroom."

Her: "What are you doing in the ladies room?"

Chris: "Look...." points to urinals...... "I think you may be mistaken."

Would you believe she walked out, came back in and started to wash her hands
again. She told me how confusing the signs are, and then dried her hands and
walked out.

Ah, well. I find out later she has advanced senile dementia. Not that I
woulda noticed?

Stormin Mormon wrote:

Too bad I didn't think of it at the time.  I'd have been arrested, but
it would have been worth it.

Pam S.

Oh I wouldn't be finding *any* humour in what you've put up with. Indeed I'd
seriously be contemplating taking out a restraining order or some other sort of
legal sanction against the evil, interfering, busybody! You must have the
patience of a saint!

Cheers, helen s

--This is an invalid email address to avoid spam--
to get correct one remove fame & fortune
h*$el*$$e*nd**$o$ts**i*$*$m*m$o*n*s@$*a$o*l.c**$om$

--Due to financial crisis the light at the end of the tunnel is switched off--

I work for the English equivalent.  I hope this might put your mind at rest.
We are obliged by law to investigate every allegation that is made. Every
time.  However we are capable of recognising genuine child abuse reports
from those that we soon find out are malicious.

It won't matter that they keep them.  You will have been found innocent and
you won't (if USA is the same as England) be on any sort of list as a
potential child abuser.
So no need to cry.
That should have been explained to you.

Mandy will be 18 and can partake in all the drugs and alcohol she likes.
She's now an adult and whatever she does, you are not responsible for.
Hope this info might give you a better holiday time.

Tweed

Lots of purrs, hugs and best wishes for you, Pam,

<snip>

I see. So you can be harassed if you don't give your kids wonderful
enough birthdays, but she can have an 11-year-old carving a dildo and
nobody does anything about it? So nice that the agency has its priorities
straight! :-/

Joyce

{{{Pam}}}

I am so sorry you have had to go through all this.  I can't even begin
to imagine.  I'm glad soon you (hopefully) won't have to put up with
this awful person anymore.

Ginger-lyn

OK ... apologies if I've done this before, but here goes.

My eldest brother is a turd of the highest order.  Either that, or he's
incredibly weak and dominated by his wife.

My father died a few weeks before my 21st birthday.  He was very ill, in
a lot of distress, and it was his time to go.  In many ways, it was a
relief to all of us.

A few days before my birthday, my eldest brother  phoned.  I answered.

I was told, in no uncertain terms, that I was not to expect anything
from my mother for my birthday.  She was a grieving widow, with too much
on her mind to worry about getting a present for someone who was really
too old to be thinking about birthdays anyhow.  He then asked to speak
to Mum.

His younger daughter was shortly going into hospital for some surgery to
her feet. Neither he or his bitch troll from hell of a wife wanted to
have to take time off work to be at home with her so, if it was OK, they
were going to send Daughter down to my mum to look after.  After all,
having Daughter about would take her mind off everything, wouldn't it?
And by the way, if I caused any hassle, he'd sort me out.  He'd told me
not to expect anything from Mum ... yadda yadda yadda.  I think the
phrase "boot up the a*se" was mentioned.

Mum icily informed him that I'd asked for nothing more than to have a
couple of friends round for dinner on the actual day of my birthday, and
as we all had to eat, she saw no problem in cooking for a couple extra,
and was in fact looking forward to the company.  As for looking after
Daughter, did they really think that a teenage girl wanted to be cooped
up with her grandmother all day?  And by the way, she hoped he didn't
talk to his daughters the way he'd just talked about me.  She thought
she'd brought him up better than that, but she was obviously wrong.
Needless to say, Daughter didn't come to stay, and I never got an
apology.

Cut to several years later ..... my mother had remarried.  Suddenly,
Brother and his family couldn't do enough for the two of them, taking
them out to lunch, popping down to visit .... the remaining siblings
(I'm one of five) found it positively nauseating.

Brother had a major wedding anniversary, with party (I had to work that
weekend - boo hoo).  Mum and husband went.  And after that, the
communication stopped.  Brother stopped phoning her, other than once
every few weeks.  No more visits or lunches out.

Just over a year after that, Mum's husband died quite suddenly.
Although well into his nineties, he was very fit for his age.  The day
he went down with peritonitis (the thing that killed him) he'd been
pottering around in the garden, out for a walk - so when he went from
enjoying life to stone dead in the space of a week, Mum was completely
sideswiped.

It became apparent about four days after he was taken ill that he wasn't
going to pull through without several major miracles.  My two other
brothers took it upon themselves to phone Brother 1, and tell him a)
what was happening and b) to get his a*se in gear and talk to Mum.  They
also found out why he'd suddenly cut Mum out of his life:

The wedding anniversary do was in October.  The weather was chilly, and
Mum and husband had decided it was too cold to stand outside in the
garden where the party was taking place, choosing to sit down in the
warm.  And that was their crime.  The reason why my brother and his wife
had chosen to ostracise them.   Needless to say, both brothers told him
how petty he sounded - was that really the best excuse he could manage?
Apparently, it was.

Mum also chose to speak to Brother herself to see if she could get to
the bottom of it.  He informed her that, despite the fact she'd just
been widowed, she needn't expect him to come and visit her - she lived
too far away.  "Too far" is 40 miles, most of it motorway.  He's
semi-retired, and has no dependants.  I know people that travel more
than that on a daily basis to get to work and back.

Since then, communications have improved, but he only phones when his
wife is out.  He hardly talks to any other members of the family.  When
Mum went into hospital earlier this year, he rang one brother to find
out how she was - didn't get an answer (brother was away) so just left a
message on his answerphone.  Didn't phone the other brother or, indeed,
either of his sisters.

And he's still not been to visit her - although he blithely phoned her
up one day and told her all about the lovely day he'd spent in Hythe
with his wife, eldest daughter and her kid.  I'll give you three guesses
where my mum lives ....

We traditionally all get together at my youngest brother's just before
Christmas to exchange presents and chat - Mum loves having us all under
one roof, even if just for a couple of hours.  But for the past three
years he's always had "something else on".  This year, his excuse was
that they were going away on a cruise.  But .... shortly before they
were due to travel, he went down with flu, and was forbidden to go by
his doctor.  Do I feel any sympathy?  Do I heck.

I really do wish he'd just come out with it, and admit that he really
doesn't want anything to do with the rest of us any more, and make the
break. Personally, I already think I've probably seen the last of him
until my mother dies, and then he'll suddenly swing into Eldest Son
mode.  He'll have the four other siblings to contend with before he even
sets foot in my mother's house, much less touches any of her property.
Oh - hold on.  If Mum's house is too far for him to travel to while
she's alive, then it's certainly too far for him to travel to when she's
not ......

OK  But evil mother-in-law stories are a dime a dozen.

I first met my mother in law about five months after I got married.  The
evening before we were to take a two week car trip with her and my FIL.  The
two of them were at our apartment when I got home from work and Charlie had
gone out to run an errand.  So we were left to introduce ourselves.  In the
very first conversation I had with MIL, within the first minute or two, she
managed to tell me how relieved she had been when Charlie's ex wife had
remarried.  That she had been so worried the ex would manage to get pregnant
and have a child that would then bear the "family" name.

Now Charlie never much talked about his ex, and never once had a bad word to
say about her when he did.  Even bringing her up would have been a bit much.
And she had been MIL's daughter-in-law for eight years.   I suppose MIL was
trying the old "lets you and me hate her: ploy to make friends, but it left
me cold and there was no way I would ever even begin to trust her after
that.

Charlie never really got why I didn't get on with his mother.  (I didn't
share the above with him for years)  But I could always tell when he was
about to call her on the phone.  First he would get out a glass.  Fill it
with ice.  And then fill it with bourbon.  Only time he ever drank it
straight, and I never saw him call her without doing that first.

Fast forward fifteen years.  MIL is now a widow.  And has started an affair
with a neighbor who's wife is a friend of hers.  And wants to talk about it
in great detail.  And wants to try to make every one agree with her that she
really isn't doing anything wrong.  Rather loudly.  In front of my young
teenage daughters.  Wrong move.  That was the first time I broke down and
chewed her out.

A few more years and she is telling my SIL that Charlie has said he will cut
her out of our lives if she doesn't break up with her latest boyfriend.  And
various other tales of how Charlie is meddling in her life.  SIL calls
indignant, and gets me on the phone instead of Charlie.  Told her, this is
your brother we are talking about.  You know him.  Can you in your wildest
imagination think of him saying such things?  He is still the guy you know
and love.  Never happened, never will.

She spent the last two years of her life living with SIL who had to put up
with constant yammering about how she would rather be living with us and how
much nicer it would be to live with us and how we were so much nicer to her
than they were.

But other than the cousin who shut the door on her own finger and then told
her mother I did it (we were about four at the time and my mother saw what
happened) I've never had a problem with any other family member.  About 20
cousins are all planning on going on a cruise together next year.

Jo

Well my brother and I are always exchanging gag gifts as well as the
real thing. Last year I put a few litter box treasures into a Ziploc bag
and wrapped it all up nice in a box, Xmas wrapping, and a bow. As he
opened it on Xmas morning he started to smell this awful smell and
immediately burst out laughing. But this year I have already starting
looking over my shoulder. "But I'm innocent I tell you"!
So to carry on the true meaning of this thread...anyone else?

 Bob

Okay... this is maybe a case of caring TOO much.  When I first hooked back
up with my long-lost, John, we talked on the phone for months (I despise
talking on the phone but he's 7 hours away and doesn't own a computer).
After a while it became obvious we had to see each other again so we planned
our reunion trip.  That went *very* well and we decided oh yeah, gonna do it
again.  This time he was working a show in Kansas and by then I'd lost my
job so he said why not come work with me?

I let my middle brother know where I'd be and how to reach me in case of
emergency.  BUT I knew if I told my dad I'd gone on a trip with John he'd
have a hissy fit - why are you travelling when you just lost your job? - so
I didn't tell my parents.  I even called my mom from the show that Saturday
but I pretended I was at a crafts fair with my friend.  I know, (1) I
shouldn't have lied and (2) I'm in my 40's, it's my business what I do.

Anyway, Dad tried to call me on Sunday and didn't get an answer.  He tried
my cell phone, too, but I'd locked it in my purse in John's truck.  For some
reason Dad became alarmed; I guess I'm not allowed to leave the house and
there must be a law about answering the phone which I was not aware of.

Dad called my middle brother who, bless him, was helping me keep up the
subterfuge (he knows how my dad is) and said maybe I was out with a friend.

Here's where it gets hinky.  Dad didn't like that answer.  He called my
oldest brother, whom he doesn't even speak to!  Well, my oldest brother is a
bit of a kook.  He drove to my apartment, found my car there and I didn't
answer my door.  He reported back to my father I didn't answer, my car was
there and "mail was piled up all over".  (It wasn't, btw - when I returned
home there were 2 catalogs, a store flyer and one letter which the post
office neglected to hold.)

The next day I was packing up to fly back home.  My middle brother called my
cell phone.  Where are you?  I'm in Kansas.  Well, says he, everyone's
panicking and you need to call dad.  He finally broke down and told him I
was out of town with John; he couldn't take being stuck in the middle and I
don't blame him for that.  He explained to me about our oldest brother
having fanned the flames of panic.  He warned me to be prepared to be read
the "riot act" when I talked with Dad.  Apparently he'd already heard the
"riot act" LOL

I did NOT call my father that day.  John and I spent the rest of our time
together before I had to head to the airport.  By the time I got home that
evening it was too late to call their time zone.

The next day I called.  I was indeed read the riot act.  Dad went through a
litany of all the men I've ever dated, which makes it sound like a parade
but in truth, has only been a few guys.  He cited each one as "worthless,
useless, shiftless" (you name it) who all dumped me (not true).  Thank
goodness he didn't remember who John was because he did say something about
"that artist who was never gonna amount to anything" LOL  He then chastized
me severely for daring to go anywhere without first finding a job and
suggested I apply at WalMart as a greeter. (!)  He said don't you dare ever
ask me for a dime, not one nickle; I don't care if you're on the street, I
won't help you. (Nice, Dad, thanks.)

Of course I was upset.  I didn't realize he was keeping accounts on my
friends and relationships.  I did realize he was mostly upset because I lied
about where I was - and perhaps you can understand why I lied LOL.

I steeled myself and called him a few days later and apologized, saying I
was wrong to lie to them.  I took John's advice and any time Dad tried to
start pointing fingers and criticizing, I just interrupted with, "I love
you."  That finally shut Dad up.

This was back in May.  He still, to this day, will only speak to me briefly
before handing the phone to my mom.  Dad is one to hold a grudge.  It's a
darn shame, too, because he's 80 years old and not in the best of health.

Mom is, thankfully, not like that.  We chat on the phone once a week and I
write her snail mail every week or so.  Dad won't read my letters so I don't
even address them to both of them anymore. (sigh)

Jill