Purrs for this family and for you too. Her Father is probably felling
powerless and as Granby said needs to do "something". The death of a
child is so unfair and impossible to rationalize.

Suz&Spicey

I find this to be true at one point or another. It may take years
before the blame game begins. Grief and it's stages are not linear. As
far as someone letting the counselor know, We went to a trained grief
counselor. She was hyper aware of our reactions even if we were both
adament we were not acting that way. (At this time it was anger. We
both did not have even an ounce of anger to begin with. Later.... I'm
having difficulty with being in the presence of some family members
and it's been over three years and a recent development) Maybe if
someone wants to point it out to the counselor, that's helpful but
it's like pointing out to a doctor your throat hurts after tonsils
have been removed. It doesn't matter what way you display a certain
action, but it will be done.

Sadly, I think this man is going to do what we were warned not to do.
That's "Shrine Behavior". My mother has her little Eve shrine, a small
shelf that has a couple photos and little trinkets. I have my trinkets
to, but they're scattered everywhere... a duck in the bedroom, my
lipstick she played with in my make-up case... Mom fanatically visited
the cemetery weekly. To the point Jody was bullnosed into adding dirt
to a low spot on the grave Christmas Eve because it was wet and she
didn't want Eve sitting in water. That's dangerous. That's something
I'd watch for when the time comes Yowie. Knowing it's coming I'm not
sure, I'm not trained, but I'd give a pretty good guess he's going to
start displaying similar behavior to this. It depends on the next
couple weeks, if he "runs out of steam" cleaning the house.  I'd say
cleaning is the absolute best thing he can do. Because at the end of
the day, when the house is clean, and everything has been scrubbed....
nothing has changed. It's going to force him to face the inevitable.

As far as the marriage. They're stressed, extremely so. It doesn't
matter if it's finances, building a house, having a baby, burying a
parent, being laid off. You know marriages crack during stress. ;)  I
wouldn't give up on them yet. Everybody I know in my local area, that
I know personally... The only two couples that I can say absolutely
yes, they divorced after a child's death was my high school ex-
boyfriend's father's first marriage (he had four), and Jody's uncle
(he's on his second) and that was decades ago. It's still true,
couples either make it, or they don't. But I'll tell you, even with
our divorce rate being so high in this decade personally I only see
people from my father's generation that are still saying "you'll make
it or you won't and chances are you won't". Many couples in their
thirties are making it, more than they used to be. I'd like to say
that's due to the increase in recognition that depression is real and
treatable, antidepressants are an honest drug and counselling isn't so
terrible.  If they support one another, even when they don't agree
with how their partner may be reacting to their daughter's illness,
that's the important thing. I never felt angry towards Jody because of
Eve's death. But I've spent a few grumpy off nights because I'm boo-
hooing at 2am and he's snoring oblivious to my grief. Most of the time
he'll wake up and pat me until I calm down. But then he snores again.
Typical male.

*huggles* I'll keep Siobhan in my prayers.

My husband was really sick a month before he died.  The people I remember
most are the ones who let me talk and didn't try to change my mind about
everything I said.  He has that, can't think of the right name, flesh eating
disease and was a bad diabetic.  I remember saying "I should Have"  the ones
I remember most never said things like, there was nothing you could do, or
it isn't your fault, they just let me say what I wanted and held me when I
cried.  That is what I do for others.

Been there, done that with my 18 year old son.  Prayers for the heart and
minds of the families.