<snipped very entertaining portrait of her cats if they had been
humans>

Maggy May would be everyone's mom or grandmom. She would have children
and grandchildren all over the country and keep in close touch with
all of them. More than that, she would seek out other people's
children who needed a hug or a pep talk and give them what they
needed. She would probably be a good cook or at least have a great
interest in food. She would be a plump but very small older lady whose
dress was neat but dowdy. She would favor whatever politics would be
good for "the children."

Winnie would be quiet and kind. He wouldn't tell many jokes but he
would laugh merrily and make those around him happy. He wouldn't be
very macho but he would love the ladies. However, his first love would
be his mother, Maggy May, and he would still talk to her on the phone
every day and have dinner at her place once a week. She would nag him
about settling down and giving her some grandkids. He would be a
handsome young fellow in what they call an ice-cream suit.

Missy would be a very private person. A slender older spinster who
often dressed exactly like her mother, Maggy May. She would have a few
close friends and otherwise no one would notice her. She would do
crosswords and possibly play a little bridge with her mother and some
other close friends. When they could get him to play, Winnie would be
very good at the game. She would have a temper.

Sunrise would be a ingenue trying to adapt to becoming a character
actress. Still beautiful and elegant, she would not be getting the
leading roles anymore. She would often watch a video, not of an entire
film but simply of her saying the line "I have always depended on the
kindness of strangers." She would be gracious to others in her
neighborhood, especially the handsome young Winnie, but she was
clearly used to better. She spends part of every day reading "Variety"
and "Billboard." She would over-dress for almost every occasion. At
home, she would lounge about in sweats and dancing shoes.

WooToo would be an older lady who had never been very sociable. She
came from a home where she interacted with only one person and she was
frightened when she arrived in this crowded house. Maggy May and,
surprisingly, Sunrise got her out of her shell and now she sometimes
joins in the bridge game and often visits back and forth with the
others. She dresses plainly and neatly and she sleeps a great deal.

Feather (RB) would be a night person. Hunting the dark places of the
world, this handsome young man would spend most of his time in Ninja
garb.

Will in New Haven

--

"He was born with the gift of laughter and the knowledge that the
world was mad."
_Scaramouche_ by Raphael Sabatini

HRFL Tiger would live up to his name. He's very much a ladies man, but
of the old school - impecable manners and probably something to do
within senior government. He's very diplomatic.

Robbie would be a real "Luvvey Dahling" poet Oscar Wilde type, with a
smoking jacket and cigarette in a holder.

Miss Lily Whiskers would be a tomboy - always getting into scrapes and
trouble. She'd have skinned knees where she had scraped them, have a
dirty smudge on her face, socks around her ankles, and be the one who
managed to kick the football through the window and break it.

Cleo would be a melodramatic drama queen. Every time there was a
calamity (real or imagined) she'd be rush around the house yelling "Oh
my God! Think of the children!!" and swooning in a faint.

Pandora would be a very refined lady, who had perfect manners and kept
herself to herself. Quite opinionated, but not pushy, just well
mannered.

Helen M

Persia would be a DIVA in the truest sense of the word.  She'd get food, any
food, on demand.  She'd be temperamental, even haughty and arrogant one
moment and snuggly and cuddling the next, which of course is a Diva's right.
But at 6AM, like it or not, breakfast better be ready.

Jill

I love this.  Stinky would be Jimmy Stewart or Cary Grant.  Dante would be
Jimmy Cagney or a Marx Brother. ;)

Ooooh....some of these were easy, and some were kinda hard...

Emma: a preppie. Always neatly dressed, always with her hands neatly
folded looking prim and proper and refined. And right underneath that
layer of refinement...a playful girl with a wicked sense of humor.

Shane: duuuuuuude...this guys skateboards, is really good looking but
does nothing to take care of it, has kinda long kinda disheveled hair
and is friendly to everyone. Slightly spaced out most of the time but
always good for a major session of 'boarding.

Cinder: the somewhat older, no longer popular fashion model. Dresses
well, looks good, but is neurotically insecure and constantly seeks
reassurance from those around her. Believes she still is making millions
and tries to live like that. And fails.

Jezebel: the woman from "Play Misty For Me". Need I say more?

Miss Kitty: The enthusiastic, overweight woman who volunteers for
everything, never quite has clothing that matches, distributes hugs
indiscriminately and is quite vocal about How Things Ought to Be.

Princess: a refined, genteel older lady, a bit of a recluse, would
prefer to live alone in the family mansion with a single devoted
servant. May be agoraphobic, in reality, but she'll never show it.

Tigger (RB): the space case. That's it. Wanders about going "huh"?

Fearless: Used to be a great hunter in Africa, donchaknow, brought down
many trophy animals. And is living on the memory, for the most part, and
tells stories repeatedly. Wears hunting garb at all times. Still can
kill fearsome beasts (or at least mice and rabbits) despite looking all
tottery and frail.

Louie (RB): The humble but intelligent and personable, independently
wealthy renaissance man, dresses well but modestly, is friends with
everyone he meets (unless you are TED), helps numerous charities but
never wants the credit; willingly lets small children climb all over him
and pull on his beard...at least for a while.

-Tiger would turn immediately into Jackie mason, including mumbling to
himself.
-Trudi would dress daringly then slap me who looked or tried to touch while
she put flowers in her hair and mumbled the vilest of swear words under her
breath.
-TV would sit in front of the television watching, hoping he had a woman to
bring his food and bear because acquiring either would tax his brain too
much, said same woman would also have to operate the remote as this would
simply be too complex... he would however make it worth said woman's while
in the affection department.
-OEJ, would be an activist, giving speeches about something, being too busy
to do anything but run around and talk.
-Stormmee would find someone,*currently DH*  devote herself to them and
complain when they didn't appreciate what she was doing... she would have no
trouble getting into a fight to protect her man.
-Chester, would not be opposed to smoking a little dope and partying all the
time, but he might not smoke too much because he is so laid back its not
really necessary to relax or munch food.

Lee

My two would be two latchkey kids who live in a broken home with their
widower parent.  Dot would be the older sister, who has an opinion
about how to set the table and how to behave around guests, although
she hasn't learned how to cook yet.  Buster would be a normally
reserved boy who engages in quiet hobbies such as stamp collecting and
fly tying.  He loves to think that he's helping dad with his latter
hobby, and likes to accompany him on fishing trips.

KittyFC would be Germaine Greer, fierce feminist.  Boyfie, such a gentle
kind boy would probably be a wildlife photographer for the BBC.

It's not easy to take out the inherent catness and see what's left! But
here goes:

Miranda would be a gorgeous long-legged girl in her late teens, and well
aware of her beautiful looks. Spoiled rotten, and expecting adoration
from everyone, as long as they kept a respectful distance. Very
opinionated. But sometimes when alone with Mum, she'd let down her tough
exterior and be a cuddly little baby.

Caliban would be a not-too-bright but kind-hearted clown. The kind who
is funny all the time without meaning to be. This is also why he would
get along with everyone. To Mir he would be the bratty and annoying
little brother whom she loves but can't stand. His catch phrase is,
'Huh? Did I miss something? What'd I miss? Huh?'

Frank was such a gentleman all his life. Always courteous and kind
towards strangers. He took the best care of his adopted daughter and
always tried to protect her, though Nikki didn't really want protection.
He was a diplomat who tried to negotiate rather than fight with those
who tried to usurp his territory (on the island).

Nikki was a little punk. She adored her adopted Dad but no one else -
she hated the rest of the world. She caused Frank much grief with her
antics. She was a great huntress and didn't care who got hurt in the
process. Broke quite a few hearts during her lifetime, too. She was
opinionated, self-serving, and couldn't have cared less for social
conventions.

Muriel would be an elegant old lady who dressed exclusively in Liberty
silks and Barbour tweeds and read "The Lady" and "Country Life" while
complaining how downmarket they'd got lately.

Ishtar would be a little old housewife with a shopping cart who read
"The People's Friend" and "Australian Women's Weekly" and knew
everybody in the village.

Chloe would be a New Ageish ex-hippie who had a vast stack of self
help and astrology books and magazines with the corners of every page
about phobias turned back and half the stories circled in magic marker.

Marblecake would be a Glaswegian schemie mother starting to run to fat
dressed in a tracksuit and bling jewellery.  Reads celebrity magazines,
particularly ones with stories about stars abandoning their kids and
getting away with it.

Splodge would be a lad-to-Dad character with fading "Born to Raise Hell"
tattoos and interesting scars, the complete set of Nick Hornby books,
all the "Which" issues covering children's toys and every newspaper's
school league tables carefully filed away.

The kittens: Ollie would be a teenager who insisted on a clean white
shirt every day and read the Financial Times to be sure that his first
job would be with a firm whose pension plan was sound.  Courtney would
be a sk8er grrl in hotpants and a bandanna with a record number of
friends on her Facebook page and her main influence listed as Amy
Winehouse.

==== j a c k  at  c a m p i n . m e . u k  ===  <http://www.campin.me.uk> ====
Jack Campin, 11 Third St, Newtongrange EH22 4PU, Scotland == mob 07800 739 557
CD-ROMs and free stuff:  Scottish music, food intolerance, and Mac logic fonts

I know its only a "what if" question, and I've tried but for the life of me
I cannot imagine either Jake or Molly as any sort of a human.  Both have so
many contradictions in their personalities that would be incompatible with
life on the human plane.

Or to put it differently, no human could get away with what the two of them
get away with regularly.

Jo

I can run with this one.

Tanada would be that old spinster lady who chases kids out of her yard
and mutters nasty stuff about them.  All the kids swear that she's a
witch and throw eggs at her house on Halloween.

QC is everyone's mom.  All the neighbor kids come running to her after
Tanada gets done cussing at them.  She's soft and plushy and always
wears an old shirt dress and apron.

Merlin is a bully.  You know that insecure fat kid that can't stand to
see anyone else get attention in class so he beats them up instead.

Pine Cone is a biker gang member wanna be.  A macho man.  A free
spirit with an attitude.  He'd be wearing leathers and pulling down
the pints at the boozer.  He's also a lady's man and no girl would be
safe from him.

Huey is that kid that all teachers love.  He's so smart and
considerate, and caring.  Too bad the other kids can't stand him.
He's also a bit of a suck up.

Sonya is Huey's geek girlfriend.  She wears braces and wants to be
beautiful, not realizing that she already is.  She is usually dressed
in those clothes that should have come from the Salvation Army store,
if they didn't already.

Qui Gun Kit is that kid that bounces around the toughest kid around,
repeating every thing they say and trying to act as much like the
tough kid as possible.

Miss Calico Girl is the bad girl with a golden heart.  She's been
there, seen that, and most of it doesn't impress her.  However, when
she feels that someone is worthy, she'll defend them if possible.