When I first lost my job Dad started in with "you'll have to move in with
your brother" crap.  No, I'm not moving in with my brother.  Now he's got
Mom doing it.  I got so frustrated with her yesterday afternoon I finally
said I can't talk about this, gotta go.  I'm sure she was angry; I was
agitated.

Apparently they've been discussing this with my brother.  It's nice to know
the family is holding conferences to decide what is best for me, a
middle-aged woman.

My brother's friend works in Atlanta but his dad lives here, so when he
comes into town every few weeks he stays in my brother's guest bedroom.  Mom
informed me (1) I'll need to move in with Scott and (2) Scott is willing to
"kick [his friend] to the curb" (she actually USED that phrase!) so I can
have his room.  Have his ROOM.  (NOTE: my brother hasn't mentioned this to
me at all.)

First of all, HIS room is filled with MY furniture.  Digression:  I'm pretty
sure Judge Judy would say I abandoned that furniture and throw me out of
court if I tried to claim it.  Back when my brother and I rented a house
together in the 1980's (mutual decision) he didn't have any bedroom
furniture.  I'd bought my waterbed and a computer desk, so I loaned him the
bed, the large dresser with mirror, night stand and lamp.  These came to me
from my grandmother.  I kept the smaller tall chest of drawers and the
vanity from the set.

When he got married and built his house, I let him take it with him.  He
then bought their own bedroom furniture and used mine to furnish the guest
room.  That was okay; I didn't have a place to put it.

When he and I were roommates before it was fine for a number of years.  We
were both in our 20's.  It was a shared space.  My bedroom was literally a
'suite' with room enough for my king-size bed, night stands, chest of
drawers, vanity, bookcase, TV, stereo, computer desk with a private bath and
walk-in closet.  My brother had 2 bedrooms (one was his 'office') and a
bathroom which closed off from the kitchen at the other end of the house
with a closing door.  Complete privacy for both of us; common living area
(great room, dining, kitchen).  We each had our own phone lines.

If I move in with my brother (which I am NOT) going to do, I'd have one room
in HIS house.  And he'd never let me forget it.  It's just big enough for
the furniture that is in it now; you see my point?  No, my bed wouldn't fit
in it.  No, no place to put my PC.  I *might* be able to put a TV stand in
one corner.

Oh, but you could use his PC.  Really?  When?  When he decides I can?  And
is he gonna get upset when I install things on HIS machine?  You're damn
right he would.

Now, what about all my furniture?  That's 4 rooms plus my kitchen stuff (not
to mention my clothes which are spread between 2 walk-in closets).  Oh, we'd
put that in storage.  Really?  It would have to be climate-controlled so my
wood furniture doesn't warp.  I'm pretty sure you can guess in what areas of
town these storage places are located.  Can you say "unsavory"?  And any
idea what that would cost?  Might as well pay my rent.

Then there was the matter of him not being willing to take care of Persia
for even 4 days.  I'm not going *anywhere* without Persia.  Mom said oh, I'm
sure he wouldn't mind.  Maybe not, but let's see... in what part of his
always-perfect living room would I put the cat tree?  How about her litter
box?  Think he'd like it in the pristine guest bathroom (which, BTW, isn't
big enough for it anyway)?

I don't want to feel like a guest in my own home.  Of course it wouldn't be
*my own home*.  My brother means well, I'm sure.  They all mean well.  But
he'd never let me forget it's *his* house.

Then, of course, my brother loves to entertain.  That's nice for him.  There
were times when we were roommates when I felt like joining in; we did have
some good times!  No denying it.  But other times I just didn't want to deal
with it.  I'd shut myself in my 'suite' and read or watch TV.  If I wanted
to leave, I had sliding doors onto the atrium at the center of the house
which had an exit gate to the driveway; I'd just go out that way so as not
to bother anyone.

Persia would freak with a bunch of people in the house.  I know it would
stress her.  I know it would stress ME.

I got so upset I just got off the phone.  This is just another attempt to
CONTROL me.  Because of course, if I'm living there rent free I have to do
whatever they think I should, right?

My long-lost love, John, thinks I tell them too much.  Hey, I didn't tell
them anything other than I'd lost my job before Dad started in with this
move-in-with-your-brother stuff.  That was back in May.  Yes, I made a
mistake and told them I was pretty sure I had the jewelry store job.  I
truly thought I had it and wanted them to know I was doing fine.  I was
trying to reassure them (big mistake).

When Mom called yesterday I explained why it fell through and then she
started in.  She also said they think I can do "better" than working in a
store.  Oh, well, let's think about this, shall we?  Working for a big
corporation for 11 years certainly did me a lot of good.  Major stress,
pager duty.  And did they blink before they said "see ya"?

I'd really rather be encouraged than discouraged.  That's not happening
here.  They are making me feel like that character from the 'Lil Abner
cartoon strip who walks around with a storm-cloud over his head all the
time.  It doesn't help with my depression, thank you very much.

Sorry, I'm not moving in with my brother.  I'll find something.  (If I were
younger I might even consider exotic dancing, that would thrill them! Just
kidding.)

Before anyone suggests I move to another state to be with John:  Yes, it's
been wonderful reuniting with him after 23 years.  But we've really spent
comparatively little time together and aren't looking to jump into anything.
He is being very supportive, emotionally as well as financially.  We are
simply not at that next-step point yet.  (I can just picture packing up and
moving and then things not working out and hearing the "I told you so's".)
Then where would I be?

SEE, they've even got *me* thinking negative thoughts.  This is not good.
I'm pretty sure they don't even realize they are doing it.

Okay, I think that's the end of my rant. (big sigh)

Jill