What about us? :)

(snippage)

I can relate, Joyce.  I don't think you're a social failure.  If people sort
of  hold parts of their life back I can see where things might be a little
difficult and leave you feeling something is missing.

I have no idea how to go about making the kind of friendships you're talking
about.  I've never really been much of a social creature.  (John finds that
hard to believe since when we're working the art shows I can laugh and
schmooze with the best of them.  Sure, but that's not the same has having
close friends.)  I had two very close women friends but they both moved far
away years ago.  We still keep in touch via phone and email but it's not the
same thing as getting together with the girls for dinner or drinks.  With
those two, though, I felt a real connection.  Haven't had that for about 15
years now.

Jill

On 19 Nov., 02:34, jXwXeXrXmXoX...@sonic.net wrote:

I can relate. I am sort of at the same point right now.
My separation from people has reached a point where I really feel
I should go out again and reach out for people.
After I parted from my last living-partner, which was 1994, I kept
only "my " friends, the others seemed to vanish.
I had a couple of them but some are living all over the world, i.e.
USA, UK
which lets us only keep contact through email and postcards.
When I moved in 1999 from south-germany to an old house near Berlin
(east-germany)
my friends down south got lost over the years due to reasons I don`t
understand.
Maybe it is because everybody is busy with his own life.
So I am living in this rural area which is really nice to do but have
only
one close friend left. She lives in south germany, but we are heart-
connected
and phone every week to share lifes challenges.
Then I found a friend while working in a Berlin TelCo-Company who
developed to be
a real, good friend over the years. Even after he`s found a girl-
friend he keeps
contact. Which speaks for his strength. I`ve lost a lot of friends due
to their
girl-friends or new wifes forbidding them to have female friends.
What is it with women - a woman living alone seems to post a threat to
all other women.

There are days where I too wonder if I am a social failure, where I
miss
living together with a wonderful DH, but then I look around and see so
awful many
marriages and partnerships where people give each other living hell
and I again decide
that everything is ok with me. I won`t marry somebody just to not live
alone,
as many seem to do. If the right one will show up, ok, if not I won`t
force myself
into a situation where I am unhappy. To put it in other words:
Better sometimes unhappy alone as all the time unhappy in company.

There are many ways to live life and what do you mean by "social
failure"?
There is not such a thing as that.

And yes - my cats are nearest to me. I took on responsibility for
their well-being
which connects me closer to them as to people, cause people should be
able to
work it out by themselves.

Literature keeps many statements about friends and humankind.
One author said: "I`ve come to know man and decided I prefer dogs
(cats)."
Which is sort of disillusional but understandable.

Another source says: ...the older you get the more will you detect
that
real friendship is found seldomly. So If you find in your life 2-4
really
good friends who will accompany you throughout your whole live you are
lucky."

This statement seems to be true. A real soul-connection seems to
happen seldomly.

On the other hand one has to give fate a chance. Means that one has to
go out
and do things to meet other people, to make new friends.
Who knows - there might be a soul-connection waiting.

Now - sometimes I am scared as well by the prospect of getting
"the old lady with the lot of cats" who lives alone.

But this emotion results of looking at the statement from the
outside.
I learned for myself that it is only relevant to look at it
from my inside: "If I won't meet the right DH then I will
become the old lady who lives not alone cause I have my cats around."

It depends on how one judges a statement. And seen from my inside -
hey what is wrong with living together with cats?

The "Old lady" statement is only frightening because it judges the
situation
from the outside - seen from other people. Who cares what they might
think.

I would be a wonderful old lady living happily until I die.
I would chase little boys who try to steal apples from my appletree.
Just that they have the fun of being chased.<g>
I would be a threat to every house-door selling agent who tries to
cheat on little old ladies.

So if life makes me an old cat lady I would make the really best of
it.<g>

No Joyce, you`re not alone.

Even married people or people with lots of friends have phases where
they feel abandoned.
But I've also learned that there are always new friends to make.

love

Bettina

On Nov 18, 6:34 pm, jXwXeXrXmXoX...@sonic.net wrote:

I see nothing weird abut your non-aggressive social interaction,
Joyce. When I
lived in your general area during the 80's,  relatives and I used to
attend and
enjoy meetings of animal-rights groups in the Presidio, and there were
many
different groups there as well. Contacts assure me that the situation
is still
ongoing there....perhaps nearer to where you live is a similar central
location
where you could investigate/participate in something you either enjoy
a lot
or strongly believe in? "Meeting people" is a guarantee....
I sure like the "friend store" you mention....I'd like to drop in
there myself,
especially if it were similar to Blockbuster - drop off your present
holdings
and shop for new ones by category, LOL. What a cool idea!
Cats can always be relied on, unlike hoomins. Relied upon to act like
cats.
There was a young lady from Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
Cats being cats, ROFL.

I can relate too, Joyce. Enough that it scares me. I used to have a
social group where I hung out, but that has been gone for over a year
now.  It just seems like such an effort to socialize now.  Since I
work with mostly guys, I have very few 'friends' at work, just one
lady from another department (but she's a GREAT friend).  But at home,
I have my sewing, my digital cable with DVR, the computer, the piano,
and enough other toys that there is a definite danger of becoming a
hermit.  Nearly all of my dearest friends are online.
What would we do without the Internet?

Jane
- owned and operated by the Princess Rita

cats never judge, they just love, makes sense to me that you are closer to
the cat.  I am 48 and have many pleasant acquaintances but I can count on 1
hand the amount of people I truly trust.  and trust is the real basis for
friendship.  amount of friends and frequency of visits of friends are not
the score card, your satisfaction with those things is the determination, if
its good for you then you are a success, if not you just change, even though
it takes time there is no failure here, Lee

Hi Joyce,

I was randomly checking out Google groups and, of course, went to my
first and deepest love - cats. As I scanned the

recent message headers, yours rang a (very loud) bell.

I've often claimed to have been a cat in another lifetime. Aside from
the fact that my favorite passtimes are eating,

being massaged, and sleeping, I really do tend to prefer feline
company to the human variety. I am lucky enough to

have a soulmate husband, whom I adore, but even so, there were times
that I felt closer to my soulmate cat, Molly, who

had to be put down last May. I had another cat Emma at the time, and I
adopted a rescue cat Jenny Linsky in Molly's

honor, but Molly was the one. I've got to say that her death was
pretty much on a par with my mother's in terms of

hard-to-deal-with-ness. In fact, in a very concrete way, I've missed
Molly more. I'm about to turn 52 tomorrow, and

it's been many many decades since I cuddled on a daily basis with my
mother! So I don't think you're at all out of

line to feel closer to your cats than to your friends, nor do I think
you're destined to become "a crazy cat lady." In

fact, anyone who can navigate Google groups and figure out how to post
to the group *and* to the author (that rules me

out) is far too savvy to become a crazy anything.

Still, I can relate. My husband and daughter spend a week every summer
at some cabins with his extended family. And

they are *really* extended; sometimes up to 40 people at a time.
They're great people, but I generally stayed home

with Molly. I just felt more comfortable with her. This past summer I
did go with my human family, because I was

afraid I'd be too sad at home without Molly, with only the constant
fighting of my two cats (another story) to

entertain me. I still missed Molly. Emotions are by nature non-
sensical.

It's amazing as a species how loving and sweet cats tend to be. Nine
times out of ten, you can go to a shelter and

find a feline friend who will always be there for you, or at least be
there for you when she's not accidentally locked

overnight in the linen cabinet, or leaping out of her little mind
inside a politically incorrect paper grocery bag.

But as you say, you can't go to the friends store and pick out someone
who will still love you and accept you

unconditionally ten years later.

So anyhow I'm taking up a lot of space to say that I don't think you
should worry about yourself. I think it's the

human race that's the problem; not humans who've found solace in cats.
One of the most wonderful things about cats is

that if you accidentally hurt them, step on their tail or whatever,
they'll come to you for comfort. It doesn't occur

to them that a friend can be intentionally hurtful. And if they do
fight, it's with each other. My current non-friend

cats haven't gotten it into their heads to escape and wage war on the
entire feline population of my neighborhood

simply because they don't like each other and are vying for the same
territory. And they're both still sweet and

loving to me.

So.... Either you're quite sane, or we're both nuts, along with a lot
of people who seem to have posted really kind

replies to your post.

On Nov 18, 8:34 pm, jXwXeXrXmXoX...@sonic.net wrote:

On Nov 18, 8:34 pm, jXwXeXrXmXoX...@sonic.net wrote:

I've been wanting to reply to this, but have been pre-occupied with my
own problems.  I've not been a very good friend.  That being said, one
of the bad parts about being married to/or in the military is that you
lose people over the years and your best bet is to depend on your
immediate family for support.  It's a sorta us against the outsiders
mentality, but as those of you who have been connected to the military
know, few civilians understand what we go through.  You in this group
know because I whined (OK, still whine) about it a lot.

Roxy is a member of your family.  Being a cat she can relate to a lot
of your problems more than any male can.  Not only that, but since she
is not your bio-child and not of a younger generation, Roxy has no ax
to grind.  She will not use what you tell her against you, accepts you
for who you are without condition, and loves you no matter what you
tell her.  I wish human friends were like that.

However we all need the human touch.  The hardest part for me in being
a friend is to be as accepting as the cats are.  I am horrible about
spotting other people's faults and trying to help them out.  Which
really means that I am or can be a stuck up prig, or is that pig?
I've been working on this one a long time, and I'm finally getting a
little more accepting of others.  I have a problem with what we call
"willful stupidity"  also known in Engvald land as "Here's Your
Sign."  I'm getting better about listening and think that I might make
a good catley friend in a century or two. I'm just glad that you all
cut me a lot of slack.

Pam S. trying to be a better person than the witch that she is.

You are not a failure of any kind, Joyce.
Lots of purrs and best wishes that you meet lots of interesting and kind
people,
Polonca and Soncek