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Cat Forum / Cat Anecdotes / October 2007Missing Shmogg
Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring (which still hurts - more on that later) was working. But last night for no particular reason i just broke down again. For a cat that in his last weeks pretty much only slept and drank, and whose main interactions with me was to annoy me by walking across the keyboard, I miss him so much. I miss his face, I miss the smell of his fur, I miss the curled up blob on the freezer, I miss his meows, I miss his bastard cat tricks. I even miss him walking across the keyboard. But mostly I just miss knowing he's here somewhere to welcome a petting. I miss *my* Shmogglebeast, my pusspuss, my loyal and constant companion for 16 years who went through so much with me. I *still* see him out of the corner of my eye curled up somewhere - it usually just turns out to be a scrunched up t-shirt that has been carelessly strewn rather than put in laundry basket, but for that split second, he's still here and everythign is All Right and The Way Its Supposed To Be again. And then the reality hits and I sigh, knowing that it isn't true, and that I have to accept that Shmogg is no longer inthis earthly plane. I feel bad for not spending as much time as I used to with him since Cary came into my life, I regret not being able to do more for him. Sometimes, I feel like I ought to aplogise for Joel, Fluff & Cary coming into our lives, each addition to my family leaving less time for him. My thoughts can run through a gamut of 'what ifs' and I have to go and do something else to derail that set of thoughts or I'll just go further down into that spiralling black pit of depression. My head still knows that it was time for him to go, that he wasn't happy or healthy and having him stick around just fo rme would have been selfish and cruel, but my heart, oh my heart just wants more time, more time. Damn, for 6kg of furry piss & vinegar, he left a whomping ginormous hole in my heart. I miss you, buddy. Yowie  SignatureIf you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? None, icecream doesn't have bones. > Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring > (which still hurts - more on that later) was working. [quoted text clipped - 34 lines] > > Yowie Of course you do. My god, I hurt terribly for over a year when my little dog Sampson died. I was 21 when he came into my life and approaching 40 when he died. That's a very long time. They grow with you. They experience life and all the changes life involves right along with you. It's too soon to think you won't feel hurt or miss Shmogg. I still feel hurt about Sampson from time to time. It will never go away. But your experience with Shmogg will continue to enrich you forever. Hold fast to that and all you still have. Continued purrs for you and your family. Jill Young lady, it is far too soon to be feeling anything but what you are feeling. Stop beating yourself up, you heart will someday catch up with your head but, until it does, enjoy the memories. Sometimes they are what we have and, how aweful it would be not to have them. I pity people who can not look back and smile about something and I know a few of them. Keep on keeping on and it will be diggerent by and by. >> Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring >> (which still hurts - more on that later) was working. [quoted text clipped - 46 lines] > > Jill > Damn, for 6kg of furry piss & vinegar, he left a whomping ginormous hole in > my heart. > > I miss you, buddy. > > Yowie That's perfectly normal, Yowie. It's also healthy. It's just evidence of how much Shmogg meant to you, and how big your heart is to be able to feel that much love. Yowie there has not been a day pass that I have no thought of what was going on with you. Hold strong A friend wrote this awhile ago on my one year anniversary with rpca. I thought it was appropriate On the spur of the moment You can share joy and happiness With the blink of an eye You can disclose sadness and mourning In next to no time there will be someone Helping you along for better or worse Whether you are living next door Or a continent and an ocean away No one cares About gender, age, race, religion and education You may never meet cat or human face to face But you sure meet a friend when you need one Author Micha <pegastar-752878@centermail.net> > Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring > (which still hurts - more on that later) was working. [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > > Yowie [snips] >Damn, for 6kg of furry piss & vinegar, he left a whomping ginormous hole >in >my heart. Ain't that the truth. Next month, Presto will have been gone four years. I have a digital picture frame, and several pictures of him. Even now, my heart goes into my throat when I see his pretty golden eyes looking out at me. He was a good cat, and I miss him. Fortunately, the current feline company keeps me on my toes... Hugs and Purrs, Mark SignatureProof of Sanity Forged Upon Request > Next month, Presto will have been gone four years. I often think about his last moments, because it was so touching. I remember you posting that he climbed on you, wrapped his front paws around your neck, buried his head in your neck, and then passed away. It was as though he knew something was wrong, and he wanted to feel safe with his daddy. You've written a lot about how much these cats mean to you, but it's also clear that you mean a whole lot to them, too. Joyce he is still here remember that, just sit quietly and you will hear him purring, right there, hear it, its in your heart, Lee > Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring (which > still hurts - more on that later) was working. [quoted text clipped - 35 lines] > If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many > pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? None, icecream doesn't have bones. > I miss you, buddy. > > Yowie So do we, Vicky. Purrs for your aching heart. Shmogg is playing the ultimate BCT on you, chuckling in great health at the RB. Perhaps you'll still see him from time to time "checking in". Sam, closely supervised by Mistletoe <gentle snip> > Damn, for 6kg of furry piss & vinegar, he left a whomping ginormous hole in > my heart. > > I miss you, buddy. {{{Vicky}}} It seems you are having exactly the same thoughts as I did when Frank left us. I'm afraid the worst may still be coming. The first couple of months I was in a daze, though I cried for him every day. But it was only after several months had gone by that the pain really hit. Please don't hesitate to come here and vent if that happens to you. We are all here for you. I promise, it does get better. You just have to get the grief out. These days, I do miss Frank and Nikki every day, but it's more about remembering the good times with them, not about remembering their deaths. {{{Vicky}}} SignatureMarina, Miranda and Caliban. In loving memory of Frank and Nikki. > Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring (which > still hurts - more on that later) was working. [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > > Yowie How about some Cary stories. Bare kittens are interesting too. MLB Yowie, the fact that you miss him so much is a testament to how close you were to him, and how much you loved each other. Jeanette [Missing Shmogg] > Damn, for 6kg of furry piss & vinegar, he left a whomping ginormous hole in > my heart. > > I miss you, buddy. > > Yowie I know how you feel! Michael SignatureSquare Dance is friendship put to music Andrea and Michael with furball Merlin > Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it' Be fairer on yourself, bereavement isn't like a dose of the 'flu to be quickly "gotten over". Most of us here can probably tell you how grief ebbs & flows like waves and may last for years. On waking this very morning my first thought was of Aries who's been RB for nearly 14 years. Our loved ones never fully leave us, thankfully, nor ever will do so while we have memory. We should just try to dwell on the years of good times rather than the trough of the time of their loss. Which is an aspiration and easier said than done of course. But one day..... HTH Purrs gordon & the FF {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Yowie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} still purring for you >Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring (which >still hurts - more on that later) was working. [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > >Yowie > Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring > (which still hurts - more on that later) was working. [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > > Yowie ((((((((((((((((Yowie))))))))))))))))) On the very slight bright side, nobody knows better that we do how you feel. How they get into your heart and take it over. My darling Stinky is 16 now, and although he's very healthy and active for that age, I hate to think of what I must think of. I cannot imagine my life without him, but I know that will happen. I look at him very often, and thank whatever powers that be for this day with him, and the sheer luxury of having such a sweet little being in my life for so long. He *is* my heart. > Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring > (which still hurts - more on that later) was working. [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > > Yowie I know just how you're feeling, Vicky. I'm the same way about Bandit. I've even caught myself calling Sammy "Bandit" - it's hard to get out of the habit of talking to her. For 17 years, every single work day I said, "Bye my Bandit, you be Mommy's good girlie and I'll see you later, I love my Bandit". I said those same words to her on the day she went to the Bridge, June 4th of this year. I can only hope that I *will* see her "later". :< Hugs, CatNipped <snip> > Damn, for 6kg of furry piss & vinegar, he left a whomping ginormous > hole in my heart. > > I miss you, buddy. {{{{{{{{{{{{ Yowie }}}}}}}}}}}} I think every one of us understands how you feel. :-( SignatureAdrian >Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring (which >still hurts - more on that later) was working. [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > >Yowie Not a single day goes by that I still don't miss my beloved Lucky and Blizzard, who have been gone now for over 8 and 6 years, respectively. Yesterday, I was down in the basement, and I saw Lucky's and Blizzard's food and water bowls. I could never bear to throw them out, or give them away. Now, they just gather dust on a shelf, and I see them almost every time I go down into the basement. You never really 'get over it'. At least, I hope I never do, because I like to think about Lucky and Blizzard every day, and all the joy they brought into my life. The hole in my heart is small now, but it will never close completely. Over time, missing Shmogg will be less and less painful; and eventually you will mainly remember all the wonderful times you had together. But, you will always miss him, I think. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Life without cats would be only marginally worth living." -TC, and the unmercifully, relentlessly, sweet calico kitty, Kenzie. How you behave towards cats here below determines your status in Heaven. - Robert Heinlein Life is very difficult. Once you understand that, life becomes easier. -Buddha > Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring (which > still hurts - more on that later) was working. [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > > Yowie Lots and lots of purrs and gentle hugs for you, Vicky, we are thinking of you, Polonca and Soncek |
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