See, this is what worries me.  I think everyone here knows how I feel about
my Sammy girl - if *ANYTHING* changed her or our relationship I would be
extremely unhappy and probably very, very resentful, I'm beginning to feel
that way now (just being honest here).  For three and a half years now she
has been my constant companion no matter where I am in the house.  All I had
to do was look around and there she was, she snuggled next to me at night
and she sat next to me on the sofa during the day (often sucking her toe as
she kneaded on me).  But in the last four and a half weeks I have only seen
her when I crouch down to look under my bed and then she scoots back away
from me like I was going to hurt her.  Even though Tayla has only been out
and about for supervised visits since Thursday - just the smell and sound of
her in the house has had my little wussy cat terrified, being chased and
growled at by Tayla has just added even more shivering fear.  She won't come
out to eat or use the litter box until the middle of the night.  I don't
want Sammy's personality to change, I don't want to sacrifice my
relationship with her - I'm still hurting too badly over my loss of Bandit
less than two months ago.

Ben was as close to his Jessie cat - for seven years she has ridden his
shoulder around the house, sat on his belly as he watched TV, licked and
groomed his beard and followed him around like a puppy.  Since Thursday she
has been crouched on top of the refrigerator next to the wall trying to make
herself as small has possible.  She won't come down to eat or use the
litterbox until the middle of the night (we have to put down more food after
Tayla is locked up since she goes around and eats every scrap from every
bowl in the house).

Jessie and Sammy used to run and play together and watch the squirrels
together and sun together - now they hardly ever see each other and of the
two times they did, Sammy was stressed enough to chase Jessie away!

Putting Tayla back in her room only causes her to meow non-stop (to me this
is like a baby crying and I want to go and do whatever it takes to comfort
her and make it stop).  But the only thing that makes her stop is letting
her out.  As soon as she is let out she runs to every food dish in the house
and cleans it out (and this after the vet told us to cut her food intake by
a third since she has gained a pound and a half since we've had her and is
overweight).  After she eats everyone's food she then proceeds to hunt down
every adult cat in the house and chase them into hiding, and then finds the
kittens and starts growling, biting and hitting them.

I just don't think putting her back in the room for any length of time is
going to help - as I said, even with her in her room Sammy hides under my
bed and (now) Jessie hides on top of the fridge.  Then, eventually, she
would have to be let out and I think all the commotion would just start up
again.

If I were running a shelter and my only concern was to keep the cats in my
care healthy - if I didn't value their happiness or take my own comfort in
their companionship, then it wouldn't matter to me if the personalities of
our current cats were changed by a newcomer, the important thing would be to
care for as many cats as we could.  But that's not my goal here.  My goal is
to have a calm, happy household for every creature in it.  If I have to
sacrifice the comfort and happiness of five other cats just to accomodate a
new cat then, as I said, I'm going to be very resentful of the new cat and I
don't want to do that - she's too sweet a cat to be resented for something
she can't change.

Taking her back will not endanger her life, the contract I signed
specifically said that I *MUST* return her only to them since they are a
no-kill shelter.  It won't even involve her having to stay in a cage since
they don't have a shelter, they foster their cats in volunteers' homes.  She
may have to be separated into a room of her own at a fosterer's home, but
then she would have to be confined in my home also (Ben and I are at work
all day and we can't trust her to be out with our other cats and the kittens
unsupervised).  The only difference would be beneficial to her - she would
have the chance to be adopted into an only cat home and be much happier -
and beneficial to everyone in my home - they would have the chance to get
back to normal without living in fear.

I know how people here feel about cats and how they feel that they would
never return an adopted cat, and I'm very sorry if I have disappointed or
angered you.  Four and a half weeks of trying may seem like a short time to
some of you, but my family are the ones who have to live with the
consequences of our decisions.  If one of those consequences is the loss of
my relationship with Sammy or Ben's loss of his relationship with Jessie,
then we just can't live with that - it would be much, much too painful,
especially after our very recent loss of Bandit.

OK, I know this has been long and I can't see my screen any more through the
tears - and all these justification will be pooh-poohed away as our just not
being willing to keep trying to make this work, either through our laziness,
ignorance, or uncaring, so it really is rather pointless.  All I can say is
I'm sorry for all of this - you have *no* idea how sorry I am!

Hugs,

CatNipped

I know hardly anything about kittens, but her behavior does sound
worrying.  The only consolation there is that they will soon grow up
enough to be able to get away from her.  I also hope that you'll get
your lapsammy back.

If that's the case, then that's a good thing. Once they are a little
bigger and not maturing kittens to be chased off, things should settle down.

In the meantime, I believe I'd separate them if you think she could hurt
them. I think it would be a good idea to just relax and slow these
introductions down a bit. Everyone needs a chance to get used to their
new surroundings and new family.

If you do take Tayla back, it could be harder for her to get adopted.
She will be marked as needing to be an only cat, which makes the
adoption pool much smaller. Maybe she would be happier as an only cat,
but maybe not. Maybe you all just need some time.

Good luck,

Rhonda

I'm not trying to argue, honest. But I've seen hundreds of adoptions.
Some of them just don't work out.
They just don't -- even if you do everything right.
I think CN's heart is mostly concerned about losing the relationship
with Sammy. And that could very well
happen, no matter what she does.
I've had Biskit four years. She still hides when Boots is in the room.
Boots still chases her occasionally just
to make *sure* Biskit will run and hide.
But when Boots is outside, Bik is my best buddy, right on my heels, my
lap, and she even even pulls up on on
me to be picked up, like a toddler. Boots comes in the house, and
Bikkie's back under the desk.

It's not a perfect situation. It's not fair to Biskit. However, that's
the way it is, and the only alternative is to get rid of one
of them. At this stage, of course, I'm not going to do that. HOwever,
I am lucky that Boots goes out in the daytime, and even
at night she likes to go in the garage. This gives Biskit some freedom
for her true personality to come out. CN doesn't have that option.

It could possibly be true that, with more time, they'll tolerate each
other better. I'm not a psychic so I'm not going to make that
prediction. I"m just saying that in four years, mine never did, and I
did everything "right" introducing them. I will make the prediction,
though, that with more time CN is going to become even more attached
to Tayla. The fact that Tayla isn't going to a kill shelter is
a  factor too, or even a shelter. At Petsmart, she'll have
tremendously good exposure and a good chance to get another good
home.

Sherry