Whoops Theresa - I thought it would work.  Here is the text pasted below.  I
avoid watching the Simpsons (my husband and kids love it) but I know what
you mean...

Bylaw is truly like a circus

     Fred Kerr
     For The Calgary Herald

Monday, March 12, 2007

We're in trouble when Monty Python foreshadows life. In one Python sketch, a
gullible pet owner, having been conned into buying fake licences for his pet
fruit bat and cat, attempts to buy a licence for his pet fish and bee, all
inexplicably named Eric. An honest bureaucrat tries to help.

Customer: I've got a licence for me pet dog, Eric, and I've got a licence
for me pet cat Eric . . .

Bureaucrat: You don't need a licence for your cat.

Customer: I bleeding well do and I got one. He can't be called Eric without
it --

Bureaucrat: There's no such thing as a bloody cat licence.

Customer: Yes there is! I bleeding got one. Look! What's that, then
(brandishes small card)

Bureaucrat: This is a dog licence with the word 'dog' crossed out and 'cat'
written in, in crayon.

Customer: The man didn't have the right form.

Bureaucrat: What man?

Customer: The man from the cat detector van.

That sketch was funny partly because the idea of licensing cats was
outlandish. Thirty-five years later, Calgary has its own cat detector vans
and cat licences.

Before city council legislated against Calgary's frightening feline menace,
we rescued a cat from the Humane Society, had him fixed and fully intended
to keep him indoors.

Otis hurled himself at the doors, shredded our belongings and used every
room as a litter box.

Rather than having him put down, we took our chances on letting him outdoors
by day. An expensive electric pet fence was no match for him, as he'd take
the shock and keep on running. We invited cat-phobic neighbours to spray him
with a hose, which had the desired effect.

Outdoor life agreed with Otis. Most neighbours enjoyed the resulting
mouse-free neighbourhood. We got a second cat as a companion for him. Long
before mandatory licensing, both got ear tattoos, sub-dermal chips and
collar tags for identification.

Once Calgary imposed its cat trapping bylaw, we received a letter from the
city alleging that one of our cats had been seen "at large." If this
happened again, warned the letter, they'd trap our cat and we'd have to pay
a fine to get him back.

We had heard about people who trapped cats and released them into the
coyote-infested countryside, so I set out to identify the complainant and
seek a parley.

This was necessary because the city's letter does not indicate which
neighbour has ratted out the cat. Calgary's anonymous cat denunciation
system evokes totalitarian regimes.

Armed with a photograph of the two cats, I embarked on a door-knocking
campaign, taking my cue from CSI interview techniques: "Please have a close
look at the photo I'm holding, ma'am. Have you ever seen these cats before?
Has either of these cats bothered you or your family?'' On 27 doorsteps, I
scanned facial expressions for telltale twitches.

Working with another cat-owning neighbour, we triangulated the source of the
complaint and approached her to negotiate a trilateral agreement.

Consider the pointless strife created by a dumb bylaw. An otherwise rational
woman wept while her husband wore the look of a man who knows his life is
over unless he demonstrates at least passive support. We cat owners knew
that our own domestic happiness hung in the balance with the fate of our
cats and were mad that she had called in the cat cops instead of just
calling us.

We worked it out, no thanks to the city. I wonder what effect this law has
had on countless neighbourhood relationships, let alone mice infestations
and hantavirus outbreaks.

Licensing for animal identification I can understand, but the outdoor cat
ban, denunciation and trapping program is draconian, discourages
communication between neighbours and fosters resentment.

When I later found myself living near a guy who never cleared his sidewalk,
I rang his doorbell. Although "bylaw" did not cross my lips, he launched
into an unprompted tirade about the evils of Calgary's snow shovelling
regulations. I assured him I had no interest in the bylaw but just hoped
he'd shovel because it was the right thing to do for the many seniors who
walked past his house. He's been a conscientious shoveller ever since.

Fred Kerr obeys the law in Calgary,

Bugmenot.com is a great resource for bypassing the "user logon" crap of so
many online papers.  Bugmenot had several available logons for canada.com
and the first one worked for me.  You may have to have cookies enabled for
those sites that need a logon - canada.com did require cookies accepted to
take the logon info.