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Cat Forum / Cat Anecdotes / October 2004Doomed cat ventures
Many people seek new occupations and money-making schemes This set me on a bizarre train of thought: - cat-related ventures which are doomed to failure from the start by the very nature of the little darlings. I've thought of a few, and perhaps you can dream up others. CAT OBEDIENCE SCHOOL - This is not to teach people to follow the wishes of their kitties, but the reverse. The most obvious pitfall is that cats will listen to what you tell them to do - and then ignore it or do the opposite. CAT SLEDDING - It's simple, the Inuit have been doing it for centuries, but with dogs. Why not cats? Because they're cats, that's why. Try to make them go in a single direction, let alone the one you have in mind! CAT RESCUE TEAMS - Dogs are also trained to hunt for skiers lost or trapped by avalanches. How about using cats? One of my favourite cartoons is titled "If Lassie were a cat" gives us a clue. In it Timmy calls from the bottom of a well, "Lassie, go get help. I'm trapped here!" Lassie the cat looks down the well and replies, "Where's my food?" WATCH CATS - A burglar breaks into your house at 3:00 am. Your ever-alert cat wakes and streaks towards the felon - right past him, and down to the basement litter pan to answer an urgent call of nature. The burglar goes about his business while you continue sleeping upstairs. Care to add any kitty-related ventures doomed to fail? > Many people seek new occupations and money-making schemes This set me > on a bizarre train of thought: - cat-related ventures which are doomed [quoted text clipped - 25 lines] > > Care to add any kitty-related ventures doomed to fail? How about cat guide for the blind. It will fail because cats will never go where you tell them to. Their blind person will say "forward" and just to be contrary the cat will go backwards. Plus it is hard on the blind person when they have to stop every 5 minutes so their cat can groom.  SignatureMargaret Fine mefine@mindspring.com >Care to add any kitty-related ventures doomed to fail? CAT SMALL PET SITTING - The cats would watch peoples small pets while they're away on vacation, especially hamsters, fish and birds. Of course the visitors would check in but not check out. BIRD CATS - There are bird dogs and now bird cats. You take them hunting with you and when you shoot a bird and it falls, the cat will go to retrieve it, but instead just sit there and dine. "What? You didn't get this for me?" > >Care to add any kitty-related ventures doomed to fail? > CAT SMALL PET SITTING - The cats would watch peoples small pets while they're > away on vacation, especially hamsters, fish and birds. Of course the visitors > would check in but not check out. > BIRD CATS - There are bird dogs and now bird cats. You take them hunting with > you and when you shoot a bird and it falls, the cat will go to retrieve it, but > instead just sit there and dine. "What? You didn't get this for me?" Oh, I love those! I think we're onto something here. Keep 'em coming! Bobcat > >Care to add any kitty-related ventures doomed to fail? > [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > it, but > instead just sit there and dine. "What? You didn't get this for me?" FOOD GUARDING CATS Never expect your cats to look after your ham/turkey/chicken salad when you are suddenly called to the telephone. CATS WHO LIVE ON A POULTRY FARM Don't trust them when they volunteer to look after baby chicks. >> >Care to add any kitty-related ventures doomed to fail? >> [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] >CATS WHO LIVE ON A POULTRY FARM >Don't trust them when they volunteer to look after baby chicks. CAT OFFICE TEMPS: They run like maniacs to a ringing phone, fax machine, or printer; but they will not actually *do* anything about them. ;) Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com > CAT OFFICE TEMPS: > They run like maniacs to a ringing phone, fax machine, or printer; > but they will not actually *do* anything about them. ;) CLEANERS/MAIDS: While they *will* wave their tails about like mobile dusters, and rub the furniture, they will deposit (not remove) cat hairs, re-distribute dust, and, as a bonus, tidy cluttered surfaces by ensuring that especially fragile vases or ornaments end up on the floor instead. SignatureCheryl > CAT OFFICE TEMPS: > They run like maniacs to a ringing phone, fax machine, or printer; > but they will not actually *do* anything about them. ;) > Theresa This has been an ongoing problem at Ailurophile Enterprises, the all-feline communications company. See memo, and others: - http://www.flippyscatpage.com/internalmemo.html >> CAT OFFICE TEMPS: >> They run like maniacs to a ringing phone, fax machine, or printer; [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > >http://www.flippyscatpage.com/internalmemo.html Yes-- and I've seen on occasion that there are some exceptional cats who answer phones, faxes, and do some filing. I get the impression that these are a miniscule minority. ;) Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com >CAT OFFICE TEMPS: >They run like maniacs to a ringing phone, fax machine, or printer; >but they will not actually *do* anything about them. ;) Unless you have a cat like Sammy, who will collect and erase messages from your answering machine. SignatureSteve Touchstone, faithful servant of Sammy, Little Bit and Rocky (RB) stouchst@JUNKsirinet.net [remove Junk for email] Home Page: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/index.html Cat Pix: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/animals.html > CAT RESCUE TEAMS - Dogs are also trained to hunt for skiers lost or > trapped by avalanches. How about using cats? One of my favourite > cartoons is titled "If Lassie were a cat" gives us a clue. In it Timmy > calls from the bottom of a well, "Lassie, go get help. I'm trapped > here!" Lassie the cat looks down the well and replies, "Where's my > food?" Or imagine being Timmy, looking up to the top of the well, and seeing Lassie-kitty sitting on the edge, washing herself. :) Which reminds me, has anyone see the Cable show "Six Feet Under"? If so, remember the one where a woman dies because her cat accidentally knocks a plugged-in appliance into the bathtub, where she's immersed in water? After showing just her feet shaking (electrocution convulsions - this show was good about not showing the explicit details of death), the camera slowly pans back to the vanity table, where the cat had knocked off the electrical appliance. I was expecting to see the cat looking freaked out and upset that its person had just died, but instead, it was just sitting there calmly washing itself. :) Joyce > Which reminds me, has anyone see the Cable show "Six Feet Under"? If so, > remember the one where a woman dies because her cat accidentally knocks [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > > Joyce It is illegal in the UK to have an electrical power point in the bathroom for just this reason. Tweed Oh I forgot, there can be a two point thingie for an electric shaver. >>Which reminds me, has anyone see the Cable show "Six Feet Under"? If so, >>remember the one where a woman dies because her cat accidentally knocks [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > Tweed > Oh I forgot, there can be a two point thingie for an electric shaver. The cats in the UK must be pretty maniacal. They killed so many people by knocking electrical appliances in the tub that there had to be a law made against having electrical power points in the bath? :-) Sorry, I couldn't resist. When I read it the first time it just struck me as funny! :-) SignatureMargaret Fine mefine@mindspring.com >>>Which reminds me, has anyone see the Cable show "Six Feet Under"? If so, >>>remember the one where a woman dies because her cat accidentally knocks [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > Sorry, I couldn't resist. When I read it the first time it just struck me > as funny! :-) You got me there, I don't understand.that any house here would have an electrical point in the bathroom - it's so dangerous. My house was built in the 30's. It hasn't got one. I don't think any cats could knock an electrical appliance into the bath in England. . It's not possible. We prevent it by having no plug-in power points in our bathrooms. It's actually illegal. Tweed > You got me there, I don't understand.that any house here would have an > electrical point in the bathroom - it's so dangerous. My house was built in [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > Tweed We generally have them in the U.S. Men use them for their electric razors, and women use them for their hair dryers. Actually, I don't use either of those, but there is a plug in my bathroom. I have an emergency light plugged into it. It is a nightlight unless the power goes out, in which case it lights up. It is positioned far enough from the bathtub that you'd have to be a idiot to have an appliance plugged in and manage to knock it into the tub, though. Joy > We generally have them in the U.S. Men use them for their electric > razors, and women use them for their hair dryers. Actually, I don't use [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > the bathtub that you'd have to be a idiot to have an appliance plugged > in and manage to knock it into the tub, though. I thought the US and Canadian codes were similar, and I don't think I've ever seen a regular electrical outlet in a bathroom. They *do* allow a special one for razors, and I've seen special arrangements for hair dryers in public places like changerooms at fitness clubs, but I was always under the impression that they had some kind of safety device that would shut off the power instantly in case of accident. SignatureCheryl >I thought the US and Canadian codes were similar, and I don't think I've >ever seen a regular electrical outlet in a bathroom. They *do* allow a >special one for razors, and I've seen special arrangements for hair >dryers in public places like changerooms at fitness clubs, but I was >always under the impression that they had some kind of safety device that >would shut off the power instantly in case of accident. Precisely. It's called a "ground fault interrupter". The damage is usually done NOT when a person completes a circuit back to the wall plug, but when current flows from a 'hot' lead through the person to a ground (earth) such as a water pipe. A fuse will usually allow a deadly amount of current to flow before it blows -- it's designed to prevent burned out house wiring and resulting fires. A GFI will blow as soon as there is the slightest current from a 'hot' lead to ground. They are required for all outlets in bathrooms in all the building codes and have been for some time. Regards and Purrs, O J >Precisely. It's called a "ground fault interrupter". The damage is >usually done NOT when a person completes a circuit back to the wall [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >They are required for all outlets in bathrooms in all the building >codes and have been for some time. for those interested, check here for a picture of a typical gfi wall socket and more detailed explanation of how it works. http://hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/hbase/electric/gfi.html here's a quote from the link: "A typical circuit breaker interrupts the ciruit at 20 amperes, but it takes only about 100 milliamperes to electrocute a person in such a scenario. The GFI is designed to detect currents of a few milliamperes and trip a breaker at the receptacle or at the breaker panel to remove the shock hazard. The GFI has a "Test" button which causes a small difference between "hot" and neutral currents to test the device. In an example given by John de Armond, the test button put the 120 volt supply across a 14.75 K resistor, producing a current of 8.2 mA. The UL requirement for a GFI is that it trip when there is 5 mA of leakage current. There is also a reset button to use after it has been tripped." SignatureSteve Touchstone, faithful servant of Sammy, Little Bit and Rocky (RB) stouchst@JUNKsirinet.net [remove Junk for email] Home Page: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/index.html Cat Pix: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/animals.html >They are required for all outlets in bathrooms in all the building >codes and have been for some time. They're also required in kitchens and outside in some localities (whatever the local building code calls for). A builder remodelling my parent's kitchen a while back told my dad that their local building code required GFI outlets instead of regular outlets if they were within X feet of where water normally is found (mainly bathrooms and kitchens). Their town also requires permanent outdoor outlets to be of the GFI type. Jeanne Hedge, as directed by Natasha ============ http://www.jhedge.com >>>>Which reminds me, has anyone see the Cable show "Six Feet Under"? If so, >>>>remember the one where a woman dies because her cat accidentally knocks [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > Tweed Sorry, it was just the way I read the post. :-) Bobcat had mentioned the cat knocking the appliance into the bath and you said they don't have them in the bathroom for just that reason. I know you mean because in general it could be dangerous but when I first read it I thought you meant because cats were always knocking electrical appliances into the bath. You'll have to forgive me, I've just had a weird day and was reading your post too literally and then couldn't stop myself from teasing and being silly. :-) BTW, in most newer houses here in the US they do have electrical outlets in the bathroom but they have something called a Ground Fault Protector or indicators. If an appliance is plugged in and falls into the water this thing trips and cuts off the power so it is hard to electrocute yourself anymore. They're also installing them more and more directly on things like hair dryers and kitchen appliances. SignatureMargaret Fine mefine@mindspring.com >> The cats in the UK must be pretty maniacal. They killed so many >> people by knocking electrical appliances in the tub that there had [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > Tweed I remember when my grandfather bought a house in North Wales, there was a 13Amp socket in the bathroom wired into the lighting circuit. Obviously dangerous but he used it for the next thirty years until the house was rewired. SignatureAdrian (Owned by Snoopy & Bagheera) A house is not a home, without a cat. >It is illegal in the UK to have an electrical power point in the bathroom >for just this reason. > >Tweed >Oh I forgot, there can be a two point thingie for an electric shaver. As far as I know, modern code here requires a GFC or ground fault circuit on any outside socket, and any inside socket near where water is expected to be used. Basically, it's a smart wall socket which has a built in sensor which monitors the flow of electricity. The sensor senses any short in the circuit, like an appliance dropped in water, and closes the circuit - supposedly quick enough to keep you from being electricuted. Most, if not all, have test/reset buttons, so they're easy to recognise. They're easy to install - though older homes that don't have a ground wire take a little more work. Should be easy to tell if you have the ground wire, since you'll a three hole plugs instead of the older two hole. I remember hearing on one of the home improvement shows that it's the cheapest, easiest, and best way to improve safety in a home. Course, just because you have one doesn't mean the person who installed it did so correctly. SignatureSteve Touchstone, faithful servant of Sammy, Little Bit and Rocky (RB) stouchst@JUNKsirinet.net [remove Junk for email] Home Page: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/index.html Cat Pix: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/animals.html Lassie would have unplugged the cord with her teeth. SignatureChristopher A. Young Learn more about Jesus www.lds.org www.mormons.com Bobcat <bob_cattUNSPAM@hotmail.com> wrote: Which reminds me, has anyone see the Cable show "Six Feet Under"? If so, remember the one where a woman dies because her cat accidentally knocks a plugged-in appliance into the bathtub, where she's immersed in water? After showing just her feet shaking (electrocution convulsions - this show was good about not showing the explicit details of death), the camera slowly pans back to the vanity table, where the cat had knocked off the electrical appliance. I was expecting to see the cat looking freaked out and upset that its person had just died, but instead, it was just sitting there calmly washing itself. :) Joyce > Which reminds me, has anyone see the Cable show "Six Feet Under"? If so, > remember the one where a woman dies because her cat accidentally knocks [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > and upset that its person had just died, but instead, it was just sitting > there calmly washing itself. :) Yes, I saw that one. LOL! SignatureMarina, Frank and Nikki marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/ and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki Decorative cat grooming. I'm sure I'll think of some more. SignatureChristopher A. Young Learn more about Jesus www.lds.org www.mormons.com Many people seek new occupations and money-making schemes This set me on a bizarre train of thought: - cat-related ventures which are doomed to failure from the start by the very nature of the little darlings. I've thought of a few, and perhaps you can dream up others. CAT OBEDIENCE SCHOOL - This is not to teach people to follow the wishes of their kitties, but the reverse. The most obvious pitfall is that cats will listen to what you tell them to do - and then ignore it or do the opposite. CAT SLEDDING - It's simple, the Inuit have been doing it for centuries, but with dogs. Why not cats? Because they're cats, that's why. Try to make them go in a single direction, let alone the one you have in mind! CAT RESCUE TEAMS - Dogs are also trained to hunt for skiers lost or trapped by avalanches. How about using cats? One of my favourite cartoons is titled "If Lassie were a cat" gives us a clue. In it Timmy calls from the bottom of a well, "Lassie, go get help. I'm trapped here!" Lassie the cat looks down the well and replies, "Where's my food?" WATCH CATS - A burglar breaks into your house at 3:00 am. Your ever-alert cat wakes and streaks towards the felon - right past him, and down to the basement litter pan to answer an urgent call of nature. The burglar goes about his business while you continue sleeping upstairs. Care to add any kitty-related ventures doomed to fail? CAT CHRISTMAS TREE DECORATORS - because cats prefer the stuff to all be OFF of the tree, where it can be batted about the room CAT IRONERS - because ironing cloths is just plain silly.......that ironing board was set up for the CAT to lay on. CAT MECHANICS - cars shouldn't run at all, cars are what takes the CAT to the vets office. CAT GARDENERS - because th......wait a minute.......CATS make excellent gardeners. CAT BABYSITTERS - because babies stink often, cry too much, they don't eliminate in the box, they keep getting perfectly good milk that the CAT could be drinking, and they receive entirely too much attention. Attention that could be given to the CAT. -bonbon bonbon <not@taking.replies> had some very interesting things to say about Re: Doomed cat ventures: >CAT MECHANICS - cars shouldn't run at all, cars are what takes the CAT >to the vets office. Felix heartily agrees. He was quite disgusted yesterday when he found out there's an auto shop in town called AutoVet [DH took the car in for a smog test. The nice gent who did the test also figured out why the speedometer, odometer, and OBD2 port no longer worked and fixed it at no extra charge. The problem we've been unable to figure out for over a year turned out to be a dead fuse]. We even did pass the smog test [that was a worry, since we'd also had engine problems. Very bright young friend of ours diagnosed that one. $20 for new spark plug wires later, the engine purrs :-)]. Now to find money and time to fix the A/C [OK, won't be a big issue until April or May, probably :-)]. Signature"The universe is quite robust in design and appears to be doing just fine on its own, incompetent support staff notwithstanding. :-)" - the Dennis formerly known as (evil), MCFL SMOKEY'S PIZZA DELIVERY: All Pizzas ordered are delivered directly to Smokey's stomach in ten minutes or less. He also does sandwiches. TYCHE'S JANITORIAL SERVICE: All floors are licked clean. All vaccuum cleaners are shoved out balconies, or left out for the garbageman. KUMANI'S EXTERMINATOR: Bugs found and promptly eaten. NOCTURNE'S CHARITY: ENMITY INTERNATIONAL Campaigning for the repeal of human rights. --Fil This thread reminded me of the funniest cat book, 'The Unaduterated Cat' by Terry Pratchett. He has some similar ideas in his chapter 'The Cats We Missed'; ie what we might have had if we had no dogs, and tried getting cats to fill for the dogs. <snip> > CAT SLEDDING - It's simple, the Inuit have been doing it for > centuries, but with dogs. Why not cats? Because they're cats, that's > why. Try to make them go in a single direction, let alone the one you > have in mind! aka 'The Pussky. Much used by lazy Eskimos, trappers, Mounties, etc. Refuses to go out in cold weather.' > CAT RESCUE TEAMS - Dogs are also trained to hunt for skiers lost or > trapped by avalanches. How about using cats? One of my favourite > cartoons is titled "If Lassie were a cat" gives us a clue. In it Timmy > calls from the bottom of a well, "Lassie, go get help. I'm trapped > here!" Lassie the cat looks down the well and replies, "Where's my > food?" And there's the St. Eric 'never a great success since they depended on the cat's natural sense of charity and benevolence." SignatureCheryl |
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