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Cat Forum / Cat Anecdotes / January 2007Completetly natural care for felines...
Hello, I have a two year old, human companion, male, feline friend. As a stern vegetarian and animal rights (PeTA) activist, I want to provide completetly natural care for my companion. He is an outdoor-only companion, as I believe animals are most happy and healthy when they are in their own natural environments. I don't want him indoors where he would be subjected to human materialism. Plus, he is tramautized when he sees George W. Bush on TV. Whenever he sees that mad man on TV, he hisses, growls, and bats at the TV. Smart kitty! Unfortunetly, my human companion feline was tainted by some neocon tendencies. When he was a child, I used to leave a radio on outside for him. I kept the radio tuned to NPR Public Radio for his emotional and mental growth, but unfortunetly one day the radio was inadvertently tuned to the Rush Limbaugh Show. He immiedietly developed rabid necon behavior, such as racist hissing and growling at Asian-American (Siamese) felines and African-American (black) felines. Worse yet, he even developed speciest behavor and began commiting hate crimes against birds and chimpmunks. I had no choice but to declaw him. He is un-neutered, as I believe he should be allowed to openly explore his sexuality no different than I do. Run with it, kitty! Run like a child in a field! What is the recommended diet for the vegetarian, un-neutered, declawed, outdoor-only, human companion, feline? I currently feed him meal made from soybean and onions, followed by chocolate pudding as dessert. Thanks! > Hello, > [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > Thanks! TROLL!!!!!!! > > Hello, > > [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > > TROLL!!!!!!! Heh. Well, yeah, but I give this post an 8 on the Troll-O-Meter, for originaility. Sherry <sriddles@aol.com> > Heh. Well, yeah, but I give this post an 8 on the Troll-O-Meter, for > originaility. I have to agree. [a few snips] >I have a two year old, human companion, male, feline friend. I hope you meant Human-companion rather than someone who dresses up as a "furry". >As a stern vegetarian and animal rights (PeTA) activist, I want to >provide completetly natural >care for my companion. Does this mean you're a B&D or S&M kind of vegetarian? Can we see your whip? Also, Serutan™ is "Natures" spelled backwards. If you want completely natural, you will make him kill his own prey. Of course, my four claim that "natural" means waiting on them hand and paw. >He is an outdoor-only companion, as I believe animals are most >happy and healthy when they are in their own natural environments. >I don't want him indoors where he would be subjected to human > materialism. Nothing worse than a running-dog capitalist feline lackey. >Plus, he is tramautized when he sees George W. Bush on TV. Whenever >he sees that mad man on TV, he hisses, growls, and bats at the >TV. Smart kitty! As we all know, politics is the catnip of the masses (yeah, yeah, religion, blah, blah) and makes everyone crazy. In fact, this behavior sounds like my father during an election year. >... and began commiting hate crimes against birds and chimpmunks. >I had no choice but to declaw him. What a shame. We had ours deboned instead. It's still inhumane, but our cats go where we want, and STAY there. Also, it adds a new dimension to that Bonzai Kitty hoax. >He is un-neutered, as I believe he should be allowed to openly >explore his sexuality no different than I do. Run with it, kitty! >Run like a child in a field! Ahem. *I* have been snipped, and it hasn't kept *me* from "exploring my sexuality" at all. In fact, I'm exploring my sexuality RIGHT NOW, BAYBEEE. Oh wait, did I just say that out loud? >What is the recommended diet for the vegetarian, un-neutered, > declawed, outdoor-only, human companion, feline? Buffalo wings, chocolate, stuffed jalapeños and a nice cold beer. Or a live antelope with ranch-style dressing. >I currently feed him meal made from soybean and onions, >followed by chocolate pudding as dessert. As long as you're going to poison your companion, don't forget the herbal poinsettia and lily extracts. Hugs and satirical Purrs, Mark  SignatureProof of Sanity Forged Upon Request > >Plus, he is tramautized when he sees George W. Bush on TV. Whenever > >he sees that mad man on TV, he hisses, growls, and bats at the > >TV. Smart kitty! Wow...so all I need to do to get Nox to stop attempting to overthrow the white humans in the household in place of an all-black all-feline government is to stop leaving copies of Malcolm X lying around?! --Fil > As a stern vegetarian and animal rights (PeTA) activist, I want to > provide completetly natural care for my companion. > ...Worse yet, he even developed speciest > behavor and began commiting hate crimes against birds and chimpmunks. > I had no choice but to declaw him. Ah, yes, declawed - just as nature made him. You've done great raising the all-natural cat! PeTA would be proud of you. Joyce PS - who's hungry? I'd love to get some casserole recipes. Something bulky and filling, that I can feed myself for a week. This is how I bring my own lunch to work - I make a big batch o'grub in a large pot on Sunday, and that's what I eat for lunch that week. Something with meat, grain and veggies would be great. Thanks! LOL! A very well thought out and researched troll post. You have hit on all the major points: 1- indoor/outdoor 2- declawing 3- politics 4- PETA 5- foods harmful to cats 6- racism It is quite a feat to fit all these points into a single, reasonably short post. But I am disappointed that you have neglected to mention anything about the muu muu wearing readers of this NG and have not posted a link to your website where we can all view some interesting pics of you in diapers... SignatureBritta Purring is an automatic safety valve device for dealing with happiness overflow. Check out pictures of Vino at: http://picasaweb.google.com/badwilson > Hello, > [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > Thanks! > LOL! A very well thought out and researched troll post. You have hit > on all the major points: > 1- indoor/outdoor > 2- declawing > 3- politics > 4- PETA > 5- foods harmful to cats > 6- racism And (7) lack of neutering - can't forget that one. > But I am disappointed that you have neglected to mention anything about > the muu muu wearing readers of this NG and have not posted a link to > your website where we can all view some interesting pics of you in > diapers... Bring back the muu muu man! Bring back the muu muu man! Joyce First, I think it's essential to respect your feline master at all levels. At cat's natural state of being is as a predator. So, it's important to respect your cat's self esteem by providing plenty of mice, rats, and cockroaches for your cat to play with. Second, I do believe it's important to respect your feline master's historical context. You see, no one in the historic feline kingdom has ever used machined or manufactured goods. So it's essential for you when you approach your feline master, to completely avoid any manufactured goods. This means you should shower in warm water, to remove all artificial scents. Using only scent free baking soda as a scrub. Never dry yourself with a towel, as this will risk the manufactured scent. And never wear any shoes or clothes when going out to feed your feline master. Always greet your feline master by rubbing noses, and then licking him all over from head to toe. In the most friendly greeting fashion. Expect him to do the same, as is their custom. Be sure to then lay on your back, and let him sniff and explore any part of your body which he wants. It's only right, after all we have done to his ancestors. You wouldn't want to traumatize him! SignatureChristopher A. Young You can't shout down a troll. You have to starve them. . > Hello, > [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > Thanks! (Trolling nonsense snipped) P-L-O-N-K! > Hello, > [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > Thanks! Oh well, at least this one has a sense of humour.....and do I detect hints of intelligent life?
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